Parenting with a Purpose: Lessons from Loving 15 Kids

Speaker 2 (00:01.09)

But how do say your last name? it Eileen Noise?

Noise, And like toys, toys, toys.

Excellent. All right. Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Today, I'm super excited to have Eileen Noyes on to share with us. She reached out and I was super interested in the things that she does and has to say. But before we get into that, I do want to thank our episode sponsor, Golden Creation Coffee is a small batch roastery rooted in the Texas Panhandle and roasted

right here in Amarillo. Founded by Canyon native Matt Wright, it all started with a simple love for great coffee, loyal dogs, and the wide open spirit of West Texas. Named after the real gold behind the beans, our golden retrievers, Biscuit and Gravy, Golden Creation Coffee is built on connection, care, and a whole lot of tail wagging joy. We roast ethically sourced beans from around the world in small batches to highlight every origin's unique story and flavor.

From the tasty and smooth Barkfest brand to the deep, bold Esparzo blend, every roast is crafted with intention and authenticity. Around here, good coffee and good dogs make life golden. Learn more and grab your new favorite single origin beans and blends roasted at goldencreationcoffee.com. And guys, I'll tell you, and I say this with a lot of our sponsors, I ran into these guys at a...

Speaker 2 (01:35.338)

a vendor show and he was giving out samples of this coffee and I was like, my gosh, this stuff is good. so we use it when we roast, when we do our coffee on here, we use it. It's great, great, great coffee. So anyway, so check them out at goldencreationcoffee.com. But back to Eileen. And so Eileen, us a little bit about kind of who you are, what's brought you to where you're at today.

Well, in connection with foster parenting, parenting, I do this is like the shock factor. I have a 15 in a blended family. So I have eight of my own, my husband, who we've only been married for four years, only when you have 15, it is definitely an only. So he has some of his own. Yes. My kids range from 7 to 22.

His are 13 to 30. And so, yeah, so I just thought, gosh, like what a connection parenting is parenting. And like I said to you, we're all, we're adopted into the family of Christ. And so we're all kids. And so I just have a heart one as a mom, you know, I love that I'm putting an opportunity, of course, you know, you never want divorce and all those things, but when you're in this situation,

I'm so thankful to be mom, but to see the dynamics of, of being a step mom, a mom in law. Sometimes I, I'm like, which way? is she again? Is she a step or is she an in-law? But I love the fact that I have relationship dynamics that are, that I see growing, that are in different places. And, and it, keeps me anchored to, to God, cause he's the ultimate parent. And so,

So yeah, so my journey has been, the reason why we are in a situation, of course, we always have to address the divorce. I was married to a man who is a very outspoken Christian man. We wanted to raise our kids in the ways of the Lord. Unfortunately, this teaching is actually a Black Hebrew Israelites influenced teaching, where it says that women aren't created in the image of God.

Speaker 1 (03:57.142)

And her role is to cook and clean and have babies. And so all that we had done in this biblical covenant relationship went awry. And so I was left as a single mom of eight. And, you know, so obviously that was hard and who would have thought like, I never would have guessed that I was going to be, you know, married to someone who had almost as many as me and the funny thing that we met online. And that was the one thing that was intriguing with us because

you know, my prayer was like, God, can you just send me a Michael like a like a like an angel kind of like an angel just with no issues? No, no, nothing like he would just plop down and be this like perfect husband to take on us. And he was a Michael for sure. But but yeah, so I'm doing a podcast like you reaching out to women who I look at moms, especially wives and moms.

We're family devoted women who kind of lose ourselves in the shuffle of life and kids and all the things. And so my heart is to stir her on that one, she has a voice to that. has a purpose inside and outside of the home, bigger than what she thinks. And so obviously parenting is, you know, included in all that written two books. on the third one, Proverbs 31 devotional. So yeah, my thing is when I love, I love the Lord and

my desires to raise my kids in the ways of the Lord. And really, yeah, to spur other women to do that too, because I think when the world is shouting so much, when there's so much noise that kind of, you know, puts down or even highlights just the way that a woman, a secular woman should be, it's hard to not grow weary as you're a mom who is trying to do the right thing, trying to be the submissive.

woman, the gentle, quiet spirit, the one who puts herself out there for everything. She just needs that refresher. She needs that encouragement.

Speaker 2 (06:04.396)

Yeah, and mom in whatever role, whether it's bio or step or adopted or whatever it is, mom is a critical, critical person to speak into the lives of these kiddos. And obviously being a wife too is critical. so, yeah, it's really neat that you've kind of

focusing in on kind of helping moms do that and be that.

Yeah, for sure.

So you founded the unsigned, unside line, sorry, unside line life. us about that.

So initially, okay. So with my ex one thing, I don't know if I mentioned it here, but he used to be part of the NFL. So, that, that puts a whole other layer of pressure expectation. When we went through that crazy time, that, yeah, that, that just escalated things even more. So when you're going through something like this, where you're literally, me, where there's like, now what's the word I'm looking for? when there's like something like cult involvement, things like that.

Speaker 1 (07:23.726)

I didn't know where to turn it because I'm thinking, I don't want this to get out in the open. So to go through something like that in that environment, that was again, a whole other layer of issues. So when I went through this hard time in the public eye, I told you this beforehand, I was praying, I'm like, God, if I have to go through this, get glory, make something of it, let it not be in vain.

