The Call That Changed Everything: The Hammonds’ Foster Care Journey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSqSKv7-HGk

Matt Darrah (00:01)

Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. We've got ⁓ some folks in here today that I'm excited to talk to. ⁓ Before we get to them, our episode sponsor this week is ETC Bookkeeping. ETC Bookkeeping empowers business owners with clear, accurate financials so they can make confident decisions and focus on what they do best.

With customized service packages and expert QuickBooks online support, we simplify your bookkeeping, payroll, and compliance needs without the over-up. More than a service, we're a trusted partner who cares about your business as much as you do. Call ETC today at That's 806-626-... (806)626-7050

7050 and guys I say this most every week but Janie is a great great friend of mine and just a She is I am NOT an accountant. I am NOT and so when I have questions I'm like Janie help me so if you need help with your books definitely definitely give give Janie a call ⁓ So today we have Leslie and Adam Hammond on with us today. So thank you guys for for being willing to

come and share y'all's story. Yep, glad to be here. Absolutely. so you guys... ⁓

kind of got a surprise phone call, right? You didn't go through this years long wrestling of should we foster, should we not, how do we go about this and that kind of stuff. You guys just kind of got a phone call one day, right? Yes. So talk to us about that. What was that like? So we were actually driving. We were on a 10 hour drive back from Galveston. We ⁓ were on our way back from a, what was it, a five day cruise.

⁓ Seven day cruise where you know, was just us grown-ups and we were relaxing and having a good time and ⁓ we were probably five hours into that 10-hour trip and I got a phone call from CPS which was at the hospital with my niece who is struggling with with drugs and ⁓ they said that yeah, they said that her and the baby both tested positive for meth and that they would need somewhere to place the baby and ⁓

The first thing that I thought was, know, I'm not going to be able to do this by myself or go to what I think. I told my wife, you know, I was like, hey, you what do you what do you think about this? and of course, her first reaction was I said no. Absolutely. not There's no way we can do a brand new newborn baby at our age with our teenage daughter at home and all the kids. Yeah. And all the things that we had going on. So she was like, absolutely not. And

And so the first thing that I did was I just kept my mouth shut because I thought if she doesn't want to do it, I'm certainly I can't make her do it and I can't do it without her. I just kind of kept my mouth shut. Well, little did I know she wanted to discuss it.

And she wanted to know how, know, the hows and whys and ins and outs of how we were going to do it. And we two of our friends in the backseat and one who had been through foster care. I was like, I don't know if you want, you know, CPS in your house all the time. It's a lot. So I'm just. And so I wasn't being conversational at all. And I was just kind of keeping my mouth shut. you know, it was a little bit of time went by. And I'd asked the lady at CPS, I said, well, how long?

Do I have to make up my mind? Like this is a big decision. And she said tomorrow. And I was like, OK, so. So, yeah, when my wife said no, you know, I just thought, OK, you know, that's it. You know, I'll just it is what it is. Like we'll just have to figure it out, you know. And then, I don't know, 30 minutes after the call, she finally looked over at me and she said, we got to do it because I couldn't imagine.

where the child would end up. Where was she gonna go? Yeah. And she's the spitting image of my niece, which is awesome. yeah, was, but man, it was such an adjustment. Yeah, I getting, turned 50 that year. was getting, know, gonna be a grandmother soon, probably. Two of our kids had gotten married, and I was kinda getting ready for that, and then that just kinda threw us for a loop. So what's going on, this 30 minute gap in here? You said no, and then what's going on up here? I was just...

A newborn. Like I know what goes into that. And I was like, how? There's no way. There's no way I could do a newborn. That's that's too much. And I'd had neck surgery, my shoulder, you know, I was just sitting there thinking, plus I'd had all this free time. You Leah's 14 or she's 13 that year. And we finally have free time. I want to give that up. And then I thought, you know, that's really selfish. And something just hit me and it was like. Not about you. God really got a hold of me. So.

That's what I tell everybody. was like, it was definitely the Holy Spirit got a hold of her because she was a firm no. And it was funny because I never really said, I never really said I wanted to do it. I was just like, hey, what do think about this? But I never told her like, we got to do it. I did. I try not to put any pressure on her. I could tell you wanted to do that. But yeah. And then she's like, I think we should do it. And I was like, yes, because I really want to. And it was funny because she kept talking about, know, you know, what about

know, middle of the night feedings and what about when she starts crawling? they eat every two hours. you know, all this, all these things that, you know, come along with newborns that, you know, everybody dreads, you know, and she's like, what about this? What about that? And, and, uh, I kept thinking about what my brother said, cause, uh, he adopted my niece and he goes, when he first told his mother that he was adopting, uh, my niece,

His mother said, what are you going to do? Like, how are you going to do this? And what are you going to do? And he's like, yeah, because raising kids has always been easy. And I remember him saying that. And I just looked at her and I said, well, yeah, it's going to suck. You know, it's hard. We know, like, we've had baby, it's hard. And I was like, yeah, it's going to be terrible. But it's going to be worth it. And it has been. It's been terrible.

And it's been good. But at the end of the day, it's always worth it. And you can definitely tell, God was involved from the very beginning. Even before we knew we were going to get her, my niece who was going through some trouble, I hadn't seen her in years, hadn't talked to her in years. And she was down in Midland where our oldest daughter was living.

