Season 1 Episode 5: A Three Year Journey of Faith, Family, and Fostering with Bob Talley

Matt (00:01)

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Bob (01:13)

I haven't yet.

Matt (01:26)

and his wife ⁓ fostered and adopted their daughter three years ago. And I remember taking a Placement Package to you guys, but we'll talk about that here in a little bit. So, Bob, go back to kind of the beginning. Where did the decision to foster enter in? Because you have kids, bio kids, right?

Bob (01:37)

Absolutely.

Yeah, so we've been married for 19 years this year, and we've got three boys, 13, 11, and 7. And really, the decision for us to foster really goes back to, I mean, not long after we got married, and we went on a mission trip to Nicaragua with our church. ⁓

My mom actually kind of still jokes about it. Like she when she went she she picked us up at the airport when we when we came back from Nicaragua and she almost picked up a car seat on the way because she was convinced we were going to bring this, you know, a little Nicaraguan baby. Right. So it's something that's been on my heart's on my wife's heart for a very long time. Right. And then for me, it was a little bit slower. It was it was something that, you know, always kind of seemed.

we would talk about it, but it always kind of seemed like, oh, that's way off the distance. And then when it got here, it was like, oh, this is now a conversation we weren't going to have. And honestly, I was a little bit slower just because we had our three boys, and we'd had a couple miscarriages along the way. And even our youngest son's name, his name is Chord.

as in like a power chord, because to have a chord you have to have three notes, and we felt like with our three boys we had our three notes. ⁓ But we did feel like we were done having our own kids, but then just the desire to foster was there. And for me, kind of what helped push me over the line a little bit was two things. I was in a Bible study at the time that met on Saturday mornings, and there was a pastor at our church that was leading it, and he was talking about how...

at the crucifixion, the term that Jesus used when he says, is finished,

was actually a legal term and it was for adoption in Hebrew culture. so, was ⁓ basically him saying, this adoption of the Gentiles into the children of God, the family of God, with this act, it is finished. ⁓ And so, it was basically Jesus declaring that our adoption into his family was complete. ⁓ And so, that kind of messed with me. That put a whole new spin on it for me. ⁓

The other thing that happened is ⁓ I work in an IT company here in town called Runbiz. we do outsourced IT for a lot of companies across Panhandle. And we're very blessed to do IT for a lot of nonprofits, one of which being Amarillo Children's Home. OK. And so I've worked with ACH for, gosh, probably six years now in various capacities.

and have gotten to know ⁓ John Forbus over there and Diane Hill. They've got just a great team over there. during COVID, they always have their annual fundraiser. And during COVID, things were a little bit different. Yeah. And so they had it in the homes. They had smaller groups come in. So it wasn't a large group. It was smaller groups come in, actually tour the homes, watch a ⁓ video. Everybody was masked up and all that stuff. But you actually got to be in the homes and kind of see how they

kids lived and how house parents lived and all that stuff. ⁓ And it just, I remember it, just some of the stories that they told, excuse me, just really impacted me. And that was the moment where it was like, okay, we need to this. And so anyways, we got plugged in. ⁓ We knew some folks over at A World for Children, got plugged in with those guys and started the process of getting certified and...

doing all the classes and all those things. so it took it took about a year for us to get kind of go through that process. And it was it was still so that was in twenty twenty one when we started that process. And you know, there was there was still a lot of things that they were doing remote. So a lot of the classes were over Zoom and ⁓ we knew just an interesting process because in a way they were still trying to figure out how to do all this.

Matt (05:36)

It's...

Bob (05:56)

over zoom. Absolutely. So there were a few few hiccups and bumps along the way. we finally got certified in January of 2022.

Matt (06:07)

So what was the process like? Was it a pain in the neck? Was it, my god, I'm pulling my hair out? Was it easy? What was the process getting licensed like?

Bob (06:18)

⁓

At points it was all three. you know, unfortunately, I don't have any hair to pull out but ⁓ but yeah, it like I said, they were still trying to figure out a lot of just logistics with doing things on zoom and you've got, you know, caseworkers and staff at these various agencies that are we're still not used to having to do all that. You know, they're not IT guys.

Matt (06:45)

Everybody was

going through that. Everybody was going through that. Especially the smaller nonprofits. That's a challenge. It's not like they have a huge ID department to get help with.

Bob (06:58)

Well,

and then you've got the nonprofits facilitating these classes or St. Francis, whoever it was, but then you've also got 20 or so folks joining these classes remotely and they're having internet issues, they're forgetting to mute, you're seeing just a lot of...

Matt (07:23)

I do have short time by the way. I'm not wearing pajama pants.

Bob (07:27)

So

there was a little bit of that, just kind of iterating through that and trying to figure it out. ⁓ There were, I'll say, and I think probably a lot of folks would say this, I think World for Children or Bair Foundation or whatever local agency you go through, they were fantastic. We loved working with them. St. Francis is...

a little bit different story. They, unfortunately, I think have a lot of turnover. I think we had six different caseworkers in the two years that we were fostering Annie. So that was a little challenging because it was kind like we would kind of get used to one person and then it's like, well, they would switch. They would either leave because it's, mean, I can't imagine doing that work. You couldn't.

Matt (08:12)

time.

Bob (08:15)

I just, I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make the cut. So they either leave or they get promoted. And so I think we had two case managers that got promoted and then the rest would kind of do it for a little bit and then try other things. ⁓ at one point they were so short staffed in the Amarillo office that we had somebody, actually two different times, we had somebody from Pampa, from the Pampa office that would drive in and do visits and all that stuff. So you've got the, you know, the...

the reality where you're doing these classes on Zoom, doing everything remote, and then you've got high turnover with St. Francis and just kind of the revolving door of caseworkers. So both of those things were kind of challenging. Yeah, sure. And then on top of that, it like I said, was far enough removed from COVID that there wasn't a whole lot of, there are still a few restrictions that we had to handle, but then also just trying to keep our...

keep our home within compliance with having three kids ⁓ at the time that were, ⁓ let's see, they were 10, nine, and four at the time. And so, you know, keeping medicine locked up. Had to keep reminding them that, you know, once they got their allergy medicine or whatever, they had to lock it back, put it back in the cabinet, lock it back, all that stuff. And so,

Excuse me. So there were, yeah, there were definitely some challenges.