And so through the process of, you know, just surviving as, as the single mom, getting through being mom and dad, and then, getting to the point of stabilizing, then getting remarried and then, you know, feeling like there's this point of thriving, this opportunity of the podcast came up. so for me, the Unsideline life started with me kind of, highlighting pro-athlete wives, the behind the scenes because

as a whole, especially if look at social media, looks like glitz and glamour. I believe that these young girls are kind of, probably feel pressure to live up to that. I have everything going and it's all about the bling and the designer this and designer that. Well, as a Christian wife in that world, it's like, it's hard to navigate that because

The world is telling you got to look like this. You got to act like this. And, you know, there's just, there's an element of, of the Christian woman being behind the scenes and, you know, doing all the things and her needing to be okay, that she doesn't fit this mold that the world portrays. And so that's what I was doing. It was really going, you know what? There's this also the stereotype that we're all gold diggers. And so I wanted to, know, just kind of bring to light the different things. So that was last season. And so it was a lot of

that element but also Really just highlighting the woman again who puts herself aside So and and you know just kind of stops life puts pause on things and is everything for everybody So it's really it's the same, know message but on a different scale and then this year as I was starting I felt like I was saying hey you need to broaden out that I'm not just talking to the pro-athlete wives and so this whole theme this year is the problems 31 woman who I believe is

Speaker 1 (09:46.912)

super, when you don't understand, which I didn't, she could be very, what's that word? looking, it's almost like, like I can't live up to her, know, yes, totally. So, so I remember when I was young in my marriage, I was like, I don't know what, I don't want to read that because I can't live up to her, but in my fifties now, God has given me wisdom and he's shown me, lean, you are her. It's not going to look like that. And so the principles that you

Idealize.

Speaker 1 (10:15.726)

pull out of that whole thing. It's just amazing and it can be so encouraging when you see it through a different lens. So that's what I'm doing is all of this season is really going verse by verse through Proverbs 31. So it's been really fun.

That's cool. so what would you say you, know, what? Well, first of all, what is what does the chaos look like in in this big, big family? How do you how do you navigate that? What does that look like?

Chaos? Chaos? yeah, I see that too.

Can you see me still?

Yeah, I think it's going now. Okay, good. So what does the chaos look like in this great big family?

Speaker 1 (10:59.432)

And chaos, chaos looks, it's seasonal, right? I would say that right now. Okay. And just, just so I know, I told you, but we've never had all 15, you know, there's a lot of his that are older, there's grandkids in the mix right now. And so chaos is there's different seasons of chaos and there's different chaos. So at, I think summer is always crazy. There was a time when we did have

We had all eight of mine and we had two of his. And so that can get crazy. And I love the, here's the blessing is, the younger kids. mean, all the, all the ones that we interact with. So mostly the two oldest, so 30 and 27, I believe is, is his oldest and his youngest 13 and 16. It's when they're here, everything is great, but chaos can be a whole lot of mess.

It could be no one like some kids having no beds. It could be, you know, just yeah, different kids sleeping with us. The younger ones living with us so that there's more room. Yeah. A lot of different messes. So there's that mess. There's also financial marks that are, you know, that's that's chaos that they probably don't see. But as parents you feel, I definitely feel for my husband who

in his mind, you know, I think spiritually, right? As a mom, it's there's always a spiritual come out. Okay, we've got to pray, seek God first, all things will be added. But really, as a man, and understandably so, there's the element of going, I got to feed my family of 15. And his, his mind goes to college and weddings and all these things I fight about. And so there's a lot of pressure there. So that can get pretty chaotic. Because you know, if

man, we're thinking about that, mean, college, all those things, it can get crazy and the cast would, which has happened, it can turn into friction, be quite honest, friction with us, know, lack of connection because of that stress. So yeah, so it comes, it comes in waves, you know, it's not like, it's not like a bunch of little 15 year old, like little, little, little ones.

Speaker 1 (13:26.008)

run around, it just comes in different places in different phases and stages.

Yeah, don't, can't, can't, I golly, I don't even want to imagine trying to of 15 kids college. I'm not sure Bill Gates could do that. So what do you, what have, what have you learned, would you think kind of the key of identity and that calling and trusting God through, through, through this, this craziness of life?

Well, think about, mean, God has been my anchor through it all. And like I said, know, one, I never in a million years thought I would be divorced. And so the first thing that I had to anchor in is, know what, just because I'm in that situation doesn't mean that I'm discarded or less than, and I really had to work through that.

