Empathy and Healing with Cadence Theiss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReYP3O0a_V8

Matt Darrah (00:01)

Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Guys, I'm super excited to have my friend, Cadence here with us today. But before we get to Cadence and her story, ⁓ our episode sponsor for today is brought to you by Falcon Ridge IT, which is owned by Ashley Terry. If you're running a business, you already know how frustrating technology can be when it doesn't work the way that it's supposed to. Well, that's where Falcon Ridge IT comes in.

They specialize in managed IT services, network support, and business continuity, helping your systems run smoothly so you can focus on what matters most. Whether it's keeping your data secure, improving your network, or making sure your team stays connected with reliable phone and IT systems, Falcon Ridge IT is there to take the stress off your plate. And what I really appreciate about Ashley is his heart towards the local community and his

support of organizations like ours. Ashley is actually a foster and adoptive parent, and so he's just super great guy. Brittney is my assistant. Ashley is her husband. So anyways, so if your business needs dependable IT support, or if you're just tired of dealing with tech headaches, reach out to Falcon Ridge IT today. You can find them online at falconridgeit.com.

IT.com or give him a call at 806-410-0246. That's 806-410-0246. So we've got Cadence with us here in the studio. I'm really excited to talk to Cadence. Cadence is actually on my board and brings a really unique perspective to our conversations. And so.

Cadence, thank you for being willing to come on the podcast today. Of course, of course. Thank you for having me. Yeah, I'm super excited. So give us a little bit of who you are, where you came from. Okay, so, Cadence, I'm from Canyon, Texas. I grew up there. And I now live in Lubbock. I go to Texas Tech University. And I lived in Amarillo for a little while. And so I...

found the board and I've been volunteering for quite a while now. like three, four years. Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, it's just been awesome. Yeah. And so you have a foster care adoption story, right? Yes, I do, yes. I was adopted when I was two with my biological brother Jay and I was turning three. And so, yeah, it was a very fast, very fast process, but it's taken a long time for me to...

get everything together and work through everything. Yeah.

You found us online, I think. You were looking for a school project, right, or something? Yeah, so my first year at Amarillo College, I had a psychology class, and it's mandated to have four hours of community service anywhere. And so I was kind of looking through this list of places that I can go and work with and volunteer at. And so I wanted to really do something that was going to make a difference and have something to do with... ⁓

my career I'm going for neuropsychology and at the time I was thinking more child psychology. So I just looked online and found a Panhandle Orphan Care Network and I figured you know what, that's really good. I think that I could be able to help here and yeah, that'd be good. yeah. So take us back to your earliest memories around foster care. What stands out to you the most? I think...

The thing that stood out to me the most was the fact that it was so fast-paced. ⁓ I mean, it felt like, I I went through several different positions. I was in my biological home, and then I was taken and put with an aunt. And I was there for about six months, living with them. And then ⁓ we all got separated, had several siblings involved, and I was placed into another home for a short amount of time. I really can't tell you how long I was there. ⁓ But it was just so fast. Everything just happened so quickly.

It's so overwhelming, you know, and as a child, you really don't know what's going on. So I think that's the thing that stood out the most was just how fast, how fast everything happened. Yeah, we were. So we've been we've been doing a board retreat this weekend, kind of talking through some things and that story that Rory told where this week, you know, this Rory's wife is a teacher and these these two kiddos are in her school. And then like

something happens and then they call the school at like 11 o'clock and they say, hey, nobody can pick them up from school today. Nobody from biological family can pick them up today, right? And how just terrifying and scary that is to, I mean, you don't know what the heck is going on. All you know is that all of a sudden I can't see mom or dad or whoever, you know, and stuff like that. So what do you,

What have you been told or do you remember about the circumstances that caused the removal? So there were several kids in the home and I had two older sisters. They were going to school at that time and they had not been to school in a couple weeks. so it was a red flag for sure. So a few times that the sisters, my sisters had been seen in the school, they had bruises and you know,

visual signs of abuse. so they called because the red flag was that they hadn't been at school for a little while. So they went to the house and found several kids in a horrible position and situation in a home with no adults. And so my biological mom had skipped town and left a whole bunch of kids in a home for a week by themselves. No food, no water, nothing.