And I thought, you know, while we're down there, let's look her up and see what she's doing. Maybe we can go eat breakfast or something. So she was like, yeah. And so I got a hold of her. We went and ate breakfast. And at the time, I couldn't tell if she was on drugs or not, but she was talking constantly. so I thought it was kind of suspicious. But I mean, she looked good. She didn't look bad. And so I thought, well, it was good to see her. Well, then I think maybe a year later.

⁓ Her stepdad had got a hold of us because her ⁓ mail was coming to him in Amarillo and he said, is there any way I could send her mail down to your daughter in Midland so she could pick up her mail down there? And we were like, yeah, no problem. So we gave her.

Sarah's address and we were like, yeah, you know, can pick up your mail there. So she did, she went by Sarah's place, picked up her mail and Sarah called us and said, did you know that Carrie Ann is pregnant? And I was like, I did not know that. And I was like, and she's like big pregnant. It's like she's been pregnant a while. And I was like, no, I hadn't heard that at all. But then right in that moment, in the back of my mind, deep in my heart, it was like.

We're gonna end up with that kid. No way. You should have told me, because I didn't have a clue. She was like, where else is she gonna go? I knew for a fact that Carrie Anne was not gonna be able to raise that child. There was no way. She could barely take care of herself. And she had been struggling, know. So then, what was it, maybe a month later? Maybe not even that. It was quite a while.

Actually, both of us went down to Midland to help Sarah move. And then I came back to Amarillo and she went back down the next weekend to help unpack and finish up while we had got a call from... Sarah got a call from the hospital. Yeah. they had found, Carrie Anne didn't have Sarah's number, I guess just her name and address. And Sarah had been in for kidney stones or something and they found her and called her and said, Carrie Anne's in the hospital. Can you pick her up and take her to Amarillo?

And I was like, sure, get her. And so we show up at the hospital and then we found out the grandparents or whoever she was going to stay with it, they were like, no, we can't handle that. And so then I'm panicking. I'm like, Adam, what am I? She can't stay with us. What are we going to do? And so we had some connections there with Teen Challenge, Adult Teen Challenge in Midland, and they helped us find a sober living house for her. And we got her into that. Of course, like a week or two later, she took off.

So we spent the weekend with her and then took her and made sure she was good. And they got her some medical care. She hadn't had any medical care. And talked to her some. I think they took her to go try to get her car because her car had gotten impounded. It had stolen and impounded. They had got her another phone.

They actually even found a house where she would have been able to stay to have the baby if she would have been willing. Well, that was her concern. She kept saying they're going to take the baby. They're going to take the baby. And she wouldn't stay. And so I got with the director of Teen Challenge, and we found her a place in Plano. And she said, you have a good chance of making it. And if you apply, you can stay there a year with your baby. They'll help you find a job. They'll help you. And she was like, nobody's going to tell me what time to go to bed. And I was like, OK.

You know, didn't know. So then she pretty much fell off the radar. We hadn't seen her. And then the last thing we had heard was she was in Amarillo and we didn't know how she got to Amarillo, who she was staying with, what the deal was.

Yeah, I think the next time that we made contact, was literally, I think she called me first from the hospital and she was like, I need you to take the baby for two weeks. Or she texted you or something. And I was like, two weeks? And so I'm talking to CPS also and I was like, she says two weeks and they're like, there's no way it's ever two weeks. It's months to a year, if not forever. Is that exactly how they work? And I was like, once to a year, if not forever, that's okay. So that's like.

And just knowing her, was thinking, it's forever. It's most likely going be forever. But it was crazy because we say all that to say this, God was there from the very beginning. Like the odds of...

me picking her up after years of not seeing her, not talking to her, not even knowing she was in Midland until much later and we finally found out she was there. And we'd actually been to Midland two or three times and I thought about calling her, but I just forgot or we got busy and I just never made the connection. And then that one time we made the connection and then a year later, we ran into her again and then a few months later, and then it's just like God was already putting all those things in place.

definitely would have never happened if he hadn't been involved. Yeah. So go back a little bit before all of this. Had either one of you guys ever even considered foster care? So we had actually talked about it in the past. I see those kids on the news. they're teenagers. man, it's so heartbreaking because most of them are just like...

I just want somebody there. I want somebody at my sporting events or my hobbies or I just want somebody there. And I watched one the other day, I sent it out to my friends and...

They were like, are you adopting another one? I was like, no, I'm not in a position to adopt another one. said, I want other people to know because I've got a lot of friends that are about to be empty nesters and they're so upset that all their kids are leaving. And I'm like, you know, you don't have to have an empty house. You can bring some more in. There's other ways. And so, yeah, we had talked about it before. And one of the fears that we had was

We didn't want a kid that had issues that was gonna dump on our teenage kid that we already had. So we had some reservations about it and we were kinda nervous about it. But it was something that was always, we kinda talked about it. We thought, man, one of these days, or if we were in a better position, or if we had more room, or if we didn't have all this stuff going on. I think God got tired of us talking about it. And he decided, you're just gonna do it. I got another plan for you. Wow, and so that's been...

pretty close to a year. right out of year. April 11th she was born. Yeah your next month. Wow. Yeah. Yeah it's been an adventure but wouldn't trade her for the world. Yeah. She's so much fun. And so we brought, I brought you a placement package. the...

within what a day or I was still in shock when you came over. I probably talked your leg off. We sat there and just talked. I was just shocked. Yeah, because ironically, their daughter goes to school with our daughter. so it was just kind of a, I don't know that we even knew that. Did we figure that? I don't know if we figured that off and on we did. As we were sitting there talking, we realized that both our kids went to the same school and same grade and everything.