And so, so that was a big part, but then seeing as it comes to and this theme of, know, just, you know, like kids that aren't mine biologically, I had to understand that, in my case, they already have their mom there, 100, you know, like full time. And so I had to really approach and ask God for guidance that

one that mom is not intimidated and two that I come in a way where they know that I'm not trying to take over, that I'm not trying to compete. And so the beauty of it has been just having that be my guide has kind of kept things at peace. I love it. I mean, I will say that I have my 15, sorry, my 16 year old

Speaker 1 (15:23.246)

Gosh, is she a step CEO is yeah, she's my step daughter, right? She's just my daughter. And, you know, when we were talking about, we were when she was here last, and she was going back and flying to Chicago. I don't know, we just got into this conversation where I was like, you know what I said, I felt bad. I felt like you're I'm took. I took your dad all the way to California, even though it was obviously a mutual decision. And we're just talking about that. And she said, you know what she goes,

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:50.67)

this is actually the best case scenario. She's like, because your mom material, she's like all the other ones that my dad was looking at, like, we couldn't imagine her and, know, and then, couldn't imagine any of them. And then she said, you know what, we love like kids, we love coming out here. So that, that was huge. That was an encouragement. And then also just having the older daughter. So one is my stepdaughter and one is my actual in-law. So it is my stepson's wife.

for them to call me and to say, can you pray? Can you know I'm having a hard time like that? That just makes parenting and you know, the chaos and the hard, makes it worth, worth it going, God, you have something bigger and it's generational. And so that's been, that's been such a, yeah, such an amazing thing to be in this situation.

Sure. Yeah, I mean, you you do have to trust that the Lord's in control and He's going to work things out. And to be able to be that kind of that anchor, that foundation for kiddos and being able to get on the phone and, you know, I need you to pray, right?

Yeah, that's been such a blessing for me.

Yeah, because I mean, you know, moms have a huge vital role to play in the family and in the children's lives. And so to be able to face that and do well is not any kind of easy, you know, and so that's cool. Very cool. So what is...

Speaker 2 (17:36.558)

What's one of the biggest struggles?

in parenting in terms of what?

in terms of parenting all these kiddos.

Okay, let's see. I think in situations like this, which can probably tie it over is is comp, it's like compensating or feeling like, for the case in my with my kids, their father wasn't there. And so there's the wanting to over do it in certain areas where, for example, you know, with the discipline,

You know, in this situation, was discipline was huge and almost when things got, when cults influence came involved, it was, it was too much and their voices weren't heard. so, just even just in divorce, right. And even a situation like that where, you, you want to make up for those losses and those hurts. And so there's, there's sometimes a pendulum swing where it's like, okay.

Speaker 1 (18:48.974)

I know you guys got disciplined. know that, you know, your voices weren't heard. Okay. Well, and it was super strict, super clean house all the time. Well, the extreme is, okay, I want to give you your voice. I give you too much and the house is a complete mess. And it's like, you got to pull the reins back in because, know, so we're talking, you know, I don't know as a, as a, as a foster, I'm sure that there's that parts of like, Hey, because of the hurt or the background that you

came from, there's probably this thing where you just want to you want to, and it comes from a good place where you want to give and you want to do things. So it's, it's really finding like, are the things that I'm desiring to do right now? Is that because I feel, you know, am I trying to make myself feel better? is or is this really going to be beneficial for this child? So it's those, those things that can be, you know, really challenging, I think that I in that

in the area of my husband, I put a lot of pressure on him to be the one who makes up for what their father isn't there for. And so that caused a lot of friction too. And so that's definitely something that I had to pull back and go, you know what, Lord, you are ultimately their father. You know, like I have to understand that this is a process and that I can't keep hovering over and trying to

like make all these relationship dynamics. there's a lot of times where I know I didn't, couldn't force myself on, you know, his kids or things like that. But at the same time, I was kind of thinking like, Hey, you gotta, you gotta bond with, you know, mine. So, so it's a lot of like wisdom and coaching that. And when I say coaching, it's things of, you know, I think, I think that's part of being a helper is not in a, not in a leading way, but,

You know, wives as a helpmate, we are supposed to give insight to where our husbands don't see. So, so my role is to say, Hey, you know what, like our daughter, needs to hear like that. She's beautiful. It's got to come from you or you know what, like, let's pull back on the reins with this situation. So she's kind of the Phil. She just fills in the gaps that he may not see because again, he's different. He's focusing on other things. And so.

Speaker 1 (21:15.362)

So yeah, so that's, that's, you know, the pieces and even with his own kids, when they come here, like, Hey, make time for them. Like you got, you know, like make sure that you're spending time with them. Make sure that you also just that thing of him feeling bad that he's not around his kids that much. It could be that there's that over, you know, like overcompensating like, okay, I got it. got to gift them up. You know, it's like, time with them, you know, so just things like that.

It's the biggest blessing. Biggest blessing.

What's biggest blessing? Seeing answered prayer. our, like I said, the stepdaughter, the oldest stepdaughter, she just had her first. And so the baby is now nine months. But I remember those conversations where my husband would come to me and say, my gosh, we got to pray for her name is Simone. you know, when Naomi first got pregnant,

there was a diagnosis that there was a hole in her heart. And so I know just because of what I went through and just I've experienced how good and powerful God is and what authority we have in Christ. And I felt it was a big part of my role to be able to say, you know what, the doctor says this, but we don't have to receive it. We keep praying. And so for me, I just felt this role of really leading the charge to

to just pray against that and to thank God for her healed heart and all these things. So now she's nine months, she didnt have to have surgery. And so it was a true miracle. And so for me to have that opportunity to kind of do that at la, it's the gift of seeing, wow, this is hitting next generation, like literally hitting the next generation of life. So.