That's really what had been the red flag there was the fact that the sisters hadn't been at school. Other than that, there probably wouldn't have been any indicator or help that didn't happen. Geez. So do you remember much about being with your auntie? I mean, you were pretty young at that point. Do you remember anything? I really don't. I don't remember too much about that situation and being there. And when I say it's so fast paced, was like, I was there for six months, but...

the memory of that was just, it's just gone. And as someone who's been through so much trauma, there's certain things you can just remember and pinpoint and others that you just block out of your mind completely. And so I think that's what it was for me for a long time, not to mention the time that I was there with my aunt. Me and Jay were very close. And so during that time I was there, he wasn't there with me. And so it was just like complete.

Isolation not knowing anything not knowing what was going on and had this aunt who brought on all these kids who wanted to help But didn't really know what to do. Mm-hmm. And so just six months of a blur. Yeah, you know Yeah Yeah, and so then you did did you go from your aunt to the to the family that ended up adopting you or was that did you go to another home and then went to your so I ended up going to another home it was

a lady and she had several other kids that she had already adopted. She five or six kids at the time already. that situation, I'm not quite sure why I was removed from her home. I think it was more just the state wanted to keep as many siblings together as possible. And and Jay had already been being fostered by my adoptive parents now. And so, it probably just ended up being that type of situation of let's try and keep siblings together.

But while being there, it was just so overwhelming. And I had that feeling of what's gonna happen next. so ⁓ time at that age, time is just, mean, you don't really notice what time it is, day it is, it's just like constant. So yeah, that's all I can remember of that situation and being there.

Do you remember at all, like, not being with Jay and then being with Jay? mean, do you, can you remember a time when you weren't and then you were? Or is it just, it's just all a blur and just don't? I really, couldn't tell you a time of when I didn't have him. I think I'm sure it was just so traumatizing being away from him. Yeah. Because we were so close and he was all that I had. But I think I don't really even, couldn't tell you when he was there, he was just there and gone.

on the next, you I couldn't even tell you when. Wow. So you, you had talked about having a CASA, right? A court appointment special advocate. Yeah. So what do you, what do you remember about, we've had CASA on here and they've talked about the importance of what they do. What do you remember about your CASA? So we have, ⁓ most foster kids have visits with the family members. mean, unless otherwise it's been set, but we had some visits with

our biological mom and our sisters because the state was still trying to figure out if we could be placed all together. And so to figure that out, we had some visits with my older sister and sisters, and they decided to have those visits at CASA. So we went and they were monitoring it, and after them viewing these visits, which for me were traumatizing, I mean...

I remember these small rooms that they would put us in to go and play. just, I remember being terrorized by them. mean, our sisters, they knew that me and Jay were close. And so after so long of not being with each other, finally being reunited and taken to these playrooms and having to do these visits with them, and we were separated, they would separate us and like take us to opposite sides of the room and...

you know, just be mean and push and different signs like that. so, CASA was watching all of this. And after a few minutes of this happening, they realized pretty quickly, yeah, these kids are not safe to be with these other siblings. And so, it ended up being, honestly, the thing that really pushed the adoption forward and made it go a lot faster and quicker for us and help us not have to be in so much trauma.

any longer. So that visit alone was really what pushed everything along. know, CASA just has such an important role. It's, you know, they, they, they are the only person in the courtroom that doesn't have skin in the game. Yeah. You know what mean? The, you've got the, the biological parents are each trying to, they want to, they want to get the kids back. CPS is trying to

do this and that and you got these attorneys and that attorneys and so on and so forth and and the court appointed special advocates only job is to speak up for the needs of the child right there and they don't they don't have skin in the game they're not they're not trying to get get kids they're not trying to they're not trying to to you know push to say you know well they need here they need there their their whole job is just to speak

for those kids. so they, man, their role is just so stinking important. It is, And so...

I just am so thankful for them and what they do. other than that, do you remember your specific CASA worker advocate or do you just have this kind of... Because you were still probably three or four at this point? Yeah, I really don't. I don't remember too much. I do remember my caseworker at the time. name was Bridget.

And so my mom just praises her all the time and would tell us, she would tell us about our adoption story. She would mention Bridget and she's the one who had brought me to my parents' house. And so I do remember little things like riding in the car and how kind she was and made me feel like I was seen and loved and wanted. And as a child going through so much and so much trauma and...

feeling like you don't have a place that's your own, those people, your CASA workers and your case workers, those are the people that you get to see a lot of when you're in foster. And so I think it's fairly important what they do and the love that they show. So as an adult now, mean, you're in school.

