Aging Out: The Challenges Foster Youth Face and How You can Help

Matt Darrah (00:01)

Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Our episode title today is Aging Out, the challenges foster youth face, and how we can help.

So I'd to welcome our guests to the show today. We have Amber White, who is the executive director of Fostering Independence, and Jazlyn a young woman living in Fostering Independence housing and share her personal journey. So thank you guys so much for being on the show today.

hopefully raising awareness for both the organization but also the struggles that kiddos come in into care and then once they hit that threshold what their experience is like. So, Jazlyn, if you don't mind, just a little bit of an introduction of who you are.

I'm I'm 21 years old and I have been in foster care since I was probably about 14 years old so I've always lived in it. I've been used to having people around me all the time. I was what you considered a higher level of care so I was in lockdown facilities, 90 day shelters.

like that so I was always used to like having to ask to go to the restroom or ask to go to my room I didn't have the quote-unquote normal life you know so when I got to about the time I turned 18 I was living at the Amarillo Children's Home I loved that place they helped me do amazing things but when I did get to that time I was ready I was ready to leave CPS I didn't want nothing to do with them anymore I wanted to have my own life I wanted to be in charge of like what I can do

to rely on anybody, I was just ready to be grown, you can say, because that's what we ready to be. We're so ready to be grown until you hit that real world. And honestly, I did not do very good at all. I plummeted so fast. I went to WT, and I went from having somebody, a staff with me 24-7, even at nighttime, to not having nobody at all. And my roommate that I had,

never there. She never lived there. So I was by myself and my mental health like plummeted fast and quick. I went into this deep depression and I would just sleep all day and not go to class and like I said I was in CPS in high school so I didn't have that poor eating lifestyle. I didn't get to go hang out with my

spend a night with anybody so when I went to college I just acted a fool. When you turned 18 and you moved out and went to WT did you have anybody in your life any support mechanisms at all? Yes and no like I said people were around me and they said like

still here like the children's home for instance like we're still here Jas like you're okay like you're gonna be fine I thought I had such a good support but I didn't and so like my foster parents or the house parents that I had they ended up leaving

senior year prom right after prom they left and they were like my parents like very very very close with them I was I still talk to them to this date and so when they left that was like a piece of me that left and then I chose WT because my mentor slash like I go home like my dad

He lived in Canyon and he was three minutes from WT. So I was like, if I need anything, she'll is right there. Like I will be okay. That's the only reason I chose WT. So I thought I was going to be okay. And he took a job in Austin that he couldn't turn down. And so he was no longer there. And then also somebody that I had as my night staff that was like my grandma, she was like my safe place. She left a month before I left too. And so like my support system was no longer there.

So I had them but they went their own way so I necessarily didn't have nobody and I was in Canyon So everybody was at least 30 minutes from me. So I didn't have necessarily people right there I in the beginning I was going to like I said, but I've had other plans for them, which is okay So I do think if I had support a little bit closer, maybe it could have been different But at the same time, I don't think it would have because of how I was Like I said, I was by myself all the time. I

was now in control of what I did, where I could go, who I hung out with, what time I got home. I'd curfew every night. I was home at 10.30 every day. Now I can stay out till three in the morning. Now I can go party. Now I can go do all this stuff. So guess what I was doing? I was doing all of that because I didn't have that opportunity in care. I...

suspension or probation first. I think they did probation first and so they were telling me like you need to get by going with your class and I actually was in WT Sill program. It was their first year opening so they did not know what they were doing. weren't really

So necessarily we would meet once a week and they would like talk to us about stuff and they would just talk to stuff like that had nothing to do with what we were going through like at all like certain random stuff like communication and like little things like you should be going over here and you should be doing this and they were on top of me and like

on top of me in a way that was not working with me so I stopped talking to them and like they weren't supportive so I didn't go to them like I could have went to them but I didn't feel comfortable enough to go to them and be like hey I'm struggling like that's another big thing about me is I don't know how to ask for help I can be so low in the ground but I'm strong I can do it by myself I've always had to do it by myself I'm gonna do it by myself I'll get myself back up and so that's why it took me so long to ask for help and I

think a lot of kids are like that. They think that they can do it on their own. They've done it on their own their whole

that what's different now. And that's not true. Like there's people out there that love you and care about you and that will love to take care of you and help you like Amber and her program. So do you know, do you know how many, you said you came into care at 14. Do you know how many placements you've had between 14 and 18? Oh, a lot. A lot. Like I said, I was higher in level of care because I was bad. I was fighting, was running away, was