And the other thing I'll say, too, is that I'm very grateful. ⁓ Annie had a court appointed attorney that worked with her and she did a great job ⁓ advocating for what was best for Annie. Right. Because, no no story of a kid in foster care is simple or easy. No, there's always complexity. There's always, you know, in our case, there were four other siblings that were in different homes down by Houston. And so.

⁓

And we got her when she was three months old. so we were the only family that really she'd ever known. ⁓ so at various points they were trying to reunify with siblings and we're like, that's great. I mean, in a perfect world they should be with their siblings. But the only siblings that she knows are our kids. The only family that she knows is our family. so ⁓ again, her attorney did a great job just advocating for what was actually best for her to be ripped from the only family that

she'd known after being ripped from her mom, that's, even at three months old, that's traumatic.

Matt (10:47)

I mean,

they used to say, oh, they're just babies. They don't remember anything. And we talked last week with Robin, and she recommended it. And it's a book that I continue to... It's on my list, sticky noted on my computer, but it's called The Body Keep Score. And it talks about the traumas that your body has...

in you that you're just not even aware that's there. so, you know, I make the correlation like, if you were dropped in the middle of the Amazon jungle naked, that's about what it's like when you're three months old and the only person that you've known is mom, even though mom has difficulties. But that's your normal.

And so the tastes are different, the smells are different, the skin tone is everything is foreign. And that's dramatic. mean, and just because at five they can't point back to a day when she was wearing this outfit or whatever, she can't articulate that, it's there. I mean, it's definitely there. ⁓ And we're learning so much more about that. ⁓

now ⁓ that, yeah, just because they're little doesn't mean that they're a blank slate, you know? There's stuff that goes on in utero that, I mean, we're just now sort of starting to understand ⁓ that makes a huge impact. Just having a stressful pregnancy, ⁓ know? To full marriage, you know, whatever, and then there's, you know,

Let's say dad loses his job in the middle of pregnancy. Mom has a whole bunch of stress and introduces stress hormones to the kiddo and all the things. So just because they're infants doesn't mean that they're a blank slate. ⁓ So tell us about the day. Tell us about the day when she came.

Bob (13:01)

Man, it was gonna be a normal day. I don't remember a lot leading up to that day just because it was pretty routine. We got the kids to school, I went to work, and we had had a couple of calls. So we got our certification in January of 2022. D-Day was May 4th, 2022 when we got her Star Wars Day as several folks in my office like to remind me.

And so we had just a normal day. We got ready for school. ⁓ And ⁓ sorry, I was going say we'd had a couple of calls before. because of our situation with our bio kids and all that, we wanted to kind of keep, we were shooting for a younger ⁓ Placement, child. ⁓

which is just a weird thing in and of itself. Like when they ask you kind of what your preferences are, it's like, this isn't a... Yeah, this is a child. I feel weird about this. But anyway, so ⁓ we've gotten a few ⁓ calls for placements, but they were all out of the Plainview area. you know, it's... ⁓ mean, I'm thankful that in the matter of time it took us to...

Matt (14:00)

Stopping.

Bob (14:20)

my wife and I to sync up on whether or not we were gonna say yes or no. And a couple of them we said yes. ⁓ But by the time we had made that decision in maybe three or four minutes, somebody else from the Plainview area had stepped up. so grateful for that, that those kids got to stay in their areas. ⁓ But with Annie, we got the call that afternoon and...

our company was actually having an outing that night. We were all going to go to a Sod Poodles game. And so I had, you know, I can still remember sitting on sitting at my desk when my wife called and I had my Sod Poodles ticket sitting on the just on my desk right above my keyboard and. ⁓

I'm a big baseball fan, so I've kind of been looking forward to that. And we got the call. we had one of the stipulations that we had said was that we didn't prefer an emergency Placement just because typically you don't know what the permanency of that is going to be. And we had some friends that had gone through this process before and had kids placed with them and then kind of in and out or with them for six months and then taken away. ⁓

While we felt called to foster, we didn't necessarily want to do that to our kids. And they proved this with Annie. They attached quickly. ⁓ So anyway, we got this call for an emergency Placement. And it this little girl that had been taken away from her mom. And at the time, there was very little that we knew about her. ⁓ And as the process went on, we learned more and more, obviously. But we took a few minutes and...

Beth kind of told me what we did know and we prayed about it, felt like it was a yes, like we needed to say yes to this little girl. so she called World for Children back, let them know that we were good to go and felt kind of surreal. I was still sitting at my desk. I think we got the call maybe around 3.30 or 4 that afternoon.

So I know I sat at my desk till five, but I couldn't tell you why. But anyway, so we, you know, I went home, we met, you got all the kids and kind of gathered them up, told them what was going to happen.

Matt (16:30)

Yeah, yeah.

Bob (16:40)

And then we thought, you know, let's go get some dinner real quick. We'll go celebrate what God's doing in this. We'll have another kind of our maybe our last meal as a family of five. so we went over to Blue Sky and we're sitting there having a lovely meal. They told us that they'd be by probably 830 or 9 that night. And so we had sat down at Blue Sky and we'd been there for maybe 10, 15 minutes and got the call and said, hey, we're in your driveway. Okay.

Matt (17:07)

I'm like...

Bob (17:09)

Everybody eat your burgers real quick. Yeah, so we went back home and there are a couple of couple of folks from St. Francis there and and you know, they brought her in. We kind of think my wife was the first one to hold her and and you know, you could tell she was even at three months old. She was taken in a lot. Yeah, and we don't know a lot about where where she was. We know kind of roughly where she was in town, but.

Matt (17:11)

Yeah, wrap that up.