How do you make sense or can you even make sense of those early times? You said you're going to school to be in psychology, to learn about trauma and stuff like that. what work have you done? there things that you've been able to do to work through those memories? Or not really? It's just not there.

So for me, a lot of it has been my foundation in the way that I grew up. I was very fortunate to be raised in a family that had a foundation of God and church. And my mom had me in church every single time, you know, the doors were open. And so that foundation really helped me through a lot of making sense of what had happened, you know.

no one can fully make sense of what you went through because there's no rhyme or reason to it. And so that for me was a big part of my processing what had happened. even as a grown adult, I mean, I'm 23 and I'm still processing these things and learning so much about myself, even living on my own for the first time and finding myself and my identity and who I wanna be and how I can help. so...

making sense of what happened early on, therapy and prayer and just time in my word and figuring out who I am. Just time. Time has helped me make sense of it and kind of just heal from what had happened. Sure, sure. Well, as mentioned before we hit record, I mean, I'm 45 and I'm still healing from...

For my experiences, mean, it's just, it's a long road. So your parents were fostering through Bair and they already had Jay, right? Jack. Jack, okay. And so they ended up coming to, you ended up both with them, after what, it'd probably been six months or a year at this point.

Yeah, I think so. I'm not quite sure when Jay had gotten there. They had already had Jay for a little while, but they had gotten Jack first. okay. Yeah, they had gotten Jack from the hospital. He was five days old. Okay. And they got him. They had just been certified the night before Thanksgiving. Yeah. And so my mom, of course, hosting all this Thanksgiving, you know, everything at her house. And they get the call, hey, we have a baby boy at the hospital. You have to come get him. And my mom's like, what? Like overwhelmed, like, my gosh, okay. So I got to get everything going. And so.

You know, all the calls made, hey, Thanksgiving's not happening at my house this year. And so she had that dropped on her really quickly and went and got Jack and he was five days old. And I'm not quite sure how old he was by the time they had gotten Jay. And then they had received me after, it had to have been a couple months by the time they had gotten me. So I think I was the last one to come into the family. Sure, sure. So how does that...

How does hearing your, how did you, I mean did you, let me go this way first. Did you know the whole time that you were adopted? mean this wasn't something that, you know, at 15 or 18 it's like hey, you're adopted. Yeah, no, no surprises there. No, yeah, so my mom was very open about, I mean we were old enough and even the conversations that we had and the struggles we were going through, mean.

as a child going in and even saying something as simple as, know, my mom tells me all the time and we will have these conversations and it's really funny to talk about now, but as a child I was so overwhelmed with what had happened and trying to find my place and ⁓ I had been through so many homes where I had these mother figures, you know? And so as a young child who's been through home and home, the thing my mom always said was, ⁓

I would get angry with her and I would tell her, well, I don't want my biological mom. I don't want that other mom and I dang sure don't want you. And she would be like, you know, hearing that from a child, you know, and to that understanding and knowledge of I have been through more than one place. This isn't normal. know, clearly something is off here. Something's different. And so I always had that understanding of I am adopted and I've been through this situation and this type of situation isn't normal for other kids to go through, you know.

And so my mom was always very transparent with us. She told us as much as we needed to know at a young age. And the older we got, the more curious we got, of course. And we had those hard conversations and those, what do you remember type stories and conversations. And so I always pretty well knew, because those are such big things to happen at such a young time in your life when you're developing. Yeah. Yeah.

So your parents went from two kids to five, like really quick. Have they talked with you about how hard that transition was with like three kids, two to five, like there's more than double? yeah. Yeah, that's where we've had a lot of conversations with that, me and my mom, about everything, you and the grace that I've even learned to give my mom given the fact that she went through so much so fast and...

the lack of therapy and community and ⁓ support that she had as, know, basically an only parent. My dad worked so much. And so my mom here, my mom is with all these kids and my dad's working to support all of us. And so it was very hard for her. You know, she felt like she was thrown into the fire, you know? And so there was very little at the time, there was very little support that she was offered. And so she, like I said, she had...

got the call like the day, the next day, hey, you have a little baby boy, you know, you're come pick him up and she has nothing and my dad's working and she's got two other kids that she's gotta go drop off and so it was a lot. It was a lot and you have so many children with so many different personalities and triggers and trauma and so it's a lot to process to go from two to five and I'm sure she's had several of those moments of I can't do this. This is.