Right, she's in eighth grade, right? Yeah, because I think they're in the same class. Yeah, they're in the same class this year. Wow. So talk to us about the placement package. What was that like? That was just more, that was God. Anything we had needed, I mean, we had one day's notice and we brought her to the house. So we ended up with three bassinets. We ended up with, we didn't have to buy diapers probably for the first six months.

Wipes I think I bought for the first time a month or two ago Yeah, and a lot of it she was very small and so the clothes that we got in the bag fit her later on but It was just so much it was overwhelming and I remember asking like this this huge duffel bag is we get to the bag too Yeah, I like you forgot your bag. No, it's yours Our whole entire living room was taking over with baby stuff. Yeah within days within days of getting her

we had more stuff than we knew what to do with. We were literally just having to go through all of it and deciding, okay, she's gonna need some of this later on and some of this we needed yesterday. This is gonna be really good and pretty excited about it. But yeah, exactly like she said, God provided for all of it. yeah, because that was, there again, one of our reservations. How are we gonna be able to afford this? What are we gonna do?

You know, the price of formula is astronomical. I don't know how anybody can do it. you know, then I stay home. That's, know, diapers on top of that. Like it's so expensive and like right from the get go, like we've spent very little money. Like it was never really an issue. Yeah, because it's like $50 a can. It's insane. Yes, it's not. Yeah, you go to Walmart to buy formula, they.

They take you through security. It's like smuggling across the boarders. It's hardcore, ⁓ yeah, we've been really, really fortunate. We haven't had to really spend a whole lot of money to keep her clothed and well-fed. Love it. So you guys are getting licensed now.

We're almost finished getting licensed, and then now we're starting the adoption process already. But I guess we should finish our license and what they explained to us will benefit us, guess, towards the adoption process. And something that happened during that whole process is we were getting ⁓ certified as we had, what, like two pages of classes that we were supposed to take?

It was a ton of classes. was a bunch of them. And we were like, how are we going to, he works a ton. I was like, how are we going to do And who was it that called us? The caseworker? It wasn't the caseworker. It was the licensing agency workers. OK, so the licensing agency. Anyways, they called us and they said, taking those classes right now because the government is coming in and they're changing.

all the classes you have to take to be certified. And so we were like, OK, so we held off for a little bit. And then they gave us a page with the new classes. there was like 12 things. had CPR left. we literally only had like a couple things left. And so it went from like this huge ordeal to get certified to it's really not that bad anymore.

I hope that anybody that even thinks about getting certified, it's definitely gotten a whole lot easier just in the last few months. Who are y'all getting licensed through? National Youth.

Advocacy program NYAP. I don't even know that I picked them because ⁓ they gave us a whole list of people to choose from St. Francis did and There was it was mainly on zoom and kind of at your own pace and you could go as fast or slow and I figured we needed to speed it up and with him working I was hoping the different hours would work and they've been really nice. I really liked them and they're there They have an office here. I think the nearest office is Lubbock. Okay, I they're throughout Texas. Yeah, but they've came they've come here

Yeah, because I need to connect with them because I'm not getting what did you say it's called? National Youth Advocacy Program, NYAP. ⁓

think it's Scott Mayfield and Gabriel is the son that I mainly deal with. Yeah, I need to, yeah. I have not heard of that one. So don't know if they are mostly just focused down in Lubbock. And so they don't come up here much or not. But we'll be getting some referrals from them. And they told us part of the reason that the certification, why they shortened the list. It's not.

It's not because none of that stuff is important. It's just that they're having such a hard time getting foster parents to take kids and the number of kids that need fosters. Yeah. Yeah, it's growing exponentially. Well, so, Region 1 is the area around Amarillo and the area around Lubbock. So that whole, that 41 counties, I think, is what it is. So in that entire geographical area,

Right now, we're sending 42 % of those kids that come into care in that whole area outside the region because there's nowhere to put them. Yeah. Yeah, it's huge. mean, it is just, and it's way worse. The last time I pulled those numbers was in like May of 24 and it was about 20%. And just so in the last 18 months, they just...

42 % going outside them, outside them. That's funny to me, like one of the things that I noticed is all the caseworkers and the foster advocate, all the people that we've dealt with, and there's been a lot of people, but almost every single one of them have a foster child or two or three.

or four. And it's funny to me because before I never saw that other, I never saw the other side of it. But I think, my sister, my sister can't drive by a dog on the side of the road or a cat and she's got to have it. And I'm thinking, man, if you only knew or if you even got...

in contact, like if you saw these faces, if you saw these kids that needed foster care, you wouldn't be able to say no, like you'd drag every one of them home if could, you know? So it's... Yeah, it's definitely, it's the, not that everybody is gonna foster, ⁓ not everybody could foster or should foster, but...

It's an awareness piece. I've spoken in lots of places and had a decent number of people that have heard me speak and gone on to get licensed or were licensed, lapsed. Three or four years later, I show up, I'm talking about statistics and stuff and they're like, man, I gotta get licensed again because there's just such a huge need. mean, there's about 600 kids.

that come into care in the 26 counties, not region one, but just the 26 counties of the Panhandle every year. And so, I mean, it's just a huge, huge need. So what has the last year been like? mean, or close at. You've got people coming and going, all the things. How has it been?