Speaker 2 (23:04.3)

Yeah, that's, that's cool. Hmm. So how do you, how do you, how do you try to find balance what does that, what does that look like in, in, in, in all the roles what, how do you, how do you try to find that balance, what do you

couple things is one I, I, I don't know if balances even think someone asked me that before. There's never balanced because you think of balance and all things that kind of being cool. This is that thing. I always pray, especially as I step out into the different roles and the different things where I'm like, you know, I desire, love, I love to use what I went through to help other women in spite of the other women to read or sorry, to write in all these things. My prayer has always been God keep me

keep my priorities straight, help me that I don't ever get to where, you know, these things I get so caught up in these things that I, that I, you know, have my priorities off or that my family's kind of like this burden. And every time I get close, he has a way of nudging me back in. that is one is a prayer that, that I always have my priorities straight. The second thing is for me and what God has just kind of,

nudged me into is the fact that for me, I have to get up early. And there's no way around it. And it's not, it's not to have, you know, because at one time, I think as a Christian mom, we think that we've to get up early and we got to be on our knees. And sometimes it looks like that. But for me right now, with all that's going on, God woke me up at 3:56. Like, it was just like constant. I'm like, okay, let me just get up. so right now for me,

My time is I wake up, I go in the kitchen, I start boiling my coffee for my water for my coffee. I'll turn on Christian music. I'll light a candle and I use that time and I'll put on low. But the time that my water is boiling, I'm praying, I'm tidying up and I'm just kind of setting like just knowing as I have my praise music on, it's like I'm creating this atmosphere of peace.

Speaker 1 (25:16.608)

as I'm praying then I get to sit down. I do have time with, you know, God and I'll be, you know, sure, because I'm human. will, I got to like, make sure I am intentional to not turn on my phone or the scrolling, those things. But it is, you it's like choosing, choosing God, choosing to yes, have that time where I do. It doesn't start right away on my news, but it's, it's, it's praying. It's reading the Bible.

It's having that time. That is mine. that for me can be about two hours of, yeah, of just having my time without distractions. And then before, before my kids get up, it's that it's when they're up. I, you know, the Proverbs 31, actually talks about this. says, she is all, it says all her dealings are profitable. So when you think of that, just for face value, you think, she's looking for deals.

and know, discounts and trying to make a profit. But for me, when God had broken that down, it was what does dealings mean? I mean, look up dealings, dealings as interactions. It means, you know, concerns. So I was just talking about like really any interactions, relationships, all these things. And then I looked up profitable, it's beneficial, useful. So that opened up my thing to go, okay, everything that I do.

should be of benefit or pro how can I make this most profitable and so I take multitasking when I can and when it's you know when it's appropriate I I I feel like I utilize my time so much better and so much of it is is you know renewing my mind with the word or praying like I said or you know because I'm into this thing of of you know coaching entrepreneurship that's where I'll

If I'm doing laundry, if I'm doing, cause it's very much part of our world, washing dishes, that. That's where I want to make sure that I'm doing something else productive that I'm stimulating my brain. Because if I don't do that, I can definitely get into the victim mode. I can definitely be irritated. You know, things like, oh, all this laundry, you know, so, it's just really making the most of my time.

Speaker 2 (27:33.918)

Awesome. Very cool. So what would you what wisdom would you would you share for foster for for just families? I mean, you my family is a blended family, too. What would what wisdom would you share to somebody that's got kiddos from different backgrounds, whether that, you know, whether it's foster adopt, or step or whatever?

Yeah, you know what, for me, the biggest wisdom is asking God for wisdom because that's what says. I know you said you're in James. God says that, you know, for anyone who asks for wisdom, I will give it to you without regret. And so that is the biggest thing is seeking God for that. What was the other part of your question? Can you say your question again?

Well, just wisdom in loving kiddos from different backgrounds.

Gotcha. Okay. So yeah. So when you allow God to parent and so for me when my identity was rocked when I thought I wasn't creating in his image as a daughter, I had totally lost sight. I mean it was like something that was so foundational, but when you hear it over and over, you know, you're not creating the image of God because you're not creating the image of God doesn't God doesn't hear you. God had to really hone in to

tell me through his word, you are my daughter. You are created in my image. I have created you for purpose so that anchoring in who we are in Christ is everything. Now, when it comes to just parenting, and we had talked about this earlier a little bit off air is one thing of wisdom that I felt like God has given me is

Speaker 1 (29:25.548)

the power of our words. you know, I think when it comes to gosh, when it comes to foster kids, or kids that are put up for adoption or step kids, there is one thing that yeah, that they really got was through this program called life skills. The thing that stuck out one of the things that stuck out is they would say that all kids take responsibility for all losses all the time.