I'm way over my head in all of this, you know? And so I can only imagine what that would feel like as a parent to be so overwhelmed. Yeah. What did your foster parents or adoptive parents do that helped you feel safe? What were some of the things that you kind of stood out as what they were doing that was like, okay, that makes me...

Feel safe, what do you think? So, when I first was placed into this home, I was so excited to see Jay, of course, after so long of not being with him. But then, you know, that honeymoon phase is gone and you are left with, okay, what's going to happen next? sure. And so after all that adrenaline and excitement wears off and so...

I remember I had one night where I was having a really rough time and ⁓ adjusting to the home and everything. so me and my mom had gotten into it. I'm three years old and terrible twos, you know, around that age. And so I was very upset that night. And I remember just telling her, you know, I don't want to be here. I don't want you, you know. And there was that moment of complete...

grace and brokenness that my mom had in that moment for me. And I think that's really what made the breakthrough of, okay, I don't wanna just foster, but I wanna adopt, was this moment of feeling like, okay, this little girl has been through so much, you know, and ⁓ she's sitting here saying she doesn't want me, but it's really coming from a broken place of I don't know what a mom is. And so, and not feeling safe. And so, after we had had

our little scuffle and I was so just upset. I remember my mom sitting me down and telling me, look, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to walk out of your life. You are worth it and I do love you and I will never not love you and never not want to be here for you. And it's going to be okay. No matter what happens, you will be okay. And I will be here for you. And I think hearing that,

for the first time and that to really feel that and her holding me and hugging me, it was like, okay, I'm safe. I am okay. This is going to be good. I'm not gonna have to be in survival mode anymore. It was that moment of I can breathe. And to be in survival mode at such a young age and learning to put up walls and be defensive and my immediate thing was to get angry. Going through everything that I did.

So that moment of hearing, it's gonna be okay, I love you and I'm not gonna leave you, I'm not gonna walk out of your life, that's what I needed to hear in that moment to know I feel safe. That reassurance, I think reassurance and transparency is goal to having that relationship and making your foster child feel heard and seen. ⁓

You ⁓ told me that you made it to their home with the diaper you had on and one shirt, right? Yeah. Yeah. When did you hear that? When did you find that out? Do you remember when your mom tells you that? Yeah, so I actually have pretty good memory of the day that I...

arrived at my family's home, I was sitting in the back seat. My mom would tell me all the time these stories of me never sitting in my car seat and I would get out and know, she's like, stay in that car seat. And I just wouldn't, wouldn't. And so I remember riding in the car. Bridget, my caseworker, she had taken me to the house and she had this tan car and I'm here. am two, three years old sitting in the back seat and I'm strapped in.

but there was no car seat. So I'm strapped in the back seat of this car. I'm three years old strapped in this big old seat. And so I'm strapped up, but I'm laying flat across the back seat coloring with these colors. And I remember she's like, okay, we're here. And then I'm just like sitting up looking around like, what do you mean we're here? Confused. remember walking up the long walkway to the door and they opened the door and there's Jay. And it's just that moment of like,

my gosh, there you are, you know, that excitement. And so I just remember running in and seeing him and I didn't have anything with me. You know, I didn't have my, yeah, I had my coloring book and my crayons from the caseworker. But as far as I didn't have a bag, they didn't leave me with any notes or instructions or anything, you know? But I think the first time I remember seeing...

my room and everything, was just like, my gosh, this is mine. And so, yeah. How do you think that experience shapes the way you view foster care today? Honestly, I think that since I've lived it, I feel so much pull and emotion.

know, for foster families and foster children and that relation, you know? And so the way that I view everything now is so different. mean, unless you've lived it or you've really experienced fostering and seeing the emotions and the ups and downs with these children, you know, ⁓ you never really can fully understand anything unless you've been through it. And so it's definitely shaped my idea differently for...

the way I view foster care and everything because I've lived it. Yeah, for sure. So you saw that we did placement packages when you found us, right? Yes. And so what is that in your mind? Like, I wish I had that? Is that what it was? Yeah, that was exactly. ⁓ I just remember like, wow, like I asked my mom, was like, hey, like, did you, what support were you given? And she's like, none. Yeah. None.