That's probably my least favorite part. I'm pretty introverted and I was always staying at home and reading books or playing piano and I had my time to myself.

Just having people just come in and you know, you don't have just one caseworker You have at least two and then you have the foster licensing agency and then you have you know The guardian of the item or whoever just wants to come over and swing by it's you know You just kind of open your house up and you just have to get over it Yeah, some of them, you know They've actually worked with us though to to where you know If a bunch of you know, they're all planning a visit a lot of times we can get them to come on the same day So we don't have to constantly Yeah wonder if they're gonna come in and they're at the door so we can get them we can get them all the same day

so they can come visit and see the baby and all that. Definitely makes you fix your hair, makeup on, get dressed every day. Which is hard, you're the newborn and they're always like, you know, sleep when the baby sleeps. It's okay if your house is messy. I know it's not. People are coming in and out all the time. I just couldn't, you know, lot of breakdowns there. Those first couple months where they were rough, of course, you know, we're older now and having a newborn was...

I mean, having a newborn is never fun, regardless how old you are, but it was really tough at first. It was tough, but we all said, like, I don't know, we enjoyed it. mean, it's a baby. Yeah. adorable. And she's adorable. So the first time that I was messing with her and I stuck my tongue out at her and she stuck her tongue back out at me, then I knew the clock started right then. Like, we got to hurry. Like, because this is going to go by so fast. Yeah. Because it did with our other kids. And people don't, you know.

It just goes by so quick. And it was funny because I was talking to the baby and I was like, you know, Leah was supposed to be the chosen one because me and her, she was my ride or die. We did everything together. And now she's a teenager and dad's not cool anymore. Right. I looked at the baby and I was like, it's you and me now. Yeah. You have to be my new. Because who's going to watch all these kids movies with me because I can't go by myself. told them, I we can't keep getting new babies when everyone becomes a teenager. We're not doing that again. really hoping like this baby bridges the gap into grandchildren.

I'll always have somebody there to go watch movies with me. Well, the grandkids are definitely fun. I get it, because Nela was a daddy's girl, ⁓ 100%. Even in the first six months, she was almost two. And when she came, and at that age, she has no idea what's going on. But she's cognizant that things are different. know, biomoms.

not there, you know, and so she would wake up in the middle of the night just screaming, just terrified, where am I? And I was the only one that could get her to calm down. yeah, now she's almost...

She'll be 14 and she's like, yeah, dad. I always tell her, because I was like, okay, Neela, you've got to promise me you will always be my baby bear. And she goes, promise, daddy. And now she's like, well, I didn't know. I'm a teenager now, dad. She'll come back around. At we can see that with our adult kids. They come back around. Right. No, I get that. I get that. So.

Other than the placement package that you guys got from us, what other kind of support mechanisms have you guys gotten over the last year There was the St. Francis place. The Christmas thing? Christmas, yeah. They did Christmas and then...

They've given us a check a couple of times. because we don't qualify for assistance. Yeah, they do like a reimbursement for clothes and stuff. that's helpful. Yeah, so and usually like right when that check would hit was pretty much like when we needed it the most. there again a God thing. Like we were like, man, this is check's gonna be kind of tired or whatever, you know, whatever we had going on. And there we go. They were just they would step in and help out. And yeah. And then Christmas, like they gave us all kinds of stuff for.

Yeah, it's been really good. yeah, and then, you know, we've had friends and stuff come out because, know, some of our younger friends that still have kids that are that young, like they've given us stuff and it's been really good. And then it's cool because we get to kind of regift some of that stuff to some of other friends that are now having newborns. Yeah. So, yeah. We still have a lot to donate. We still have a lot in the trailer. So have you guys pretty well felt really well supported?

Or... Yeah, I think so. Yeah? Yeah. That's good. That's good, that's not the experience for everybody for sure. We were pretty, I think, independent. I mean, as far as like, childcare and stuff, we... I don't know. Well, and like with Leah, we didn't have a lot of help with her either. Like our grandparents are kind of not in the scene, so it's pretty much always us. So yeah, this hasn't been bad at all. We're pretty used to it. That's great.

That's great. So if you ⁓

Let's do it this way. So what have been some of the kind of the the best moments been in this journey you think? Just watching her grow and things that she does She growls Super cute. Yeah, and Just the thing she learns to clap her hands or you know just in her smile And she's the sweetest and I was really worried about you know what she was exposed to her being really fussy and she's not

Just there again, I think, you know, that was there again, it had to be a God thing because she's been the best baby. you know, Leah was a great baby, don't get me wrong. But I mean, she's just been flawless. Like her sleep schedule has been great. Her her eating schedule has been great. Like she, you know, she has her hiccups here and there. But for the most part, she's almost always a happy baby. She's always smiling and.

We got really blessed because had it been something really difficult, I don't know that we could have handled it, it would have been rough, but God looked out for us the whole way and she's been great. So you didn't really notice withdrawal symptoms or anything? No, they said that she had detox and we haven't really noticed. The only delay that she has is...