Bob (17:38)

We just knew that she had a pretty rough first three months. ⁓ you could tell, she was pretty malnourished and very, I'll never forget this, she was very rigid. Her fists were clenched. And found out later through one of the therapists that worked with her later on that, and for some reason they didn't do drug testing on her whenever they got her, but ⁓ the therapist said that what she was experiencing was pretty... ⁓

consistent with some sort of drug exposure either in the womb or outside. Anyway, so she was just, and I just remember her eyes, she still does, she has massive eyes. ⁓ And she was just taking everything in. ⁓ She didn't cry, she had kind of conditioned herself because her bio mom would leave her in the apartment for...

hours to maybe a couple days at a time to go do whatever. so she had conditioned herself ⁓ to soothe herself in other ways. Crying didn't do anything. Exactly.

Matt (18:48)

When I cry, nobody comes so I stop crying.

This is happens. ⁓ There's another book called The Connected Child. you heard of it? So Dr. Karen Purvis wrote it. She has since passed. ⁓ But she talks about going over to ⁓ an orphanage in China. And she said it was the most bizarre thing because you walk in this room and there'd be 20 or 30 cribs full of babies and it is...

Bob (18:55)

I've heard of it. haven't read it yet.

Matt (19:18)

completely silent. And then that's why, because they literally had bottles attached to the crib so they could roll over and suck on it. then so they were changed in the morning and changed in the evening and the rest of the day they were just there. And so within days the kids learned if I cry, nobody...

And so we just stop crying. And yeah, you have to figure out some other way to soothe yourself.

Bob (19:52)

Yeah, yep. she she did that she and to this day she still sucks her thumb and she twists her hair and she'll so she'll suck her thumb with one hand and then twist her hair with the other one. And so anyway, we. ⁓ Yeah, so we got her got to got to interact with her for a little bit and then and then St. Francis was like, OK, well. See you. It kind of reminded me of the day our for our oldest son was born. It's like.

We're in the hospital and he shows up and we're in there for a couple days and then they said, okay, you're good to go. And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Where's the manual for Now with fostering is different because we had a year's worth of manuals, trainings and all that stuff.

Matt (20:37)

Which

on its face is like there's so much information coming at you. It's impossible to absorb all of it.

Bob (20:49)

But

the other thing is, like with anything, any job training or anything like that, you can have all the training in the world, but then once you get into a situation, it's like, well, I learned all this stuff, now I can't decipher what applies here and what doesn't. Anyway, so it was very overwhelming. We were very grateful. It's something we've been praying for for a long time. ⁓ And our kids, our boys were...

Especially our oldest two, the four year old is kind like, wait a minute, what's going on? I'm not the youngest anymore. So he had to adjust a little bit. But our oldest two were just over the moon. They were kind of arguing over who was going to get to hold it first and all that. So we've got ⁓ to this day, some of my favorite pictures that we have of my boys are the night that we got Annie and them just sitting in this green chair that we used to have and holding her and just these big grins on their faces. So it was a surreal moment for sure. ⁓

Matt (21:31)

you

Bob (21:47)

It was great, but it was surreal.

Matt (21:49)

And yeah, it's wonderfully terrifying. Yes. Does that sound about?

Bob (21:53)

Right. That's a great one. What was

the...terricided was our word. We were terrified and excited. ⁓ Terricided.

Matt (22:03)

I like that too.

So what happens next?

Bob (22:08)

So we we've been there. We're just kind of, know, at that point, just kind of adjusting, you know, kind of like, hey, there's this new person in our family and and she's not crying. She's not really doing anything. She's just kind of staring at us like we, you know, just in that moment, this this deep appreciation that she was in our lives now, but also.

kind of running through the list of things like, because we were very blessed to have, obviously we had our three boys. So we had some essential things. We had a crib, we had a rocking chair, had ⁓ toys and blankets and stuff from them. Some of them were a little beat up because they're boys. But we had some stuff. You don't know anything about that.

Matt (22:55)

telling

you man, swear to God every day, it's like every day something is broken and I'm like, you guys are breaking stuff faster than I can fix it, you're killing me. ⁓

Bob (23:06)

And even

when they were, know, however old they were, like 10 and 10 9, that was the case then for sure. So we had a few things. But, you know, one thing that we hadn't really thought about, because we didn't know, we didn't know for sure what age, you know, child we were going get. And so and this is this was in 2020, I mean, early 2022. So there was still, I know if you remember this or not, there was a formula shortage.

So we were looking on walmart.com and trying to figure out where we can find formula and there was nothing. And they told us when they brought her that there was a specific kind that she needed because she was so malnourished. So at that point, we're kind of freaking out like, okay, now what? In our heads, we're making a list of, okay, what do we need to run to Walmart and get? we had... ⁓

We had a few things for little girls, like maybe some dresses. One of my wife's favorite things is, I mean, I can't tell you how many bows Annie owns. so we had, think more at the time, I think we had more bows than anything else. But it was in that moment, we're kind of like, okay, especially for me, I think my wife is still...

you know, just kind of in awe and really soaking in the moment. I'm in my head, I'm like, OK, I'm creating a list of the things that we need to go like get right. ⁓ So that was because at this point, St. Francis has already left and we're just kind of like booing and awing over Annie. But I'm also having all these thoughts in the back of my head. What what do we need? And that's where you came in. So we we'd been there. ⁓

Matt (24:33)

now.

Yeah.

Bob (24:54)

Kind of in that moment from, I mean, not long. think St. Francis had left. Once she showed up on our doorstep, everything else is kind of a blur, timeline-wise. she, I think they'd left maybe 15, 20 minutes before.

before you came. And so we and I think you'd called Beth. No. Just to see what you needed or see what we needed. And I remember Beth getting off the phone being like, somebody is going to bring us all the things that we need. What do you mean, like all the things that we need? So she started running down the list of what you all talked about. And I'm like, that's everything that I just had in my head. And so so yeah, so you guys showed up. Yeah. And I think you brought most of your family.

Matt (25:17)

I think so.

I'm like...

it.

Nikki was with me and the three kids were there too.

Bob (25:45)

Yeah, so we

got to, I mean, you brought in, I want to it was like five or six bags worth of stuff.

Matt (25:53)

Yeah, and I remember yours because we went to four different stores trying to find the formula that she needed. And I think we ended up finding it at like CVS or something like that. went to Target, we went to Walmart, we went to three or four different places until we finally found the right one. ⁓

Bob (26:11)

Well, thank you.