I went to six high schools my freshman year, five my sophomore, my junior year I went to like three, and my senior year I was able to only go to one. So I went to a lot a lot of schools and those were only public schools most of the time I was out of charter school so I have to add those two so that's probably like 12 more added because we weren't allowed to go to public school we had charter school. So probably like 50

I didn't stay in a place too long. The longest placement I probably stayed was the children's home and it was for over two years maybe or about two years. Every other time it was I was there a month I'd run away. I was there two months I'd run away. And they I'm from Lubbock but they would keep me in Dallas and Houston far six seven eight hours away because they would think like she's not gonna run but then it stopped me. I still ran which was very dangerous.

very

very dangerous I could have been in a different situation. So how did you how did you find out about Amber and fostering independence? What happened? So when I got kicked out of school I went to live with my

boyfriend and so one thing I will say when you turn 18 you go you either go to like your biological family or you'll go to some family or you'll go with friends or you'll go live with a boyfriend and Sometimes it's not the best places when people leave like most of the time like I know a lot of people Personally, we'll go I'm gonna go live with my mom and I get CPS this well I don't care I'm gonna go live with my family and that's what I did I went to go live with my boyfriend and

got pregnant and so I did not know what I was gonna do it kind of took a turn we got a little toxic his mom found out I was pregnant and kicked me out and so I was like what am I gonna do like what so I called my biological mom and I had her come get me from San Angelo so I moved I moved to packed everything and I left and I moved to San Angelo

It wasn't very good. Me and my mom don't have a good relationship. We are so much alive that we butt heads. And my sister and her, she'll, my mom was talking crap to my sister, my sister would sit there and cry and take it. Me, I'm not. I'm gonna talk my crap back and you're gonna hear my mouth because I'm not gonna let you talk to me like that. And so we just didn't get along. We kept butting heads. So we ended up going to Lubbock for a trip or something and I had to ride with

her because I just wanted to go I guess and we got an argument right by Texas Tech University there's like a Dollar Tree we're at a red light and she's screaming to get the F out of her car and so I get out of her car and I'm nothing in a crop top and pajamas and the crocs on my my feet and just my phone and she kicked me out and she left and she left me so I'm like what am I gonna do like I am pregnant nobody knows I'm pregnant like I don't know what I'm gonna do like I'm now in Lubbock

So I called some people from Amarillo and I was like, hey, like my mom just dropped me off here. Like I'm in the middle of nowhere. Where do I do? So my friend was like, my friend lives right there. I'm going to tell her to come pick you up. And I'm on the way. Like I just stay at her house till I get there. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. And so I've never met this girl. And I'm, she was like, Hey, I'm Bailey's friend. Like come here. And she was like, just stay here. Like Bailey's on the way. You're fine. Like everything's going to be okay.

and I'm just screaming and crying and my sister and my brother are calling me and cussing me out and my mom's telling them a whole other story and I just jumped out in the middle of the road.

And so like, dude, what am I gonna do? Like I'm... And you're how old at this point? 20. 20, okay. And so I'm like, dude, what am I gonna do? Like I have a baby, like I don't think I can do this. So I'm living in the dorm with my friend. Like I'm not supposed to be doing this. And I'm there and I'm like trying to figure out a plan and I'm sleeping like on the ground under her bed basically is where I'm staying. Like when she goes to class, I'm just in there. And so it was like rough. And so I was like, I have to do something because she got caught.

And her RA was like, she needs to leave or you're gonna get like a $15,000 fine. And so I was like, I will go baby, I promise you. So I'm freaking out, I call the people from the children's home, I'm like, hey, what do I do? And so she's reaching out to people, she's calling people. I got connected back to my CPS people and they're like, you can sign yourself back into care and we can get you a placement. And I'm like, dude, there's nothing else to do but that. I'm homeless, I have nowhere to go. I have no-

family nothing what am I gonna do so I was like okay fine like what do need to do send me the papers they sent it via phone I'm signing all the documents signing myself back into CPS and I'm like so bad I'm like dude I hate this like here we go here we go again I'm grown and now I have people telling me

to do. So I'm just like I'm not I'm not doing good and I ended up going to another sale program that's here in Amarillo it's not Amber's and me and them were just not a good fit I just was not in a place in life where I was ready to hear anybody I needed a little bit different support than they were necessarily offering me so I moved out I moved out and I

apartment with a friend that was also at the children's room with me and she was also living at that cell and so many people told me don't do that Jazz don't do that like it's not a good idea are you sure she's you know like close with you like that I'm like yeah like I've known her for years everything's gonna be fine like she's not gonna do nothing and I'm on bed rest because my pregnancy was horrible I was on bed rest for six of the nine months I threw up 50 to 60 times a day like it was horrible I survived on water through a straw and saltines my whole pregnancy