I guess motor skills, she was low birth weight, kind of probably malnourished. She's just slower to crawl, slower, she was slower to sit up, but she does it eventually, it just takes her longer. But intellectually wise, she's fine. Yeah, four or five years old I've heard things can present, but we'll just have to wait and see. Yeah, and she, you know, she like...

premature but she was full term. She was five pounds four ounces. She's just a small baby and her mama's real small too. She's a small beauty so. She's probably always gonna be pretty little. So what do you think has been the toughest part?

For me, guess lack of time or with my neck and shoulders, I can only get her out so much and out of the car seat and not being able to just take off and go to the store or you you have to pack everything up and schedule things. Diaper bag and feeding times and all that. At least the sleep's gotten better. Once we got her on a schedule.

I always, all my kids, did this, not just like a strict schedule, but just a routine. Leveled out, we got to sleep through the night, and I was like, okay, I can do this. You don't realize how much you need your sleep until you're not getting it. Yes, it makes a big difference. ⁓ yeah, yeah. I have been struggling with sleep the last four or five months, and in the last week, I started a new...

like regimen thing for sleep. And it's like, I feel like a new man. Like, my gosh, it's so, so important to get that good sleep. So. there again, I work a lot over time. I get called out quite a bit. so she's, she's doing all of it. And there was a, there was a month there. No, wasn't even.

Yeah, I think it was a month. I was in the service department. I tried a new role at work. Before we knew we were getting her. And I went, yeah, I'd already signed up to do it. And so I went on call and for a week straight, I'm just constantly in and out of the house. I'm never home for And it was the worst on call he's ever. Like he literally had seen him on the ring camera on the porch and he'd go right back to I'd stick my key in the door and I'd get called and turn right back around, get in the truck and it was just going. And we had a storm that week, so we were busy.

Yeah, I thought she was going to kill me after that week was over. that was just like the second or third week we had her. Yeah. Home inspections and all this. had her and getting the house ready. And I was like, this is driving me crazy. there again, you know, from day one, I knew like there's no way I was going to be to do it without her because my job is pretty demanding in that way. And I don't always have a choice, you know, as far as being home all the time. it's also I get to stay home. So you have to be mindful of that. Yeah, it was was tough. That was that was a challenge.

for sure. Yeah. But it's definitely gotten better. Her schedule is so much easier now. Sleeping all night. That's a big one. Yeah, that makes a big difference. So are there ways that like this has kind of deepened the whole family's connection and bonding, think? So it's kind of, so it's, I don't know if I should get into this, but it's really interesting really kind of how it's all worked out.

⁓ My brother, Dwayne, and my sister Debbie have both passed away. And ⁓ my sister Debbie had three kids, Eli, Erica, and Carrie Ann. And two of Erica's kids have been adopted by other family members. So...

⁓ My brother-in-law, Ted, raises my nephew Skyler, who was my niece's Erica's son. And then her daughter Hazel was adopted by my brother, Dwayne and his wife, which now that he's passed on, his wife, Shawna, raises Hazel. And so everybody's kind of stepped up. And then my brother, Dwayne, also adopted Dakota, who came from my sister's... ⁓

Me and my sister have different dads, so it came from her dad's side of the family, so he adopted Dakota on that side. so, a lot of our family is already raising. It took me years. Yeah, a lot of our family is already raising other kids from that same family. And so, you know, we were the next ones up. So you think there's kind of some connection points with them? And also, you know, my mom.

So my mom married my dad when I was two and I got adopted when I was two years old. Up until I was 13 years old, I didn't know who my real dad was. And I just thought it was my stepdad because my stepdad, the way he raised me, he raised me like I was his own. So I never knew any different. And then over the years, any kids that I've ever come in contact with, I don't know how to love them any different. It's the same thing. So it's carried over from my dad adopting me and...

all the other kids in our family that have been adopted. So yeah, I just think it's awesome to be able to. I think it's brought family closer. I get in touch with Carrie Ann's stepdad, mom in the family, and send pictures. And his dad's the great granddad. Send them pictures. And it's good that she's, think everybody seems happy she's in the family. And his dad, especially, he's lost two kids seeing his great grandbaby. You can tell it.

And she looks just like my niece, but she also looks just like my sister. Different facial expressions, you can just see my sister Debbie in her face. And so that's really cool. That is cool. So we kind of talked about some of the challenges. Were there any kind of other challenges that we hadn't really talked about? Or is it?

I mean, it's really been, it sounds like you guys have had just a good bit of support. And, you know, like I said, that's not a lot of just that, you know, it gets hard. prayer and.

There's definitely challenges, I just don't know what I would. Well, and it's also, know, at our age, you know, which that's something else that we learned that I didn't, we didn't really think about because we really felt like we were way too old to be doing this. And then come to find out there were several people much older than us doing the exact same thing. yeah. I think I remember telling you, because I had just delivered a placement package to a grandmother who was 70.

who had taken her nine month old I know if was a caseworker or whoever had me that. That's insane. 70. I told him, if she can do it, I can do it. can do it. Well, had a buddy of mine, we have known... So, Nikki and I have been married 22 years together, like 24. So, there was this guy that we went to church with, just salt of the earth type guy. He adopted his daughter, his...

to his great niece at 90. Yeah, and she was newborn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I recorded with him and I was like, oh my gosh, and he didn't act like he's 94 now. He'll tell anybody that'll listen that she kind of saved his life, because he was just really kind of.

just kind of sedentary, just really not doing much, you know, and here she comes and yeah. So yeah. That was something like she said earlier, we had to come to terms with is like, you know, the empty nester things really kind of off the table. We're never going to be empty nesters. But, you know, also I see like other friends of mine that were empty nesters and they struggle with it. Yeah. They, you know, they fight and they have a hard time adjusting without kids in the picture. So, I mean, there again, I mean,

God's got to be involved and at end of the day, mean, I'd give up anything, you know, to be where we're at. So, mean, to give up your empty nesting stage, you know, I'm okay with it. We'll find ways to integrate her into our vacations and we'll keep rolling. Yeah, she's worth it, she? And she is. Yeah, I guess, I mean, I guess I had to pick a challenge. hadn't thought about that early on, the visitation, but the mother and...