We were told, well, Goodwill's got some good stuff. And so she's like, we had nothing. She's like, we were open credit cards to try and, I mean, your last minute giving these kids and opening your home and you don't have anything and that money doesn't come into effect until like a month of having these kids and so, but it's an immediate need. And when you have that need and that urgency and you don't know what to do, you make it happen. And my mom, that's exactly what she did. She made something happen.

knowing about the placement packages and knowing what y'all do and what POCN does, it's a game changer completely. And I just, that push of, I never want a child to know what it's like to have absolutely nothing. And to be given something so amazing, ownership, that's what it is. It's not just stuff. It's not just clothes. It's not just, oh, thank you for the stuff. That is all that child has. That is their...

Property, you know, just like we take pride and joy and my gosh, that's my first car. That's mine. I did that, you know, I have that ⁓ That's how a child feels with their stuff You know their clothes and you know all of the stuff that you give them its ownership, you know It's not just a shirt. It's not just stuff. It's so meaningful to them. Yeah, and just like it was for me. Yeah Yeah, I can like you like you said for your for you walk into your room and you're like, my gosh, this is my room Yeah, you know

How do you think your experiences shape and influence who you are today?

Yeah, so I think that I have so much empathy and understanding for

just people in general. I've always had this feeling of just understanding because I remember being that child that felt like no one understood me. And ⁓ the whole reason why I'm even going for psychology and family counseling and anything like this is because when I was two and three years old and whenever I was old enough to get into school, I...

was getting into a lot of trouble. I had a lot of behavioral issues. And so I just remember feeling like no one understands me. I'm not being seen, I'm not being heard. And that's why I was lashing out and having these behavioral issues and trying to get any and everyone to see me, you know, even if it was negative attention, know, attention is attention. And so I had this school counselor and she sat me down and she's like, why do you feel the way that you feel? You know, you know, talked to me like I was actually there.

Like it wasn't just some kid being bad. And for the first time I was like, wow, she gets me, she sees me. And so from that point on, I spent a lot of time with that counselor, that school counselor. And so I always had this idea of if I can help a child go through what they went through and help them be seen and understood, then I will live the rest of my life trying to do that. And so...

my whole situation and what I went through really did shape who I am today because I never would have met that counselor. I never would have ⁓ had that empathy and that sympathy for other kids and other people, know, and even family members and people even having trouble with their kids that aren't even in foster care, you know, just that understanding of grace. I love that. You know, that's, that's, it's so common.

And the individuals that I work with on a see on a daily basis and on consistent basis, so many of them have these foster care experiences and they're like, this person made such an impact that I'm doing it because of that, or I didn't have that and I wanted that and so I'm gonna.

try to provide that for somebody else. I mean, it really does, it really does kind of shape and mold who we are and what we do. And it can be in a negative way too. But, I mean, I know a lot of foster families who, one of them was in foster care, and so that's why they decided to do that. Or they grew up with a friend.

who was in foster care and stayed in the same school but went from this house to this house to this house and that kind of experience and stuff. what do you think healing has looked like for you?

in the last few years? I would definitely say that... Not that it's done, because it ain't done. Yeah, it's never done completely. There's always work that can be done. For me, counseling, and even through... I've had a lot of healing and understanding and like, aha moments, even through...

going through school and being in these psychology classes and these classes about, you know, child development and behavior and things like that. And I've learned so much about myself and I'm like, my goodness, like that, that makes sense. Like I wasn't just feeling that way because I was just feeling that way. There's a name and there's a reason why I that way. And just going through these courses and meeting people and even being on the board and hearing these stories from these other foster families, it really is healing.

Everything, every day, every class, every story is just healing a little bit every single day. so healing for me has looked very different in all walks and stages of my life. mean, whether it's spending years just trying to be on my own and figure out who I am and be okay with who I am and be okay with my identity and what I went through and ⁓ kind of give myself grace of, you you weren't perfect and you're not perfect, but...

you know, at least you are, you know, trying to be a good citizen and you're going to school and I'm doing these things and it's so easy to be harsh on myself and have those moments of, you know, whether it's even just relationships with friends, know, losing a friend or losing a boyfriend or, you know, whatever the situation is, it's so easy to sit there and...

feel that rejection and that loss and tie it back to that feeling of when you were taken and when you were rejected from your biological family or whatever the situation is. It's so easy to throw yourself back in those positions of, my gosh, once again, I'm alone. so ⁓ healing for me has had to come through ⁓ several different things and outlets and...