Like it was horrible so I wasn't able to work so I told her like I'll furnish the whole house if you pay first three months rent till I have her and once I can get a job like I'll take over and she was like okay and we were there for a month and she quit her job and nobody's working so I'm like trying to figure stuff out so me and Jayden are trying to get our money together trying to figure out stuff and we're working it out we figured out and I go and I'm going in for my induction and I have her

just got out of my c-section and I get all these texts and I'm doing my phone is just blowing up and she kicked us out the day I had my emergency c-section of our apartment. and I'm like still drugged I'm still kind of like out of it and I'm like freaking out I just had my baby like I just had her through an emergency c-section and you're gonna do this like really so my my my boyfriend and my family they went and they packed up all their stuff and got it out and so I'm like dang like what am I gonna do now

Like where am I going to go? They told me that this was going to happen and I didn't believe them. And so I was like, okay, well not what. So we went to go back and I lived with Jaden's family. And like, no here. So I lived here and I was living with his family and they're, they're amazing. I love them. But me and Jaden were

not doing good. We just had Kehlani and he was dealing with infidelity issues and so I decided like I'm I can't do it anymore. I need to figure out a plan and so my best friend's cousin is actually in Amber's program and she was like just talk to Amber and I was like no I'm about to turn 21.

nothing she can do for me like at all like I can't like there's no point of even trying and so she's like are you sure and so like I'm reaching out and once again I'm trying to find a place to go because I'm ready to move out of Jaden's house and so I'm like come on and so I'm reaching out to people and people are reaching out to me and it's funny because like six people reached out to Amber about me and it was so cool and so finally I met with Amber and she kind of was like so I want you to come and I was like but I'm about to be 21 like you don't understand

And she's like, I don't care. Like, it's fine. Like, it's good. I'm like, but I have a baby. And she's like, it's OK. We love babies over here. And so I'm like, OK. Like, are you sure? And she's like, yeah. And so I went and I came into Amber's house. And I absolutely loved it from the get-go. I felt safe. I felt calm. My brain was like not going 1,000 miles per hour. I felt OK. Like, I was somewhere I knew I was going to be OK in my baby.

is going to be okay. And from there, think it just kind of, I call her like every day on a daily basis just to call her. My baby loves her so much. my gosh. She said Amber before she said mama. If that explains anything to you, that so I love love.

and they've helped me so much. Sometimes I don't work like I said. Right now I'm in the middle of jobs and so I was like, I need diapers Amber, do you have diapers over there? And she was like, what size? Size four. She was like, okay, on the way. Because we have like a pantry that's like baby stuff and so I know like if I need something I can call Amber and we have.

pantry so I love that we have that in our cell program and like I want to be able to tell everybody about the cell program especially girls that have babies because we take babies and we take mommies and I've been there and I'm actually the first and I think only junior board member of Fostering Independence

just love to advocate and get it out there that there's support and don't leave CPS at 18 and feel like you have nobody and go down that path when you have people that will love and support you and be over here if you need you. That's absolutely heartbreaking and amazing, right? mean, the reality is your story is not unique. No, it's something you probably hear a lot.

Yeah, yeah. So, I know you said you're interviewing for a job. What is moving forward? What's the plan? mean, yes, I am not in this hat one of her houses anymore. I have my own house. So yes, I love it. So right now I'm working on a job and then the next big step for us and me and Kehlani is getting a car. So I had one.

said it got totaled so the next step is getting a car so that I have reliable transportation and then eventually next semester the plan is my goal, my personal goal is to have a car by next semester so that I can go back to school for EMS at AC. Okay awesome, awesome. So how are you getting back and forth to this job? Amber, Amber helps out with stuff. I also have like we have Buckners and they give me Uber gift cards to get to, or not a gift card but like a voucher

To get to and from work my my baby's dad is very much involved with us and so he takes me to and from we co-parent I have her on the weekdays. He has from the weekends and they live six minutes from me literally So if I need something if I need to to the store Kehlani needs something I just get first I give Amber a call and if Amber can't do it then I call them. And it's Kehlani. Kehlani. Kehlani. Yes, my baby is Kehlani Faith King. And he's how old now? She is 11 months. you're okay.