And that was stressful. And then she kind of went out of the picture, I think about June of last year, and they found the dad. And then we were kind of a little scared about that. I thought, you know, God showed us over and over, like, don't freak out, just pray about it. And we prayed about it, he relinquished his rights. And so now we're at the adoption.

The first time, well, wasn't the first time, but one of the visitations that she was going to go to, she was kind of dreading it and getting the baby out. And my niece was, she has two other kids that she doesn't take care of, but she's kind of rough with the baby, you when she would come to visitations. And anyways, Leslie was like really not looking forward to going and she sat there and she prayed about it. She's like, God, if this is what she wants to I was getting ready and I prayed about it because I also, was just like,

are we nuts? So I just prayed and I was all God, you did we jump off the deep end and do something we weren't supposed to do? Can you please show me that you're in this? you know, I just needed to know that this is what we were supposed to be doing because I've got to fix my attitude and, you know, I can't keep going back and forth being resentful or dreading it and then being happy and I had to, you know, lock it down and

So I prayed about it as I was getting ready at my makeup table and I turned my music off on my phone and I prayed about it. I said amen and I hit my music back on. My phone rings and she canceled. And I think that was the last visit. And not that God ran the mom off. I think just knowing how things were gonna end up and what was gonna be best, that showed me right then.

We want, you I want you to, you know, I want y'all to raise her. Because one of the things that we run into is like, you know, our biggest fear from the get go is that somebody would come out of the woodwork and try to take her. Yeah. Because, know, once you, you know, once you've already committed and you bond with them, mean, my gosh, taking your own kid. And so, yeah, so whenever she, you know, quit coming to visitation and.

you know, that was kind of a relief for us. And then whenever they found the dad, you know, he was like, can my parents raise her? And, and ⁓ they were telling him, no, that's, that's not really how this works. And, but it doesn't matter so long. sure. But I thought, man, you know, what if, what if her grandparents show up with a lawyer and try to tell you, you know, like all these thoughts were running through my head and I just, it was terrifying. then

What was it, two weeks ago we found out that they relinquished the rights of both parents. now she's kind of freeing the dad relinquished and then they terminated the rights of the mother. Yeah. So I mean, that was kind of a weight lifted off our shoulders too. For sure. Because now she's ours. Yeah. And we're going to get to move on with the adoption process, which is going to be good. You know, the thing is, when bio parents can

get their act together and do the things that they need to do. You root for that. You want them to be able to step into that role. But at the same time, when it's not, it's not. And the difficulty with the laws in Texas, the way that they're written. So we measure recidivism, which is, right, in prison, once you've been to prison, you're more likely to go back to prison, right?

And so they measure that in foster care too. And so. ⁓

The recidivism rate for kiddos that have been in foster care that go back to bio-family, they come back into care within five years is 45%. So it's half. And we're not doing these kids any favors. And I think they're, they come back more traumatized. And that's what I was afraid of. was, even the visitations, it it seemed kind of, you know, she was just a little baby, but she doesn't know what's going on. And it's just traumatizing to.

And I just kind of like imagine if she had to go back and I don't know, just, you know, things go through your head. for sure. But it worked out. Well, obviously, like, you know, I don't want I don't wish any ill will on my niece. Like, I really hope that she can, you know.

come back into society. But one thing I know that even if she did, she still doesn't need to be raising a small child. She needs to be able to take care of herself. And so even now, I still pray that she can get it together and hopefully she can become functional again. Because it's been a long road for her and it's been sad to watch because she was my favorite. I mean, I had...

Nephew and two nieces and and she was the youngest and I really had high hopes for her and she graduated high school She had everything going on She's very smart and yeah, she just you know like people do they they go off the rails and well And she lost her mom you lost you lost your sister you mentioned that but that was her mom and that really I think took a toll on her for sure. Yeah Mmm. So if you're talking to some

somebody that's on the fence. Like they're thinking, you know, maybe I should do that. Maybe the Lord's calling me to do that. What do y'all tell him? Do it. ⁓ I mean, there's a lot of blessings there. Yeah, that's hard, but it's just like raising your own kids. There's so many rewards. And like you said, there's just such a need for it.

Yeah, definitely pray about it. And just like I saw in Leslie, the Holy Spirit, watched it in real time, turn her heart. Like it, one minute it was an absolute no, and the next minute it was an absolute yes. All within one drive back from Galveston. yeah, definitely, prayer obviously first, but once... Well, don't do what we did where we talked about it for years, and we never did it. And I wish we would have done it sooner. I wish we would have...