And so there's just this thing, whether it's divorce, whether it's abuse, the spirit of rejection is the biggest wound of all them. That is we have the ability to be able to speak into the subconscious mind, even if the conscious mind doesn't know that. So as a parent, to know that she can say to our kids, and she has to she or he has to say a lot is you are loved, you are valued.

you're protected now because whatever it is, whether it's that child in foster care, again, or if it's an adoptive situation, there's something in them that thinks, I wasn't lovable enough. I wasn't valued enough to be kept by my parents. And so for us to be able to speak into that so that we can also pray against that spirit of rejection, think these are opportunities for us to know that

we are planting seeds in their subconscious mind that we keep doing that. And we keep telling them that they're loved and we keep reminding them that it wasn't their fault and that they are safe. Those are the things that I think that we can fill in those gaps that their subconscious just automatically assumes. And so to keep, you know, just to keep like doing that, I think that's major wisdom for a parent because

I'm sure I've not been in that kind of situation, but I've seen it and I know that it can be super hard. And there's the battles of a kid almost sabotaging the relationship with the parent because of a spirit of rejection that they just know it's just part of me, you know, so.

Speaker 2 (31:40.496)

very much. Yeah, very much. We do these placement packages for kiddos coming into foster care. And one of the things we started doing about a year ago, I don't know if you know what a challenge coin is. It's a military thing, these big heavy coins, different commanders would get them made and stuff. So anyways, we got them made. on one side, and we give them to all these kids is it just says I am valuable and loved, right? And it's this big heavy coin.

that they hopefully will carry in their pockets just as a reminder that I am valued and loved, you know, because there is, mean, you know, it's, it's, well, what's wrong with me? You know, what, why, why didn't they want me or that kind of thing? so, yeah, very cool. So how, how have you learned to let, let go of that control of whatever's, whatever's going on and let God have it? What does that look like for you?

Um, how does that look? It is really looking at what it is that I'm fearing. So I'll give an example because I never saw myself as a controlling person and I'm pretty laid back. I'm the one that is like, Hey, you know, if you ask me where I want to eat or really anything, I mean, I am pretty laid back. Um,

Yeah, just as even as a mom, you know, my kids know I'm laid back and things like that. It was my second marriage, where I didn't realize how controlling I was trying to be with my spouse. I say that with and this will I know I'm hoping that this will apply to just the way that that whole thing that you know, just different messages and subconscious thoughts come into play.

is I was, I put so much expectation on him to be this perfect father. I told you that, you know, to kind of make up for things. Or even with me, I had this underlying message that I didn't realize carried over. And when I finally put it into words, it was crazy. It was all men who I put my trust in.

Speaker 1 (34:00.398)

eventually betray me or leave me. And so I was setting myself up again, because the second time I got married, I, again, it wasn't words, but I really felt like I put no stock in it, or I felt like, well, he's probably gonna leave me too, or I need to make sure I protect my kids. So I had to break, I had to come to this awareness and, and break that off. And I realized, oh my gosh, this controlling

behavior in my marriage came from that fear, that trauma. And once I dealt with it, once I dealt with like, okay, that this is a lie here that all men who I, you know, who, who I put my trust in, they betray me. had to look for evidence to show me, okay, no, that one, I thank God my seven boys love me. They're there for me. There's, know, the guy who led me through, I mean, so there was able to pull and go, no,

That's not true. And so when you break off these lies and you shatter these lies, and then you just go through your own healing that opened up a space for me to just say verbalize again, my husband loves me. He's here. And so that helped me to, mean, just, just breaking off those fears. just allowed me to just go, okay, you know what? Like, yeah, I don't, I don't need to.

try to keep something here or control things because I'm scared of this or that. So addressing a fear is, I think it's a big part of it.

I love that. You try to control the things that you have fear over. Man, that's deep. That's really good. Yeah, because that does sum it up. I'm terrified that this is going to happen, so I'm going to control it. When ultimately we don't have any control anyway, it's just an illusion anyways. So letting God have control of that and letting go that fear.

Speaker 2 (36:04.654)

I mean, man, that can be so powerful. So powerful. Yeah, because I mean, you know, we in this space, you know, we see the we see the hurt and things that are done. And so we're so afraid that the kids are just they're not going to heal. They're not going to develop good relationships. They're not this and that and stuff like that. and so we do we try to control. We try to control all these things. and but letting go and letting go of that fear and let God have that control. That's so that really powerful

Speaker 1 (36:37.422)

Yeah, yeah, for sure. mean, it is this stuff way. It's I think I think that when we slow down enough and and we you know, we just take God's word and I don't know, I think we contrast it with our behavior. It kind of reveals Wow, this is where I am lacking trust. Because you know, when it comes to the kids with all the things, ultimately, I mean, really, if I think about it, like, wait, God, as much as I love them, you love them way more than I

You know, know you, I have to, I do what you call me to do and I give them to you. I lift them up to you. And, and one scripture for me sticks out, whether it's my marriage, it's my kids, it's Lord, I commit this to you. I commit this child to you. I commit these things to you because you will protect and keep that which I give to you or that which I can. So I anchor God's promises are huge when it comes to parenting is like,

Yeah. said.

Yeah, man, I love that. And I so good. So what is the what's the importance of community for you?

gosh, communities, everything. And again, here's the scripture. It says, you confess your sins and not your sins, but your issues to one another that you may be healed. I know for me, it was, I went through three or four years, of really not letting anybody in because like I said, I was, I was trying to protect everybody else and protect my husband when we were going through these hard times. And so, when I isolated myself,

Speaker 1 (38:22.37)

That's when the devil had a field day. Yeah. Community is huge. Community started for me with five people. And then it turned into, you know, when things got out, it turned into, you know, the, church community and yeah, community is everything, but the right community it's, it's, it's someone who are people who are like minded again, if we were, if we're talking about our faith, thank God for that. Cause

anchors that, know, that keep us back to truth, not the lies, not the victim, not the revenge, not the things that the world says, but a community that that that gives gets you in the right direction.