She'll be one next month. We're planning her birthday so we're excited. So technically you're not even in Amber's program anymore. graduated successfully from her program. But she's still there every step. Yes, so with what we did, if you age out of Amber's program, she's able to help you pass 21. Like I said, I am 21 usually help stops from CPS around 21. They just kind of like, hey you're on your own now.

to this point, you should be fine. But when you graduate from fostering independence, they're still able to help you with certain things, like we have a car savings program that I do with Amber.

There's multiple different things that she's able to help you. Life skills classes where you can get money for your car savings program. So even though I'm not technically in her program, I'm still a part of her program. Yeah, I still go to holidays. We had a big, was it Thanksgiving? Christmas party. had a big Super Bowl party. Yeah, so just because I'm not technically in CPS, Amber's still very much involved.

Okay Amber, we're hearing lots of awesome, awesome stuff. Tell us first a little bit of the backstory. Where did fostering independence come from? How did it get to here where you're helping young women like Jasmine? Okay, so the backstory is kind of funny, but we, my husband and I, were actually looking for a house to buy for ourselves. We were...

We're very picky, so we spent about two years finding a house. found one that we just loved. We fell in love with it, and it had a mother-in-law's quarters in the back of it. So my husband's talking about what we're gonna do with that, you know, because we have rental property. So my first thought is, let's rent it out. And he said, no, not, you know, right in the back of our house, right?

So I started thinking, I've just always had a heart for foster care. And I know that there's limited resources for those who are aging out. So I called St. Francis Ministries, which is like, know, CPS in our area. And I asked them, said, Could you find just maybe a young lady who's aged out of foster care, maybe trying to go to school or something, she could live there for free, I wouldn't charge her anything, I wouldn't be in her business. But if she needed me, you know, I'd be there. And they said, Actually, we can find you a whole lot

I said I just want the one. No nonprofit at this point. No, not at all. I just thought that would be a great use of that room. My husband was talking about making it a reptile room and I said you know we could do something there. So they started telling me they said there's actually a program available for these kids once they've aged out of foster care that can help them like kind of you know bridge that gap from foster care to independence that is

for ages 18 to 21 and no one in Amarillo

was doing it. And me being like just my personality I said I can do that like you know what I can handle that and so we started talking and they were like okay well since no one is offering this like we want to definitely help you explore this and so we kind of set up some meetings and we had put in an offer on the house and I hadn't told my husband what my plans were with that room and the rest is history. So a couple weeks later the guy that we were buying the house from

decided he wanted to keep his home. He didn't want to sell it to us anymore. So, you know, we were kind of disappointed there and that the ball was already rolling on this other stuff. so I asked my realtor, I found an office building downtown and I said, I want you to show this to me. And she said, I don't understand why we're doing this, but okay, let's go. So we go in, we walk into it. I mean, like I walk down, you walk in, there's like a little office and then there's like bedroom, bedroom, bedroom.

said, this is perfect, this is what I need right here. And she's like, why are we here?

I said, well, I think I want to open something for kids who've aged out of foster care. and it was just, it was like it was made for me. The woman that I bought it from only owned it for six months. It was like a total complete rehab project for her. She was a counselor. She was going to rent out the other rooms to her counselor friends. And then when it came time, I guess she had some people backing out and she, you know, didn't want to be the landlord.

So she just decided to sell and I swear to you she made it for me. Like it was perfect. So I called my husband right there and I said, okay, you know that money that we were gonna put down on that big beautiful house. He said, yeah, I was like, I wanna take in by this place down here. And he was like, okay, what are we doing with that? And I said, I wanna put four girls in it.

and he just kind of lets me do what I want to do. So he said, okay. And so I put the money down on it. I talked to St. Francis. said, I can have this up and going in like a month. Like, let's go. And they were like, you know, they were kind of, I don't think they really believe me, but so they were a little skeptical, but they were like, all right, we're ready. You know, we'll start planning with you. So there was a few things that did need to be done.