Even just like communicating with my mom and my family about these things and talking to God and having a close relationship and good prayer life, you know, and having these support systems around me has really helped my healing process. Yeah. So if you were going to talk to a foster parent, what would you want them to hear from you with your experiences in foster care? ⁓ Probably...

the different stages that I went through in my life because it's so hard, know, everyone dreads the teenage years, you know, how is that gonna look like, you know, what is that rebellion that's to come, you know? And so, ⁓ and every kid is different, you know, some have really rough rebellion years and some don't. ⁓ But I think I would just explain to them the way I felt through each of those critical parts in my life and what it felt like for me to have my own place. ⁓

where I belonged, what belonging looks like from my point of view from a child going into a family that already had established kids, you know? And definitely the emotions and the feelings that I would feel and probably what their children are feeling as well, you know, that feeling of where do I fit in, where do I belong? Through my teenage years, I did struggle with that a lot of where, who am I, you know?

what can I do to make sure that I'm liked? know, the people pleasing. And you that was a big thing of, my goodness, I don't want to go through this point in my life where nobody likes me. You what if they don't like me? And so I think I would just share with foster families, ⁓ foster parents, those emotions and how it feels going into those new situations and ⁓ what's to come. You know, a little bit of ⁓ some knowledge on

how to speak to a child that's been through trauma and what it looks like for us and the grace that has to be given. Absolutely.

So, ⁓ when you found us and you're like, they do placement packages, this is really cool. ⁓ What was it like in the beginning just volunteering ⁓ with us? What was that feeling like?

Honestly, for me, felt great. I was so excited. ⁓ I loved the vision. Immediately when I was hearing about Placement Packages and knowing more in depth what it is and my first time seeing the Moses closet and everything like that, it was just so overwhelming. It's just that excitement, that burst of, my goodness, we are doing something so extraordinary here. To feel that connection of, my gosh, like I...

can definitely, like this is my, well within my will-house, like I can definitely help in this position because of what I've experienced and I know what it's like to have nothing and to take a placement package and see the pure joy and be thrown back to that feeling of that's how I felt. You know, just remembering how I felt the first time I ever was given property, know, something that was mine. ⁓ And so when I...

first heard about it and I first started volunteering, it was just so excited. I just like, was filled with joy. just was like, what can we do next? And so it was really great. I love that. So what was it that made you decide, like, because I think I asked you, was like, hey, think about serving on the board. What made you say yes? I think it was the idea and the understanding of

I can make a difference. Not only can I make a difference in just volunteering, I can really make a difference in policy and community and different things like that. I can reach out.

even more, I can help even more. We can go further with this. It's not just a, you show up and you pull raffle tickets and you do hear you help there, but I can actually make a difference. And the idea of that really just was so exciting. I was like, yeah, I gotta do this. I love that. I love that. what does it feel like being part of making sure that kiddos have their own?

things in their own property. How does that feel? mean, you talked about seeing the joy, but I mean, what does it feel like to be an integral part in making that happen? Yeah. I think that... ⁓

anyone, everyone should be a part of this process of being able to deliver these packages, these love packages, because that's what it is. ⁓ My first time delivering a package, went to the Moses Closet and I got to pick out the type of clothes that they have and their blankets and different toys that I like. And so to see them open these gifts and...

Be like, my gosh, I love this. Every little kid, this is what I've always wanted. This is I always wanted. And that just excitement and appreciation. just, it lights a fire in you. It's just like that feel good feeling of, wow, like we are making a difference. Like it just makes you want to go and deliver 20 million packages. I'm like, let's do more. What's next? ⁓ It's just so exciting. It really is.

You know, every once in a while, I used to deliver almost all of them, and now there's so much other stuff to do. so every once in while, my business coach, Rory, will say, you hey, you need to spend some time on the grill. And what he means is, you know, he was a manager at Whataburger, and a manager of managers, and he would tell the managers, like, every once in a while, you need to go make hamburgers, because...