Yeah, so, yeah, you guys showed up and it was just ⁓ it was just I can't tell you how much peace it brought me. all of us. But but especially like I said, I was the one in my head running down the list of what we didn't have and, you know, wanting to be. ⁓

Honestly, think now that I look back on it, wanting to be a good dad to this little girl, to our foster daughter, and not feeling equipped to do that in that moment. And so when you guys showed up, it was just like, okay, okay, this is gonna be okay. God's got us. so, you guys had formula, diapers, wipes, some pajamas, some clothes, blankets, little toy. mean, she's still...

I think it was a stuffed bunny rabbit. It's still in her crib. She's in a big girl bed now. It's still in her bed. The blanket that you brought is still in her room over her chair. She's grown out of everything else, thankfully. But it was just, you know, it was so cool to see you show up with everything that we That's cool. You were a godsend for sure.

Matt (27:09)

that.

Well, I appreciate that. It's as much a blessing to us as it is because, you we started this whole thing because the same type of thing happened to us, right? We had these three kids show up with their clothes on their back, not even shoes. ⁓ so, these friends and family and church started bringing us this stuff. And it was like, I remember...

like thinking, they had come at, I don't know, eight, nine o'clock at night, you know, where are they gonna sleep, what are they gonna wear, you know, and all the things. And so we remember the blessing it was for some folks to show up for us, and because the first time we got them, that didn't happen. And we were really kind of on our own. We felt like the whole year that we had them, and then the second go-round,

It was like, is what the community should be doing. It's not just clothes. It's not just a blanket. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the feedback that I get from foster families is in that moment, we feel seen, we feel valued, this kid has value, ⁓ and supported. I mean, talk about the next three years.

Were there times when you felt like nobody understands what in the world we're going through?

Bob (28:55)

Absolutely. ⁓ You know, I mean, there were times where we didn't. When we got into it, I don't think we fully knew, you know, what we were getting, you can't get into. And and I mean, she's absolutely worth it. yeah, over the next over the next three years, it was especially especially during the when we were fostering to adopt her. ⁓ There were there were some just some challenging times and. ⁓

And I think there's... Well, I'll say this. I think everyone is called to help foster families, right? I mean, it's y'all's verse. Yeah, it's 27. Yeah. This is true religion to take care of widows and orphans. I think everyone is called to that. Now, is everyone called to foster or foster to adopt? I don't think so. No. But everyone is called to help out somehow.

Matt (29:52)

Everybody can do something. Bring us an outfit, donate $10 a month or something like that. can all be a CASA Casas. Did Andy have a CASA?

Bob (30:03)

She didn't. was such a shortage that we didn't have. But like I said, her court-appointed attorney was fantastic. ⁓ I think that is the way that she is called, to take care of orphans. then honestly, one of the biggest things for us was our... ⁓

Matt (30:06)

in.

Bob (30:25)

you know, we had some family go through the classes so that they could babysit for us and things like that. have to even to babysit foster kids, you have to go through some certifications, first aid training and all these things. so ⁓ we had some family members that did that. But ⁓ one of the biggest things that was helpful was ⁓

respite care. Yeah. Because even though they go through, there's a level of classes that they go through to be able to watch her during the day. But if she wants to stay overnight somewhere, that's a whole another. That's a whole another. It really is. really is. And so, you know, there were there were some times where we just my wife and I just needed to get out of town and.

Matt (30:56)

almost as much as getting licensed.

Because it's an emotional rollercoaster.

Bob (31:12)

Absolutely is. mean, that's what I tell everybody is you've got the ups and downs of just the process itself, know, just learning more about her backstory and the trauma there and the things that she was pulled from and all that. then you've also got, ⁓ you know, I tell everybody it's a broken system because it shouldn't need to exist. You know, the foster system should not need to exist, but I'm thankful that it does because we live in a fallen world. ⁓

People are people. are people. And so you've got a broken system that is also, I don't know exactly when they began the privatization of CPS, you've got in Texas, I forget how many.

Matt (31:43)

Let's see.

Bob (32:01)

different agencies there are that have kind of taken over the role of what child protective services used to be. for our area at St. Francis, there's another one for the Houston area. And so there was, I mentioned earlier that she had some siblings in the Houston area. Three that were with a foster mom down there and then one that was with a biological, I think a paternal grandparent. know, so then you've got Amarillo trying to talk to Houston and

and then turnover in both agencies. at one point, her file was on a flash drive and they lost the flash drive. Emotional roller coaster is an understatement. And that's everybody's story. I feel like in a lot of ways, we were pretty blessed. She was never actually taken from our home. They tried a couple of times. And fortunately, my wife was talking to our St. Francis.

Matt (32:40)

my god.

Bob (32:59)

representative and was able to kind of change their mind on that a little bit. And then again, her attorney did a great job of really pushing for what was best for her. so between all of that, it was an emotional roller coaster. And so, there were a couple of times where we just in order to preserve our sanity and maybe our marriage, we needed to just get some time away. was for ourselves.

Matt (33:25)

You really do regular

married folks with with Quote-unquote regular kids need need need a break. you know that every time they Fart just about you got to fill out a form, right? mean goodness gracious. You're not wrong. Yeah, Lee. You're not wrong I mean every time there's a scraped knee or ⁓ You know

got to take an allergy pill or whatever, there's a form, you know, and all the things. yeah, it is an exhausting, exhausting journey and having that, you know, and like you say, in different ways that different people can serve like providing respite is a huge, huge thing.

Bob (34:10)

Well, that was that was a very long story to say that we were incredibly grateful for the people that stepped up that that weren't planning to foster. They weren't planning to adopt. They just recognized the need for just a place for foster kids to stay overnight. And we didn't take, you know, four or five day long trips. It was just it was a quick trip to Albuquerque or go in the city or just just getting out of town for 24 hours to reconnect as as, you know, as a couple, but then also

kind of talk through what the next steps were going to be like and what... Just praying through what our life was going to be like for the next however many months we didn't really know. ⁓ So just to get on the same page. ⁓ And so we're very grateful for those families that stepped up to do that.