Yeah, that's why I mean, I say this a lot here on the podcast, but we do better in community and especially when people with like values and like minded and we can really we benefit so much when we're part of a community that gets us that understands that walking through it with you.

you. For sure. Yeah, the bearing the bearing of each other's burdens for sure.

Sure. And so what is a moment where you saw God clearly guiding you in a direction?

Speaker 1 (39:42.414)

hmm. So many. One thing that sticks out to me, which it was my own kid. And this again goes to, you know, this, this whole thing of, you know, you have, you have this family that you know of or lack of family and you know, the dynamics, the blending of families, the fostering it's

There's just a lot of unknowns there. And so I just remember when I was going into this remarriage, have one son, he's my right now, he's my 15 year old. He really struggled at around the age of seven or eight with this. And as we were talking, as you know, we were just talking about, because we getting close to the marriage, I don't remember what happened, but he says, Are you going to leave us too?

And I was like, Whoa, oh my gosh, this thing of I mean, it was, it was a trigger. It was a situation. It was in his subconscious mind. My dad left us. I are you mom gonna leave us? And so that was really a time of going, okay, like, God, you have to lead me in this. So I knew there that I was talking.

to not just whatever situation it was, it had to go deep. so, my gosh, no, I'm not going anywhere. And you were never the thing that caused this, you know, cause like, man, when, when God is even in it and you know, you're calling out his word, just, you know, just to be able to teach my kids, you guys were coming in faith, we're praying, we're believing for mountains to move. when they don't move,

you know, what do you say? How do you how do you your kids that because ultimately we have free will. So I had to teach them all about these things. But getting to that core, it's like, No, I'm not leaving you I'm not going anywhere. And so to be able to like, have God speak to me to this child. It was just one of many situations where I was able to just know, okay, he's gonna be okay. And the cool thing was, after we got back from our wedding,

Speaker 1 (42:06.376)

him of all, you know, it was just an eight year old, just a letter on the garage door. That was like, my kid to my husband. He's like, Michael, he's like, you know, I'm sorry, it's like an eight year old, I'm sorry that I was a little hard on you. But I see how my mom is with you. And I know things are, you know, it was just, it was just a just a encouraging letter. So that right there just made me go, you know, God, like, you're in this, your hand is on this, everything's gonna be okay. And that's what God word says.

even as hard as it still gets, know, God, your word says that you're going to work all things out for the good of those who love you and who are called according to your purpose. So, know, trust that.

Wow, that's awesome. So, what does trusting God look like for you in a daily basis?

On trusting God with my kids, trusting God when I say that it is in the stages and ages that they are. for example, for when I look at, know, like, gosh, they're all in different stages, right. And I look at my older three. So my older three who are now 22, 21 and 19.

when things were the craziest, we were going through the divorce and stuff like that, they were 15, 13, and 11. And just something which is super important to them is football. They wanna play football. And so their lives at that time were on hold for three or four years. And how you fast forward to when they're in high school and things like that.

Speaker 1 (43:52.802)

because of what happened, they lost out on time. They lost out on opportunities. And so you have these big athletic kids, right? That were just behind in terms of experience and knowledge. And, and I, there was that bitterness for a while to go, he's not there for them, you know? So trust in this way, God,

even in this situation, you know what's best for them. Your word says, because I can really, that's hard for me to see that when your kids want something so bad, but say, Lord, you are going to give us back what the locusts have stolen. I don't know how it's going to look, but this is not in vain even for them. You're building their character. So it's taking on, gosh, a mom's heart.

looks at every one of our kids and it's like not only she dealing with her own emotions, but anything and everything that the kids are going through, she absorbs it like hers. so for me, trust is, is just, it's really Isaiah 26. I know you, I don't know how all your guests are. And I don't know if it's like your Christian show, but to me, like God's word is just, that's what filled me and that keeps me anchored. So Isaiah 26, three is you.

or her in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you. And so with all the chaos, Isaiah 26, three, is that what you're asking? Yeah. You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts you.

I like that. I'd a 26.3.

Speaker 1 (45:35.874)

Yeah, Isaiah 26 three. And so for me, when I am tempted to dwell, what whatever it is, whether it's work, whether it's my husband, I always anchor back to that. If I'm looking around, and I'm looking at my circumstances, for sure I can get frazzled. But ultimately, it's okay, God, let me get my eyes back on you. Because I you're working where I don't see you. You know, you're working behind the scenes.

you're doing exceedingly and abundantly more than I can ask or imagine. And so I just trust that. So really for me, mean, it's, I don't, that's, that's what grounds me is, is I'm really his word, you know, cause yeah, it's just, there's so much, know, there's so much. for me, when I think so much, when I'm talking about my seven year old and his little issues of not having anybody to boss around or

Thanks a lot God things like that to the 20 year old, 22 year old who's, you know, still finding his purpose. There's, there's just so much that, that my heart can, you know, go through. But so that's why for me, it's like, has to be anchored in, in his word. And again, like those calling out those promises, those keep me, those keep me sane and at peace.