We're here to make hamburgers. That's what we're here for, you know? And I did not start this organization to write grants or do reports or this or that or whatever. I wanted to have the, experience that joy of bringing some stuff to some kiddos, you know? And so every once in while I just have to say, hey, Jennifer, I'm gonna take this one because

You know, yes, we're bringing stuff, but we're saying so much more with that stuff. It's so intentional and so thought about. When you think about picking out every specific clothing and toy and there's even letters and things that we put in there and these books, there's so much love and thoughtfulness that goes into it. Very intentional.

So what would you say to somebody if they're like, well, it's just some clothes and a suitcase. What you say to them on that? It's definitely not that to that child. until you really do see that, mean, regardless, you'll make it happen. have to, my mom and dad made it happen. They didn't have a resource like POCN. And so you make it happen. for that child, you really mean...

It's like, cool, yeah, you got a new blanket. Good job, that's awesome. I'm so happy for you, but it's just a blanket. But for that child, it's so much more. You show up and you have nothing. I mean, just as simple as, ⁓ you get to go to your bed every night and you have your room. A lot of kids don't have that. They never have anything to call really theirs. And even when they're home, they're not home. It's not home. And those things, that stuff, is what

but

makes that child feel home and feel like they have a place and feel belonged, know? Like they have a belonging. And so that's what it is. It's so much more than just stuff. That is that child's home. I love the way you said that. It makes it home for them. That's really beautiful. That's really beautiful. What would you... I think we talked about this, but...

From the perspective of a kiddo that's coming into their home, what do you want that foster parent to know and to think about as that child's walking in the door? ⁓ That it's not going to be easy. It's going to come with trials and tribulations, grace. Grace and patience and transparency and openness and those conversations and honestly what children want to hear

being pushed left and right and not knowing where they're gonna go is we may not know what's going to happen next, but right now, right in this moment, you are loved and you are seen and you are protected. And I think that should be the first thing that a foster family should do for a child, know? Because you really don't know where they're gonna be, you know, the next moment. But the time that you get to have with them, you wanna make the most of it. I why else would you go into the foster, you know,

Community, know is to make these children feel wanted and loved, you know The few the little bit that you do have them or even adoption, you know when you do decide to adopt and have them forever, you know ⁓ That's what that child wants to hear and see is Wow, I am safe I can breathe even if it's for a night a night sleeping in a bed, you know, it's I'm safe. Yeah

What advice do you give to someone who, know, to adults that were adopted? What are some advice that you give them or would give them? I think it would be to go to therapy. Yeah. Go to therapy. ⁓ mean, whether you really think you need it or not, you'll hit a point in your life. I mean, even if it's something as simple as you've

done great, everything's been fantastic, and then you turn 18, you turn 20, whatever, and you're on your own. And all of a sudden it's...

I'm alone, and not having mom and dad or siblings or whoever, you're on your own. And I think some advice I would have is definitely go to therapy. Have a good support system. Find people to be around. When you feel the worst thing you can possibly do when you feel alone is to isolate. I mean, when you're depressed, the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself, because it just spirals from there. ⁓ So I think support system. Get a good support system, because you will

will need it. You will need it. You moved to Lubbock. That had to have been scary and hard. Especially when we, as kiddos, we didn't feel safe and valuable and loved.

connected and all the things and so, you know, being alone and not having that sense of community around your family and stuff like that, it's gotta be tough. Yeah, it's definitely been difficult. Like I said, I mean, I'm 23, I'm still learning a lot about myself and still healing and figuring out that process and a lot of the time, children that are in the foster system, have this...

feeling this constant feeling of, least I did from my experience, this feeling of I don't like change. Because I mean, when you're so young and you go through so much change, mean, unwanted change a lot of the time, you have no jurisdiction over where you go. ⁓ You're just moved from place to place. so...

that idea of not wanting change and then when change does happen it's like your whole world gets flipped and it's like my gosh what do I do now and that fear of I don't know what I'm doing I know like I can't do this I can't do this and

⁓ I had that feeling at first, you know, moving away from my family and everything, but because I have such a good support system and I get to come home on the weekends, know, luckily Lubbock's not too far. ⁓ But I even in Lubbock, I've found a support system of people and found a church and found people that are a lot like, I mean, they have programs even at...