Matt (34:57)

Yeah, because

those are few and there's just not enough of them, ⁓ and it does. It's an important, important service and things like that. So, what about the last three years, right? ⁓ I was going to ask you the God wink. Tell us about the God wink.

Bob (35:18)

So

yeah, was a moment. And again, the night that we got her is kind of a blur. So I don't remember exactly when. It was after you guys had left. I think we were kind of, we'd gotten her kind of settled in her room and we were kind of putting away all the stuff that you all brought over. And we were just talking about how grateful we were. And it's a phrase that we've used kind of throughout our marriage that if we...

were unsure about something, you know, and kind of stepped out in faith and did it anyway, there'd been several times where the Lord would, in His goodness, kind of give us a little confirmation, you know? And so, my wife calls them a Godwink. And so, we were kind of packing away all the things that you guys have brought over. And I don't remember how she phrased it, but it was something like, this was a Godwink. You know, this is just...

you guys showing up and taking care of us in that way was just a little way of the Lord to say, I got you. You're going be okay. This is the right thing. ⁓ And so, yeah, you guys were our God-winkers.

Matt (36:28)

great.

I love it. So it's three, you've had her coming up on three years, like in a couple weeks.

Bob (36:35)

couple weeks away. ⁓

So she got it when she was three months old. She just turned just turned three in January and ⁓ which was interesting too because for a while we didn't know what her birthday was because she had various dates on various pieces of paper. So ⁓ yeah she just turned three and yeah coming up on three years of having her in our home and we got to adopt her officially last April. So we.

⁓ You know got to got to do that so very grateful ⁓ you know grateful that she's she's a she's a Talley now and ⁓ Just I mean when when you when you come to my house, I mean she Our older boys still just think she hung the moon, but she and our youngest son our best buds Like they you know I mentioned earlier at first he was a little apprehensive. Yeah, just cuz he's he's he was the baby you know and now

is when you're four years old and you're not the baby anymore. That's tough to handle. But they are best friends. That's great. And it's so funny because she will just do whatever he does, she's going to do. So we're really working on him to stop making fart noises and stuff like that.

Matt (37:53)

⁓

yeah, she's gonna be a tomboy.

Bob (37:56)

she absolutely is. I think she's already stronger than all of us. She's just she's very strong. But anyway, yeah, so we got to the adopt her last year and since then it's just been I mean, obviously not having to because once you go through all the certifications and the trainings and stuff, that doesn't mean you stop. No. As long as your home is open. Yeah. You have more trainings to do and everything like that. So we just because the process with her was so

Matt (37:58)

Ha ha ha.

Bob (38:25)

kind of the emotional roller coaster that you mentioned. ⁓ We paused ⁓ any new placements or anything like that. We just want to, right now, just focus on her. ⁓ And she still had some kind of residual health issues that we had to work through. had ⁓ some physical therapy for a while. Like I said, when we got her, her muscles were just so tight, just from either self-soothing or... ⁓

clenching or whatever it was, just all the stress from being by yourself at three months old. So she had some of that. She had, like I said, the therapist thought there was probably some drug exposure at some point. And because she just didn't eat, and so the muscles in her mouth had not developed in the way that they needed to to be able to eat. So she had to have eating therapy, which I didn't know was a thing. When I found out that she was going to have that, I...

Matt (39:17)

in the end.

Bob (39:21)

I was kind of shocked. Right. Yeah. So it's just amazing the things that as you know, as a I guess a quote unquote normal kid, you don't you don't ever think about that. So that was, know, during the first that was that was probably within the first year that we had her that she had pretty intensive therapy. It was about four or five times a month. ⁓ But she's doing great now. She ⁓

Matt (39:22)

thought that was involuntary.

Bob (39:50)

She still, think just because she was tensing her muscles so much, she is incredibly strong. In more ways than one. But she can hang with her brothers on just about anything. And she kind of bounces around everywhere. ⁓ Which is just, it's fun to look back and see the pictures that we took the night that we got her. just, even at three months old, she just kind of looked sad.

⁓ And to see her kind of jumping around the house and playing with her brothers and all that, we just feel very blessed that she was able to make the turnaround that she did. We're thankful for the therapists. ⁓ She's been at ⁓ Head Start ⁓ with Region 16, and they've done great things with her. And so she is just a different kid than she was when she came into our house.

Matt (40:51)

What was the craziest thing you had to do during all the licensing process?

Bob (40:59)

⁓ I like to consider myself a pretty practical person. ⁓ And so I would say one of the weirder things was ⁓ double locking all of the kind of the dangerous things, which I get, you know, double locking the medicine, like I get that. ⁓

Honestly, that's probably something we should do anyway. Yeah, just to make sure our own kids don't get into something they shouldn't. But ⁓ but the and I remember I had a co-worker that had gone through the process of fostering to adopt and and he just said, man, get ready to lock your guns up. know, I'm a red blooded Texan. And so I've got got a few shotguns and and a couple of pistols and maybe a rifle. But I just remember thinking.

Matt (41:44)

out of us.

Bob (41:54)

Well, how am going to protect my family if somebody comes in here? This seems counterproductive. Yeah. So that was one of them. That was one of the ones that I thought, seems that seems odd. Yeah. Because I keep I keep everything locked up anyway. But having to double lock it. Yeah. Like this seems counterproductive. But I guess if somebody comes in, I'll just beat him with the gun case. ⁓ So there's that. ⁓ I think. You know, probably. One thing that I

that I don't know that I was prepared for was because her parents are originally from Somalia and she was born, obviously born in Texas, but we don't really know where. We think that because mom had already had four kids taken away, we think that she was maybe born at home. ⁓ There's no record of her birth anywhere. ⁓ We were able to get a birth certificate later, but... ⁓

But it took some digging to figure out when and where and all that. ⁓ with her obviously having, ⁓ her parents being from Somalia, she looks different than we do. ⁓ Which I was really proud of my kids because they're like, ⁓ she's got different skin. That's cool. And then it was just on you go. ⁓

Matt (43:16)

on

Bob (43:20)

For other people in our lives, even some family members, it was a little bit different. Absolutely. Because, especially for, I think, an older generation, there were some, you know, just some things that were normal for them growing up. And even comments that they would make seemed, you know, they just, it was phrases that they'd use their whole lives. so, some things from family members and...

you know, people from other areas that we were, other things that we were involved in, you know, church or groups or work or whatever. ⁓ You know, there were some interesting things said, think, just out of very well-meaning, but maybe also just a little...