So talk to us about your coaching. What does that look like?

gosh, I just started. so I do a lot of mentoring. I've done seasonal, like different coaching, but now, it is starting, it's, goes in three months stages. So I actually, it's this program, it's called, Healed Mom Restored Home. And so it's a 90 day experience, transforming her spirit, her soul and her body. And so what God had showed me actually in the beginning of summer, it was him kind of taking me through this.

Speaker 1 (47:29.454)

whole cleaning house, like literally cleaning of my house. But long story short, he took this process and he showed me, okay, Eileen, one, you need to address your messes. What serves you? If you're looking and you're getting rid of stuff, what are you holding onto that is not serving you anymore? What places are you not dealing with that you're trying to avoid, that you're trying to procrastinate?

Let's deal with the messes so that we can heal the messes. After you do that, you're creating order and function. Systems, what systems? And again, I'm talking about your spirit, soul, your body. And then you get to this place of maintenance. And through that whole process, and I'm totally giving you a fast version, through the whole process of me doing that, he showed me the order of what he did things. But then he said, Aileen, now I want you to turn your home into a sanctuary of my peace and my glory and my presence.

And then asked her as we were talking about that, he said, Eileen, you know, I'm not just talking about this house, right? And so he was talking about me. And so just I'm seeing how, how much that just that process is, whether you're talking finances, whether you're talking about your health, so much of it of what we don't do is we try to bypass the mess and go to that next thing, whether it's our purpose or, you know, whatever. So we want to do all these things, but like, wait, no.

We have to address these messes that are here so that we can function better so that we're in proper order so that we can get to this place of like, okay, this is how it's supposed to look. I'll give you an example real quick. My body, um, I had hip problems for the longest time and I just worked through it. I'd work out and do all these things and it was getting so bad. I couldn't walk with my kids. I finally had to address it. And the issue was my hip was, it was bone on bone. had to get hip replacement. Yeah.

had hip replacement. once I had that, once I addressed mess, I healed from it, I was able to work out, was able to get my body like my, you know, my muscles were so off because of compensation, things are starting to work properly. To now that is affecting everything. So my, my health is better. And now I was able to lose the weight that I gained. And so now I'm at this place of maintenance. And so it's just like, my gosh, when he showed me that, but he showed me that it is across the board.

Speaker 1 (49:54.19)

That's where I get to walk women through because as moms and wives, he took something practical like cleaning the house, which we all can relate to, and he made it into a program of coaching. So that's what I'm

That's cool, and where do they find that?

That you can, ladybellator.com is where that you'll find links to the podcasts. You'll find, yes, we are just, and we're just, we're just getting on there. Cause I've been doing a lot of organic launching. then, and then Eileen Noyes on Facebook, you'll see, you'll see different things there, but we'll talk about that on ladybellator.com.

Okay, and we'll put those in the show notes too. Yeah, ironically, I just had hip surgery September 3rd. my god. I was like, my god. It's a grind. I had a torn labrum on the whole, it was a bucket tear over the whole top of the frigging thing. And so I'm still in physical, I was in physical therapy this morning and it's like, man, this is rough.

Really?

Speaker 1 (50:56.118)

So wait, September though? Yeah. Okay. yeah, I don't know how what you did. But for me, I got it done two years ago. I got it done, I believe, December 19. And by December 23, I was like in my kitchen, I was still guiding myself. But I mean, I was like cooking and everything prepped. And it was the best. It was the best thing for me. Yeah, so

That's cool. Yeah, very cool. That's just funny. Interesting. So and then talk to us about the two books for a minute.

So the first book, Sideline No More, so both of these books are right here, Sideline No More was, know, okay, I'll say this. So when I, I love to write and I've always loved to do that. And so when God gave me the green light, I assumed it was going to be a memoir of what happened and all the good things that he did through the hard stuff. And he's like, no, you're writing to these professional athlete wives. And he wanted me to say, he said, if you come too

hard and too strong, you're going to freak them out because I with what I went through is a lot of spiritual warfare, things like that. And so he wanted me to approach them in a way where I can build trust. And so this first book, it literally says helping pro-athlete wives get off the bench to live their God given purpose. And so I address identity as, know, as a wife stepping into that world. talk about relationship with their spouse. talk about

family expectations, the different stresses. I talk about my lack of purpose, had a shopping addiction because I lost my purpose and I lost sight of who I was. then the identity, and then the identity as, as both the husband and wife transition out of the game. And that's where I know that there's gosh, that there's a, a part of what I went through, how to do with that identity crisis in my ex to find a cult like this, which, you know, if I can just, gosh, that

Speaker 1 (52:54.804)

environment that he was looking for is was like a warped familiarity to the NFL because you have it's about the respect of man and you know, pulling yourself by your bootstraps and pulling away. mean, not pulling them but like having a lot of what all these things I mean, that's just a different dynamic. But so I talked about all that and I talked about and I leave it with the identity of, you know, of the both of them and how community is so important.