There wasn't a shower because this was actually an office building and so there wasn't Closets in every bedroom so we started working on stuff like that My husband was working every single weekend over there at that house and I joke that you know if if he had known that When he said yes that you would spend a solid year at that house every weekend. You probably would have said no, but And you still don't have a nonprofit. No Yeah, it's just things that are just I mean it's just it's just

you

know it's just snowballing so so anyways he's working and working and then we start running into issues with like the plumbing and city permits and all this stuff because it's actually was on commercial and like it's just it was a mess so then it was like we're in this waiting phase and I was getting so frustrated because all I wanted to do was put some kids in there and so while we were in the way

I found another house that I liked and it was ready. All we had to do was put furniture in it. So I bought it. And so that house actually opened first. And so we did things kind of backwards but it worked out in the end. We kept working.

You know, things are great there. So now we have four homes and I just bought a duplex. ⁓ my gosh, why didn't you get the second two? How knew you had two? Amber buys houses like you change clothes. Right. I get under her all the time. Like last year we had so many conversations. went, cute house. No, Amber, you have to focus on the one we have right now. So you have four houses now. Yes. Holy smokes. That's awesome.

Yeah, so we just bought a duplex, is one bedroom, one bathroom on each side. It's adorable and so ready. I'm excited. We have somebody moving in tomorrow there. So the way that our homes work is basically our initial home, like where my office is. We have a lady that stays the night there five nights a week. So that's like our first step. You know, there's no curfews. There's no, you know, we're not like really breathing down your throat, but it's a good, it's a good first step.

from foster care to have a little bit more support, a little more guidance if you need it, somebody to come pick you up from work, somebody, you know, that kind of stuff. So we have three phases to our program and it's called Foundations, Fundamentals, and Futures. So that's where everybody comes in and we're working on our foundations. We're working on how to support ourselves with our own food, taking care of our own transportation, stuff like that. But in the meantime, we're helping a lot with all of that stuff. So until there

actually ready to make those steps where they're to help them. And so once those kids are taking on more responsibility, and for some it takes longer than others, you know, it's just dependent, but once they're ready to take on more responsibility for their own lives and like providing for their own hygiene and you know just baby stepping their way towards independence, but that's when they can move to like what I call the big kid houses. And there there's no there's no cameras on the doors, there's no you know rules about

your friends coming over. You really have a lot more freedom, but you've proven that you're responsible enough and you can handle it. So we want to make sure that it's not an all or nothing approach. In foster care, that's a lot of what it is. You get everything taken care of for you. You have all the rules, all the things, and then you turn 18 and then it's nothing, just like Jas was saying. And so that's something that we recognize as well and we want to make sure that we can baby step that.

walk them through the phases so they're taking us so when they move to the big kid houses they also pay for their own internet so you know it's just little steps at a time building that they are building on and it gives them some confidence and you know a sense of accomplishment too. Just some skills, life skills of okay I got this bill and I got to pay this bill every month and how am going to pay it? Yeah and we figure out how to get them started and how do you know like how do you set up your internet okay that's something we can work on.

Yeah, so we're just kind of working little by little. It's all very individualized. You know some of us know more in certain areas than others and so it's just all very individualized on what are your goals? Where do you want to be? How do we help you get there? And then I'm really more there for accountability and support in you reaching the goals that you choose for your life.

So you've got the of the intro-home and then the bigger home, the big kid home you call it, and then the other two are for girls that have gotten... We have all, we only have like the intra-home and then all the rest are like big kid houses. Okay. So the duplex, we've kind of recognized also that shared housing is not, I mean that's what these kids have grown up in.

we're kind of getting over that, you know, we're ready to move on. So they come into the first home, which is shared housing, because we can have four girls there. And then when they move, we have two homes that could potentially be shared housing. We have some girls that are really social and they need that, you know, and they want to have a roommate. But then that's why I bought the duplex, because it's one bedroom, one bathroom on each side. So you have some that do better on their own. know, so that way we can just really tailor the right fit.

So talk to me how many girls have you served? How many girls are in the program right now? I always have to think about that because like Jazz says, when they turn 21, I don't like... Kick them out the door, see you later. Like they're still part of our family. So I have to think about how many of them are under 21, you know? So we have six that are under 21 right

and out of how many.