You know, because you just it's messy. It's a lot of hard work. It's messy. It's so many classes and different things you have to do, but it's so worth it. That's what I can see now. Well, you know, I've got a couple of honorary kids, I to call them, but I dated their mother when they were infants years and years and years ago. Well, I still see them and we still hang out with them and they're still part of our family. Take them on vacations with us. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't regret any of it. You're literally just adding more members to your family and expanding your circle of people that you want to hang out with. so yeah, have grown up kids in Oklahoma, and we've got grown up kids in Midland, and grown up kids in Amarillo, and then we've got our teenage daughter, and now we've got our newborn. And it's awesome. You really get to expand your family circle. And you've got somebody.

Like I was talking about earlier, you've got these foster kids that just want somebody in their corner. Well, you're creating someone to put in your corner also. So it's definitely rewarding. Yeah, I had a guy on, I think his podcast was last week. ⁓ He had, was just kind of a weird God thing, but he was going to the gym and working out at like midnight. ⁓

But this group of five kiddos that had aged out of care went at the same time, so he ended up developing a relationship with them. And one of the young men, he was 23, he was about to turn 24, never had a birthday party. He was like, we had him a birthday party.

They were like, man, we hate the holidays. Thanksgiving was coming up and he was like, we hate the holidays. We just sit around and look at each other. So he has them over. And so there's such a need to do something. And like I say, maybe it's taking kiddos into your home and maybe it's delivering a placement package or getting set up to babysit. That's a whole thing.

to do something to serve these kiddos. Even mentorship. Yeah. Mentorship was something else that we looked into, you know, also. And so, yeah, that would have been a good option too. I mean, anything like you said. Yeah. There's a thousand ways to support either the kiddos or the parents that are raising the kiddos and just figuring out how are you best equipped and...

called to serve, know, it's just... And I think, you know, most people, and we were those people, but you think there's no way, don't have the resources, we don't have the room, we don't have the money, we don't have this, we don't have that. They fit. They fit every time. You'll make them fit in your life. And yeah, it was rough, you know, at first, but we made room for her. And now, like I said, we can't imagine not having her there. Yeah, we came home that day.

that day from the trip, but we had two kids that had moved out and gotten married, and we had just left their rooms, just boxes. One was half painted, and it was just a mess. And we had to take care of the baby and get that room in shape and move all those boxes and get all that set up. But there's plenty of people who have unexpected children, and so it's really no different. You'll make room for them. I do.

You'll find a way and it's not... Well, she slept in our room for the first four or five months anyway. Yeah. Yeah. What are some common misconceptions you all think about foster care, about kinship care? You guys, can you think of anything?

All that comes to mind for me really is a well-meaning friend who had also fostered years ago. He was all, know, don't get attached because they don't necessarily stay. And I'm thinking, I was telling him, I don't know how else to. Yeah. Like it's not a chicken. You know, like, don't name your chicken because it's not going to stick around. know, you just, I can't treat them any other way than.

I don't know what misconceptions. To us, anybody, they're part of our family. this just... Well, I've had tons of people tell me they're like, I would, but I just couldn't afford it. There's no way I could afford it. And I'm like, well, if you get certified foster, they'll pay you. Like you can...

they will help support you through this. And I kept telling them about our baby, like we haven't paid for hardly anything. But that's not really an issue. it's just like I said, kids sometimes happen unexpectedly and you think, I don't know how we're gonna afford this, but you do. God provides, it's just how it is. Yeah, I love it.

So what are, I think we kind of touched on this, but what do y'all think are three practical ways that listeners can support a foster kinship family? Donations, just like, know, bassinet, diapers, wipes. I older kids, know, I guess, you know, just make sure they have a place to sleep, make sure, you know, they're ready to receive that child and clothing.

That's what helped us the most. I saw a deal too where they were talking about, so our son worked for High Plains Food Bank and they said that there was a lot of mothers in need of...

formula and baby food and nobody ever donates that stuff. Especially not formula because it's too expensive. ⁓ yeah, mean if you have the means and if you have the ability to donate that to like a food bank type situation, would really help some people that could really support because yeah, it's...

Even back when had the formula was expensive back then. it's doubled. It's actually an alcohol. I don't know how anybody can afford it. ⁓ I mean, if it wasn't... So that's another thing that I don't know that anybody knows, but WIC was helping us with the formula and the baby food and... ⁓

I think I figured it up. It was gonna be like $270 a month for formula and I think we're only paying like 50 of it maybe. We still have to, yeah, we still need another can at the end of the month. Yeah, we have to supplement a little bit. But it's crazy. us a lot, yeah. Yeah, because it is automatic for, I know for sure for kinship families, but I think for foster families in general is that regardless of income, they automatically qualify for WIC. and it's not always fun to...

to go sit there, but they've been super nice. And it really has helped, especially with me staying home. I don't know how people, if you have to buy the formula and the diapers and the childcare, that's insane. I don't even know how we But even childcare, think, if you're certified foster, they'll... If both parents work, well even with kinship too, if both parents work full time, then they will put you on CCMS regardless of income level at that point.