And so when I wrote this book, were just only it was just like people who who were my friends that read it, both men and women, they're like, my gosh, it's not just for pro-athlete wives. So the second book came out of that. And so I thought it was just going to be a couple of different, you know, intro paragraphs that we're going to change. But God was like, No, you know, a lot of it's the same. But he changed analogies so that it's more like the first book is I talked about

gosh, there's five things there was, well, they were just football. And so the second book, Lady Bellator, lady meaning authority and royalty. So she is a co-heir with Christ. So it's the authority piece Bellator, and Latin means warrior. And so those two is what he gave me. And so I really hone in on who she is. And so those, you know, those analogies that were once football were now,

you know, the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness. So I'm talking about the spiritual weapons of warfare. So, so that's what the second one book was, but changing out chapters that it's talking about kids and legacy. And so, yeah, so a lot of the same, but you know, it's just kind of a expanded version outside of NFL life or pro athlete life.

Very cool. So what is the funniest parenting moment?

Speaker 1 (54:51.298)

funniest parenting moment. my gosh. I mean, I just think the stories they're just across the board. You know, I wish I don't want someone to take my idea. I just think that they're that they're just different. Different things to me that I just think are so funny, just the different things that they say the different quotes that they say.

that just stick and I just I would love to make a sweatshirt for each kid that had that saying that they said, you know, I mean, like, my little guy, he's a hoot. He'll just say things like, I was working out. And he says, um, mom, even though you look fat, you're not fat. You're like, he's like, it's just all the pregnancies. Thanks a lot God you know, being like,

And they've all had different, you know, just different quotes, but I don't know, I mean, gosh, there's so many when I have that many, there's there's just a lot of things. I do love being a mom.

Definitely.

Speaker 2 (56:06.05)

Yeah, so other than Isaiah 26.3, which I love that verse, what's another favorite verse of yours?

Oh, I had addressed one already. I don't even know where it is. But it does say, know, you know, give things thanks to God, and he will protect and keep those things. I don't know where that is. Another one for me. And for sure in parenting and in life is 2 Corinthians 3:18. So this it started out with the root of really needing to know that I was creating an image of God because I was

trying to reason that whenever I had arguments with my ex, was trying to come logically, like, okay, so what are my kids half image of God half not, know, anything right. And I remember reading, reading the scripture, I've probably read it before 2 Corinthians 3:18. It says we all with veil face are becoming more like the image of God going from glory to glory. And so for sure, that first time I was like, we all right now stuck on that. That's all I needed to hear.

but going from glory to glory means level to next level. Like God has not ever done with us. So it's whether it's promotion or just, you know, trials build character so that we're becoming stronger. We're never done. And so to see it like that, it's like, God, like, okay, until you take me, I'm going keep growing, which means there's going be growing pains, but there's going to be so, so much good. And you know, I,

God's wisdom is it's man, it's just, he's so big. don't know. can, you know, he's just, he's just amazing.

Speaker 2 (57:50.03)

for sure, for sure. Any other thoughts you want to share?

Oh, I really am encouraged by what you're doing. And that's a hard space. I definitely know that. I would say I don't know you, you know better than me, but fostering that's that is it's such an honor that you would do that. And you are foster kid, right? You said

Yeah, I was foster kid, I was adopted.

Yeah, I mean, that's God, God will honor that because it's a hard place. I know I can definitely that is probably harder than adoption and stepchildren. That is a whole other dynamics. I'm sure I can't understand but I can. I don't know. I feel like it's safe to say that that's

Yeah, it's it's it is definitely a challenge. I will say that. again, that's part of the reason for the podcast was, you know, building that community and that connection to folks that understand and have things to say and share and and things like that. So, man, I really appreciate you reaching out and guys will put will put links to Eileen's website and books and all that kind of stuff down in the show notes.

Speaker 2 (59:18.318)

I really enjoyed our conversation. I love your rootedness in Christ and in this relationship and being that woman of God that has so much to give to a family. It's just, in my opinion, it's just so critical.

Yeah, for sure. And that's, and that's what I want a woman to see. I went to, I will say that I went to, I had the privilege of going to Columbia. and you know, part missions part, you know, fun trip. And I remember seeing all these kids and there was such joy in their hearts. Right. And it was just like, man, there's just the simplicity and the innocence that I probably stayed there. Then I looked at the moms and I saw how weary they looked and it just, it just broke my heart because

That's a woman who doesn't know. mean, for sure, like I know that there's different struggles, but you know, that's, that's the devil's lie is to not only mom's, I'm sure dad's too, but to distract us, to discourage us, to, to get our eyes off of the beauty and the honor of raising our kids. mean, that's just such a, such an important thing and one that the world, won't hear from the world, you know, you won't hear it. And so.

So thank you again. I really appreciate what you're doing.

Yeah, and I appreciate it guys again we'll put links down in the show notes to connect with Eileen and and again, thank you so much to Matt over at creative coffee. I'm sorry. Golden creation coffee super super super yummy and so thanks guys and next week we're going to have

Speaker 2 (01:01:11.906)

Her name is Donna Pope. has run, she's the executive director of Heart to Heart Adoption. She has run that agency for 25 years and seen thousands of kiddos adopted. And so we're gonna have her on next week. Thank you guys and tune in next time.