Texas Tech where there's other kids that were in the foster system. I love that. Yeah, and so you just plugging yourself in and finding a place because like I said, you're gonna need it. But change, a lot of the time, kids that have gone through so much change and so much...

thrown back and forth as a child, they don't like change. They're a creature of habit. know, change is scary and it is frightening. And that's where independence and learning to be independent, another thing that a foster parent can do for a child that's been adopted or in the foster system is independence. Learning how to be independent, but knowing, yes, you're independent, but you always have support. You always have help. You're a safe place to land. Yeah.

So if you can go back and talk to the two-year-old Cadence what would you tell her? As corny as it sounds, I would probably tell her that it's going to be okay. Because in that moment of not knowing what's coming next, or can I actually trust this woman that's saying she's going to be my mom? Can I actually let my guard down for once?

I just needed to hear that it is gonna be okay. And you are wanted and you are more than enough. And that's what I would tell her, you are more than enough. Yeah, beautiful. What does home mean? So, I think home is, it looks different to everyone. But for me, home is love, safety, support.

know, anywhere that you feel love and safety and support. Home is so different now than what I saw it back then, you know, when I was younger. I mean, since I've been on my own and moved out and I'm an adult now, going back to home and the house that I was raised in, you know, it's just so different now. ⁓ But it always just has that sense and that feeling and those memories of like...

this is home, this is mine. And so anything that feels like this is mine, peace, home is peace. Sure, yeah, yeah, it's great, I love it. So ⁓ why do you think POCN's mission matters? Because I've seen the difference it can make. I've seen what it looks like to not have that.

and what it looks like to have that. To see the difference that it makes in everyone's lives, not even just the children, but in that, when you have that sense of urgency of what am I gonna do? I need this stuff for these children. I can't have nothing. ⁓ Being able to have an organization like PioCean makes the world of a difference and wanting, even the decision to want to foster. ⁓

having that hope and knowing I want to do this and I want to be a help to these children that are in these homes and these systems that are so full of children that are needing somewhere to go and to just feel loved even like I said even for a night even for a day even for a week you know to know that it's okay yeah I know that we don't know where you're going to next but it's for right now tonight right

this second you are okay. And what POCN does is not only tell the kids, hey, you're okay, everything's gonna be okay, like we got you, but it also tells the parents, hey, we got you, we are here, you know, the community is taken care of. Love that, I love that. Well guys, we, if you don't know what we're talking about when we talk about placement packages, we,

step in when a family gets a kiddo in their home in the 26 counties of the Texas Panhandle, we provide this thing called a placement package. And every kiddo gets a suitcase, a Bible, a teddy bear, a book, a toy, and a blanket. But then over and above that, every kiddo gets those six things. But then over and above that, it's diapers and clothes and car seats and bottles and formula and all the things that a family needs.

Each placement package per child that comes to that home costs the organization about $430. And so they get, they do, they get a lot of stuff. And so you've heard from Cadence's what it was like not having a placement package and then being able to turn around and be able to provide one of those placement packages to a kiddo that's coming to that home. And so we need your help to get there.

You know, we, all of this stuff that we give to these families is new. We feel like that communicates love and value and respect. And so we need these items. So we do Moses Closet Drives. We have an Amazon wish list where you can set up and be a monthly donor, a placement package partner is what we call them. $100 buys this, all the clothes we need for a placement package.

and $50 buys us a case of diapers and $10 buys us an outfit. And so we would ask you to consider going to our website, panhandleorphan.org/donation, set that monthly placement package partner donation up. And you know, it's great. It's easy. It comes out of your account once a month. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to do anything. It just comes out. And so, you know, last year we doubled what we provided in

the year before and our goal this year is to not quite double that. then within five years, every child coming into care in the 26 counties of the panhandle gets a placement package. That's the end goal. But we need your help to get there. So if you'll think about that, go to our website, panhandleorphan.org/donation and consider setting that up.

Okay, Cadence thank you. Thank you for coming on the podcast. This is not easy stuff to talk about. Thank you so much for having me. I enjoyed being here and discussing. Hopefully anything I've said has been helpful. I think it is. I think it is. And from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for your service to the organization on the board and volunteering and all kinds of things. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

All right, guys, well, thank you guys. Tune in next week. We've got another great episode coming your way. We'll see you on the flip side. Thanks.