How many girls, let's just focus on girls, about, do you know how many girls in the 26 counties age out in a given year? I don't know in the 26 counties. I know in Texas it's about 1,200 a year, but that's total. Just girls? There's not, actually I have not been able to find those statistics to give me like a real concrete answer there. Sure. So 1,200 per year.

in the state of Texas. Age out Okay. Okay. So I know you talked about, it's kind of an all or nothing thing. There are resources available to them if they stay in care, right? So talk to us about what does that look like? What kind of support mechanisms do they get if they stay in care as opposed to just... Sure.

So staying in foster care, I think that's the main reason that most of these kids don't want to go to a program like ours because it's staying in foster care. They're not done with it, right? And I can't say that I blame them, but there's really a lot more freedom than what they think. And every place is going to be different and have their own rules. for us in particular, we don't hold them down. We're not going to let them go and

do something that's going to be harmful to themselves or anything like that. But we let them make their own decisions. And natural consequences is something that we deal with a lot. And it's just a safe and supportive place for them to learn that maybe that wasn't the best idea.

But for support wise, they basically would get free housing. We help them with transportation to and from work and school. We help with obtaining their goals, like whatever it is, whether it's GED or diploma or enrolling in college.

We can help with school supplies, stuff like that. And so it's just really individualized. It's just kind of, but just the extended foster care piece of it means that they get the housing covered as long as they're working or in school. And then the state, if they've been in care at any point in their life, the state does college, right? So they get a voucher that you can use that pays for all of your tuition up to

doctor in multiple degrees but the crazy thing about it not a lot people use that. Right yeah what did you say the percent? 3%. 3 % in the state actually use. I think it's 3 % overall like will actually obtain a degree with it. Okay okay wow. Yeah and I mean I think that has a lot to do with you know when you age out you're not worried about

school you're worried about how am going to feed myself today and where am going to sleep tonight and then you got to immediately get a job and then if you end up pregnant and you know there's just lots of things that just kind of it's like life is happening to you you don't have a support system or you don't. Talk to us about so let's say I'm 18 I'm in a foster home and I you know let's say I turn 18 in March and then I finish out the school year and then what?

If I'm understanding correctly, they can't stay in the home that they're in. They can if the home allows it. Okay. Yeah, so like with me, I was already 18 when I graduated, like, it's my birthday's in September. So I stayed into the children's home all the way.

So that summer so they were able to let me stay that summer till they dropped me off to college so it depends on what placement most of the time you can stay there until you like graduate and you go to your next step or you find your next step but there is some places where when you turn 18 and like you're graduated you have to find somewhere to go like you gotta go we need somebody else like to take your bed you gotta go so that's usually how it goes it's they're like in and out in and out that I can use that bed for somebody else so we need you to

So of the girls that you're taking care of, outside of fostering independence, do most of them not, they don't have any support structure, right? Outside of you guys.

do have contact with family members but they can tell you that it's not ideal and it's not always good contact. I have one young lady that I'm teaching her how to drive right now and let me tell you that's a scary thing to do for all of these girls. I put my life in my own hands. She's terrifying.

I took her out driving and it was our first time and so we just drove around the block a couple of times and I asked her, do you think? Because you know she talks to her mom occasionally, not super often and they don't really get along very well.

She's here in town. And so I said, you think she might be willing to help you drive some? And she said, yeah, but she would yell at me the whole time. And I thought, okay, like, yeah, that's going to be stressful. That's not something that we want to do. But, you know, there's just only so much for me some days. And so I want to help her get that license quickly. And so that's why I suggested that. and that's a lot of them. It's just, they're not really healthy relationships. And so they struggle with some of that. But support wise, I don't know.

I mean we've got some that have some people that are okay and then some that don't have anybody. Do you know how many, I know we talked about 1200 age out each year, right? I think I remember the statistic but I'm not sure, if you remember it. So once,

kiddos hit teenage years, the chances of them being adopted before they turn 18, do you know? I don't know the statistics, but it's like nothing. Yeah, no, so I can tell you that a little bit more, because I've been in CPS, like I said, my whole life. So I was adopted, and then I was with my adoptive family, and then I was put back into CPS when I was 14. So I've kind of been in it basically my whole life. So when you're young and you are...

like younger, families want you. They want you because you're younger, you're not a teenager, you don't have to deal with the moodiness and all that. when you hit the round the time of teenage years, you don't go.