Maybe just a little unaware. Yeah, yeah. And so that that was that was something I wasn't quite prepared for. Yeah. But but it also led to some beautiful stories, too. There were we had some family members that were like, you know, I didn't realize that I maybe had a little kind of racist mindsets until she came along. ⁓ And she she's she's kind of helped.

helped break that off and helped me realize that I had some of that that I needed to let go. So it was interesting, but it led to some beautiful things.

Matt (44:53)

I remember when we had the boys the first time and they were two and four and I had to make a drawing of the house and make a map of an evacuation plan and hang it down where he could see it and it's like he's two. Like he doesn't know that this box is the house and the red arrows and he goes, my man, that's like, you gotta be kidding me. Whatever.

Bob (45:19)

Is this

Mario Brothers or is this... wait, that was our house? If you're drawing skills or anything like mine, you wouldn't be able to make it out anyway.

Matt (45:23)

Gosh dang.

Okay,

so I just had to use paint like on the computer, you know, just made a rectangle. Just like whatever. ⁓ man. So are there we talked about the encouragements and supports that have helped you. What are are there anything that you were like, man, I wish we had had this or.

Bob (45:34)

You were smarter than I was.

Matt (45:56)

would have this now? Are there support mechanisms that you ⁓ needed that weren't there or that you need now that you aren't aware of or anything like that?

Bob (46:10)

You know, I think we were, were and are very, very blessed in that ⁓ we have... of our ⁓ journey that I didn't mention was that we had multiple friends and even family that had fostered to adopt ⁓ before us. ⁓ So my brother-in-law and his wife, they fostered to adopt three girls. ⁓

We've got some friends, some really good friends that have three, even their girls, they had three bio kids of their own that were in high school and college. And they adopted three little boys that are close to our kids age. And so we had a good, at least a good frame of reference. know, it's, every story is different and everybody's experience is different.

but they were able to share some insights from their journeys and we got to see ⁓ kind of their perspective on some things. there are a few cases where it definitely helped having that going into a situation with St. Francis or whatever the case may be. The other thing is we're very blessed with ⁓ family in town. So both my parents are in town. In fact, they live seven doors down from us. ⁓

my brother-in-law and his wife actually live across the street. ⁓ And then my wife's family, they're all in town. so, ⁓ you know, there was just... ⁓ We were very blessed from the beginning to have a lot of love for our little girl. so, and I know everybody's story is not like that. And so we...

really are very humbled and very blessed that we had such a good support system. That being said, there were a few things that would come up because our agency, A World for Children, would have periodic events. I remember one where we we just went to a park and just played at a park.

But it was a good time to interact with other foster families and kind of hear their stories, hear what they were doing, how are they having these conversations with their kids and between their bio kids and their adopted kids, how are they having conversations around that process with their kids and with their family? In fact, I remember it was the first time I met John Forbus, who's now the executive director at Amarillo Children's Home. We were just pushing our kids on a swing.

and got to meet him and kind of hear some of their story. ⁓ And it was just, it was the encouragement that I didn't know that I needed at the time. ⁓ Especially for us, it was a good, it helped my perspective a lot because we were.

On the emotional roller coaster, there were a couple of times where we felt like we were at the bottom. had just taken this plunge and we were at the bottom of this thing and I don't know if we're going to make it out. But then you hear other stories from other foster families and it's like, OK, no, we're like, she hasn't actually been pulled from our home. know, bio parents are not fighting for custody. They're not, you know, we.

we're actually more fortunate than we think we are. ⁓ Because like I said, that's not everybody's story. So was very encouraging for us to meet with some of these other foster families and kind of hear what was going on with them, hearing their success stories, hearing the things that were going well, the adoptions they were getting to have and the breakthroughs they were having with their foster kids. And then also,

also just kind of being there with them in the heartache and all that. that was, like I said, that was the encouragement that I didn't know that I needed. And also, Amarillo Angels does a lot for foster families and not just foster kids, but everybody in your family. And so I remember being invited to an event they were having at, I think, Air U

And but all the kids were invited, know, even our bio kids and and we showed up and they had pizza and they had. ⁓ At least from for my boys, way too much Dr. Pepper and, you know, and got to got to go play for a couple of hours. Yeah, sure. And that was that was huge. And and it's one of my I mean, our kids still talk about it. You know, and Annie at the time was maybe.

I don't even know if she was two yet when that happened. I think she would be maybe between one and two when we got to go do that. So it's something that she'll never remember, but the rest of us have been impacted by it. ⁓

Matt (51:09)

You know, that's so a place for coffee connection, right? Because we do, I said this in the intro episode, we do better in community and connecting with other folks that have a similar story. I mean, know, ⁓ somebody from Nigeria is not going to connect very well with somebody from, you know,

like Laos, you know, mean, they just have to, not that they can't or anything like that, but you have two totally different experiences. And so it's difficult to relate. when you put folks together that have a similar story, ⁓ those are what we need. so that's a big part of the reason for this podcast is, you know,

We're all busy. We're all doing the things and stuff like that. And sometimes it's hard to connect in person. Obviously, connecting in person is great, you know, but hopefully being able to get on here and listen to some stories and connect that way as well. so, so, yeah, connection is just it's just vital ⁓ in whatever path you're walking. I mean, it can be, you know.

It could be two people going to school together, you know, or whatever. But walking that out is great. And Serena's going to be on the podcast here in a couple of weeks from Amarillo Angels. ⁓ So if someone was listening and was thinking about fostering, what do you tell them? What would you tell them?

Bob (52:46)

nice.