⁓ As well we we were that way when we we both worked full-time and it was like there was no way we could Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot more reasons to do it than not to do it for sure Yeah, I think we I think I think a lot of times, know folks don't know and and and then they just they figure well You know somebody else will do it Somebody else except ⁓ they just don't I mean I remember

teaching piano lessons years ago, and a family, had five foster kids. I guess they had adopted them. And they were explaining to me, and I didn't know back then, that they were going to juvenile hall, because they hadn't done anything wrong, but they didn't. That's the only place they had to take them. And that blew my mind. I couldn't believe that. Yeah, yeah. Well, and even here, we used to have a 90-day shelter out on Pullman, where they could put the kids.

keep them in the region and put them for up to 90 days while they try to figure something out. And that's gone. so there's not, that's why 42 % are going outside of the region. Because there's not even anywhere to kind of put them temporarily until you can figure something else out. Yeah, we had heard one of the foster, or not the foster, the CPS workers.

We're talking about keeping some of those kids in the office until they could find a place. because, you know, they couldn't leave them with the parents, but there was nowhere else for those kids to go. And so they would just start going down the list, calling relatives or anybody they could get to come pick up those kids. Sometimes they would spend hours or days or days sitting in the office with those kids. And, you know, it's heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they in the middle of covid. So, you know, covid everything had shut down.

and then, ⁓ and so the kids weren't in school for a long time, especially the bigger cities. mean, here it was a little bit different, but, ⁓ and so when the kiddos kinda started coming back to school, teachers are mandatory reporters. If they suspect abuse, they have to call. And so just the number of...

of cases was astronomical just across the state. And so they call them CWAP kiddos. They're children without placement. And all across the state, they were just sleeping in offices. And yeah, it's just, ⁓ man, heartbreaking that these kiddos have to sleep on the floor of a CPS office because there's nowhere for them. man.

And if there's any bigger house, I was gonna say, if there's anybody out there, you know, that's wondering about their calling, you know, there's there's no higher calling than than raising children like, yeah. Well, and I'll say, like, I never felt like a good mom or a great, know, like, I'm not the person that's like, oh, kids love kids, you know, and it's the same that, you know, God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called.

And definitely, know, a change of heart. I guess my grandparent thing is kicked in and I just I love staying home with her. You know, it's a lot of fun, but. You know, you may not think it's for you or you. don't know. It's just. I don't know how to phrase I'm trying to say, but it's. I didn't see myself in that role, especially with a newborn, and it's it's been great. Yeah. Lots of blessings. Yeah.

Well, know, James 1:27 is our guiding verse and to care for what is an orphan, this is true religion, right? And so, ⁓ it's super important to us ⁓ that folks would be willing to just say yes, you know? And so, like you guys, I initially, no, don't think so. Okay, well, let me stop and think about this for a minute. Well, that was my selfishness and that's, you know, it's... ⁓

I know, I've lived long enough to know when God tells you to do something, don't not do that. And it's so much easier if you submit and you... And I know there's blessings in there. He knows what's best for us. It's not torture.

And, he, what's that other verse I always, you know, many are the plans of ⁓ man, but the Lord orders their steps. And that's, you know, God has a different plan. You may make your plans all day long. He's like, no, we're gonna do this instead. You're like, God, have you lost your mind? What? So, the first time we got the kids in, it was just the boys. And, I mean, we were, man, we were broke.

two teenage daughters at home, 1200 square foot house. All of a we got these two baby boys and it's Saturday morning. We got them on a Thursday night. It's Saturday morning and I'm going to work a double at Cheddar's because I was working for the district during the day, school district, then waiting tables at night. And I'm like, God, I don't know how this is going to work. And so he led me to James 1:27. But then I was like, wait a minute.

this is not my plan. Like, I have a plan." And then get into, I think it's chapter four where he's like, do not say that next year I will go there and do this. Say that if the Lord wills, then I will do this or that. And that was kind of a shift for me to say, okay, I'm not in control. I'm going to make plans, but I also have to be flexible with the fact that He may not have the same plans as I do. And I need to be...we called it...

When I was in the Marines, called it Semper Gumby, Semper Fidelis is the Marine Corps motto, but Semper Gumby, always flexible. Anyways, well, I appreciate you guys coming on today and ⁓ hopefully somebody out there is kind of hearing God speak in their ears a little bit and, you know, just maybe saying yes. And I appreciate you guys.

doing that and then, know, man, a year later and, you know, I remember sitting in your living room, you were a little kind of... I was like, don't know, I think I the right thing. I kept going back and forth. I just realized I can't go back and forth anymore. Yeah, yeah. So I appreciate it. Guys, we do placement packages for kiddos coming into foster care. And so we deliver to the 26 counties.

That's the size of West Virginia. I don't know if you... Did you all know that? The 26 counties is the size of West Virginia. That's the area that we serve. And so, when ⁓ folks like the Hammons get a phone call and they're bringing kiddos into their home, we load up a suitcase, a Bible, a teddy bear, a book, a toy, and a blanket, and then whatever else they need for every kiddo that's coming to them. And so, we can't do that without ⁓ support.

You know it takes volunteers it takes Funding it takes so many different things and so if you're interested You know $10 a month buys us one outfit a month and $50 a month buys us a case of diapers $100 a month buys us all the clothes we need for one placement package And so if you're interested go to pain handle orphan org slash donation

You can set that monthly donation up. We could do one time gifts as well. So just think about that. Janie, Janie, Janie, thank you so much for your just consistent support of our organization and for your sponsorships of the episode. If you need her, check her out. ETC Bookkeeping. She is just super, super great. So thank you guys and tune in next week. Be sure and like and subscribe and comment and I'll do all the things to help us grow this channel. Thanks, guys.