⁓ I think I would say it's worth it and get ready for the roller coaster. You know, I think like I said earlier, I think I think everyone is called to to help foster kids in some capacity. I don't think everyone is called to foster. So if if you're feeling called to to actually foster, whether it's.

We had some friends that just fostered. They didn't want a foster to adopt. They already had their own kids, but they recognized the need for kids to go until they could get placed or until mom could get healthy or whatever it may be. So whether you feel like you're called to foster or foster to adopt, man, if you feel that, then take a step of faith and... ⁓

and go for it because there's a definite need. I mean, I forget what the latest stat is on how many kids in our, just in the Panhandle are foster kids or in foster homes. But it's a definite need.

Matt (54:17)

600

come into care in the 26 counties a year, about 600.

Bob (54:23)

Okay, I was thinking it was less than that, so I'm glad you had the better numbers than I So there's a definite need, for sure. think when I say it's worth it, mean, she is the light of our world. I she can light up a room. I mentioned her eyes earlier. She just has these...

mean, the night that we got her, at one point she got up, she wasn't crying, but she was kind of fussy. It was about four in the morning. So got up with her and just took her downstairs and we sat on the couch. And I just remember, I think I just stared at her eyes for like, until like six in the morning. And she still has that. So, I mean, she can light up a room. She has the life of the party. ⁓ And so it's really cool to see what God did in her. ⁓

So it's worth it just for her. ⁓ She is absolutely worth it. But it's also worth it just to see what is done in our kids, and in myself, and my wife, and in our marriage, and our family. ⁓

Matt (55:31)

I mean, it's

a sacrifice for the bio kids too. It is. mean, it is. It's a whole family.

Bob (55:37)

Yeah, it is. And we had some conversations with them, with our bio kids. ⁓

you know, throughout the process of like, this, you know, this could happen. At one point, were, St. Francis was going to come take her on Halloween night. And we, you know, we, we all had costumes picked out and it was, I mean, we, so we have that, we had that conversation with our kids and like, Hey, they might, they might come get her tonight. And fortunately that didn't happen. But I mean, it just, it, even just the thought of her not being in our home crushed them. Yeah. ⁓ but on the flip side of that, seeing how much they love her and see you and how much.

They have just invested in her as a person and ⁓ it's made a big impact on them. I think I told you this last week, our oldest is actually running, he made it. He's ⁓ running for student council at his school. ⁓ part of his, ⁓ he had to write a little essay kind of talking about why he wanted to be in student council. And they have to pick a nonprofit to... ⁓

to want to support and kind of as their, you know, kind of, yeah, some way to volunteer and give back. And he picked Panhandle Orphan Care Network. Because he came to me and was like, hey, dad, what's the name of that guy that you know that, and I've told him about Max a lot. So he's like, the guy with the cool dog and.

Matt (56:48)

volunteering.

Bob (57:05)

They showed up the night that we got Annie and gave us all the stuff. was like, oh, that's Matt with Panhandle Orphan Care Network. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, I want to pick them. And so anyway, so even just, it's worth it not just for getting Annie out of a situation that she didn't need to be in. It's worth it to see the impact that it has on, like for him to write that as part of his essay.

Matt (57:14)

That's awesome.

Bob (57:33)

⁓ You know, was three years ago that made a huge impact on him as a 10-year-old then. ⁓ So it's worth it. And I would say get ready because you just, don't think, I mean, even if you've got all the support in the world and, you know, go through all the classes and have friends that have done it before and now have a podcast where they can, you know, get some other perspective and kind of some insight.

I no story is the same. And so you never know. You never know what the situation is going to be. ⁓ And honestly, more than anything, think having support and having connection is vital. But we would not have made it through if we hadn't been relying on the Lord through the process. can't tell you how many prayers were prayed and how many ⁓ just...

times that we've spent literally on our face asking the Lord that we would get to keep her ⁓ or asking him to intervene in a courtroom that we couldn't be in. ⁓ And so it was... That ⁓ was the main thing that got us through. Having family and having friends and a support system were great.

Matt (58:53)

They're great, yeah. But... You're relying on the Lord. It's the... Yeah.

Bob (58:58)

Yeah, I can't imagine going through this process without him.

Matt (59:02)

You know, the reason we picked James 127 is our guiding verse. When we got the boys the first time, we were broke.

my gosh, we were broke. We were living in this 1200 square foot house, two teenage daughters, and then we got these two baby boys. I was working two full time jobs. I was substituting every day at the school district, and then I waited tables at Cheddar's at night, worked a double on Saturday, and then on Sunday, I led worship for little church service, and then did a youth program in the afternoon. And so, like...

We were just tapped. mean, and then we just get this call and it's like, hey, will you take these kids? And we said, yes. And a couple of days later, I'm like praying. like, God, I need you to make this abundantly clear that this is what you're calling us to do because I don't know how I'm to feed these kids, let alone anything else. I ⁓ was doing a reading plan and I didn't go looking.

I just, James was the next book on my list and I've read it a thousand times and I opened it up and I just start reading and I get down to the word, you know, care for widows and orphan. This is true religion. And I was like, okay, you're calling me to do this. You're to have to figure it out. You you're going to have to make it work. And he did. But yeah, you have to have that. You have to have that reliance on the Lord because it's, I mean...

It's the hardest thing we've ever done. mean, hands down. Yeah, it's probably the longest thing we've ever done, too. It's been 11 years. But going through, especially during that early part, it's hard. And you definitely have to have a good support structure and faith in the Lord, for sure. So what would you say to the community at large to help understand the needs of

foster parents.

Bob (1:01:09)

You know, I think before we went on this journey ourselves, fostering was something that I knew that I knew it was out there. I knew it was necessary. just I think I thought that if you're like it's it's either you foster or you don't. Right. You know, it was pretty black and white for me. it was pretty extreme, you know. And the more that we've gotten into it, the more I've seen the Lord use people.

Like I said, providing respite care or volunteering for Amarillo Angels or being a social worker for an adoption agency or a foster agency, there's a lot of ways to do this. It's not just you foster or you don't. And so I think there's...

There's probably a lot of ways you can do this. mean, we like said, we went through a world for children. I know there's there are other great organizations out there. ⁓ Amarillo Angels is fantastic. I know there are other organizations that support foster families ⁓ in, you know, like you guys and other groups that kind of provide support along the way. ⁓ But it.

I don't know, it's kind of a cliche saying, it really does take a village to raise your own kids, let alone foster kids. And so I think, just see, maybe even Google, what organizations you can get involved with. If you've got time to give, give that. If you've got money to give, give that. If you've got... ⁓

space to give as a respite provider or even as a kind of a short-term Placement, know, give that. That was, I think that for me that was the biggest realization was we had something to give. ⁓ And in some cases it was our hearts. ⁓ And in some cases they were kind of ripped out of our chests and put back. But I think everybody's got something to give. And I think maybe there's a...

I think for a lot of folks, because it was this way for me, there feels like a barrier to entry, where it's like I don't feel equipped to foster. I don't know that, mean, most days I don't feel equipped to parent my own kids, let alone someone else's. there's, I think if we could lower the barrier to entry, just maybe recognize for folks that there are ways to help out where you don't have to, ⁓ you know, have a...

There are other ways to help besides just fostering. And I say just fostering. I actually hate the word just in that case. besides fostering, there are other ways to help out. And so I would say find ways to get involved with you guys or other agencies in the area. there's a lot of need.

Matt (1:04:21)

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Well, thank you. That's good. Let's see.

Do you have a story of hope or something that would speak to someone who is feeling overwhelmed right now?

Bob (1:04:40)

man, ⁓ yeah, I think I mean, I wish I could just put up a slideshow of Annie She is she is our story of hope. ⁓ You know, just. I think just seeing. ⁓ Honestly, like when I well today, I went home for lunch and normally she. ⁓ My mother-in-law picks her up from from school and.

brings her home. so I went a little bit later than normal. And so I was there when she got home and she picked her up, actually took her to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. She's got an ear infection today. But so even though she's not feeling good, you know, she's got an ear infection in one ear. She walked in the door and saw me when she wasn't expecting to see me and just like threw up her hands like, hey, ran over to me and gave me a hug. And so. Yeah, I think I think.

I think she's our story of hope. She in and of herself. Just seeing, again, seeing what the Lord has done through in and through her. I think too, mean, going back to your previous question about how people can help out, mean, there are also the teachers at Head Start that have worked with her and helped her and...

the physical therapists and the eating therapists and just so many people that have, even in just the short time that she's been on this earth, have helped make her who she is outside of her family. It's been inspiring to see, just to see the Lord work through all these different people that we don't know. I don't know why it's a half, most of them we won't know.

I remember her physical therapist face, but I couldn't tell your name. I know that she had a huge impact on her. Some of her teachers, a little bit different story. We know their names and we see them at a restaurant sometimes. ⁓ yeah, think just seeing, honestly, seeing the body of Christ come together around this little girl and ⁓ around us too, but mostly around her and supporting her and giving her the things that she needs to...

⁓ overcome the trauma that she experienced in the first three months of her life ⁓ and really help propel her into who God has created her to be. ⁓ That's what brings me hope.

Matt (1:07:23)

That

is definitely hope for sure. Well, ⁓ so how can listeners ⁓ pray for or support families? I think we kind of talked about that, didn't we?

Bob (1:07:35)

Yeah, I mean, I think. don't know, there's there's there's so much I mean, there's, you know, like we talked about, there's the practical needs for sure, because there were there sometimes I mean, art, even before we got Annie our our kids love to eat. I feel like I feel like half my paycheck goes to the grocery store. And then you start throwing diapers and formula and all that stuff in there. I there definitely practical needs, just just provision.

Matt (1:07:55)

Thanks.

Bob (1:08:05)

to pray for in that. But I think the biggest thing though, because I mean, this is how feel about us and I feel this way for other people too, if you feel called to it, kind like your story, like you feel called to it, the Lord's going to show up and He's going to take care of His kids. ⁓ She is absolutely one of His kids and He is taking care of her in practical ways. ⁓ But I think the biggest thing, I like I said, it's just such an emotional roller coaster.

that I think just prayers for peace and for the Lord to intervene in situations where He needs to intervene. ⁓ There were so many times where it looked like things were not going to work out for her to stay in her home. And the Lord just... He did, He intervened. And we had a lot of people praying for us and with us. And... ⁓

Matt (1:08:58)

He.

Bob (1:09:06)

Yeah, I mean at some point, at multiple points, was probably prayers for our sanity more than anything else. And I think strength and endurance to get through the process. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot to pray for.

Matt (1:09:21)

Yeah, one of our nightly prayers is for strength and endurance. I don't pray for patience, bro, because I don't know you've ever done that. You just ask. think there's problems there.

Bob (1:09:33)

There's bumper stickers

and t-shirts to talk about doing that. Yeah.

Matt (1:09:37)

Yeah, so I just asked for endurance. you go. well, listen, thank you, ⁓ Bob, for coming on and sharing your story and sharing Annie with us. And I appreciate ⁓ just, you know, the willingness to, you know, the heart behind just willing to bring this little girl into your home and make her yours. then, but then, you know, the... ⁓

encouragement and support you've provided POCN as well. It has been great. so thank you so much for coming on and for sharing. Guys, remember to hit like and subscribe, turn on the notifications. Our episodes post every Tuesday at 10 ⁓ Central Time. ⁓ We want to grow this audience. We want to reach more.

foster families, adopted families, and the community at large. ⁓ share it on your social media platforms. Next week, we're going to have Julian Diaz on here. He's from Mission 991. ⁓ And they are an organization that ⁓ works with child traffickers. And so he's going to come on and share some practical things that you can do with your kids' devices to prevent them being groomed.

There are folks out there that will use any means possible to get access to your kids. And the reality is foster kids are far more vulnerable to ⁓ being groomed and trafficked than kiddos that are raised in biological family. And so we're going to talk about that. so thanks again to our episode sponsor, ⁓ Impact Laser.

wellness. They have some really great tools to help with some pain and stuff, so go check them out. Thanks for tuning in and we'll catch you next week.