Placements shelters 90-day shelters where you can only stay 90 days and then they have to either renew it Or you go to another 90 day shelter like that's three months that I'm living there and then I have to go somewhere else for three months and then I have to go somewhere else for three months because there's not foster homes that I accept Teens so a lot of the time that's why you see teens running away because they don't want to be there because they don't want to deal with the rules That's why there's not a lot of foster homes that take them because they're scared that they're gonna run away from their house. So yeah

So when you see teenagers, you don't see a lot of them in homes unless they've been there since they were little. It's hard to get a teen adopted, very, very, very hard. And I tried. I was in...

After a year, I was able to be adopted at 15. I was in the like, in the like, the thing to be adopted, but nobody wanted a 15, 16 year old girl. didn't get adopted and that's why I aged out.

So tell us another short story of success. Something you've seen. So one of our very first young ladies that came to us, we actually went to a meeting. I had only one young lady living in the home. And I took her to a meeting that she had to go to. And there was somebody there that she knew. And so they talked a little bit. And she was telling her, like, hey, you should maybe check out where I'm at, you know?

And that girl said, are your house parents nice? And they kind of both looked at me like, and I was like, you know. And so we talked a little bit, but I didn't expect anything to come from that. And then she reached out. She was interested. And so we went ahead and accepted her. And I learned later that she had actually been living in her car.

for a year. I had no clue, you know, she never would have presented that way and she'd been sleeping in her car at Medi Park every night and she was working full time and going to GED classes.

So she had all the motivation, she had all the right pieces, she just wasn't sure how to put them all together to like, you know, get everything going the way she wanted it to. So she lived with us for over a year. And she is now, we're graduating high school in May. And we are...

moving into an apartment tomorrow. So you know she is my, I mean I'm just so proud of her. We are so proud. She's so dedicated. so like, it's it's baby stepping you know. We gotta figure this stuff out a little at a time and when you don't have people in your corner showing you how to do things and then it's just overwhelming. It's tough. got your...

Nonprofit status a year and half two years ago? Maybe a year and a half now. Yeah, Yeah, we just kind of you know once we realize like I'm jumping in with both feet and I'm figuring out on the way down

I was like, all right, we should probably look into something. And a lot of people wanted to help. Whenever we were about to close on the house that I bought downtown, I made a post on Facebook and I just said, hey, these are the things that we need for this house. This is what we want to do. And these are some of the statistics that we're going to try to combat here. And so that post got shared almost 900 times in the matter of a few days.

I

didn't have social media accounts set up for fostering independence. didn't have any of that. I didn't have anything. I was just thinking, my friends and family, maybe some of them have a connection to a plumber or something that can help us out. I was bombarded with messages. It was crazy. Things that we were going to do six months from that day had to happen right now. I had to go ahead and get stuff going because people were asking, how can we help? How can we help? What can we do? I was like, okay.

This is a need that we're filling and this is something that people care about. So how can the community get involved? What are things that they can do? So every one of our girls is paired with a mentor. We do one-to-one mentorship. So if you're interested in mentoring, we always have girls that need a match. And mentoring just looks like matching up with one of our kids that you kind of get along with.

you

like twice a month, take them to dinner or just hang out, know, take them to your house, whatever it is, just so they can have an extra person in their life that's a supportive adult. And just kind of, you know, the more the more supportive relationships we can have in our lives, the better it is. You we don't. there's so many like in the program that it's hard for me to hit all of them all the time. And so our mentors, we just love our mentors. They they just check in with our kids. They take them and, know, they

all sorts of stuff with them. they can mentor? Mentorship is a good one. have also, we collect clothing all year long, so used clothing, it doesn't matter if it's boys, girls, men's, women's, we collect clothing because we have a partnership with Clothes Exchange where we can take that clothing, Clothes Exchange will sell it for us, and then our girls, so we earn credit and our girls can go shop and pick out things that they like, that they want, that work for them.

Most of our girls come in with very, very little clothing. So that's a big thing that people can do. I would really love if we had somebody who wanted to teach our girls how to drive and take that off my plate. That would be a great volunteer position. Or even yard work, stuff like that. That's all very helpful for us. And money. ⁓ money. That's number one.

things. How do they give? You can go on our website. It's fosteringindependence.org. We have links there that they can donate or on our social media. have links as well. So Jazzlyn tell us what...

the community support, what it felt like to be out there on your own with nobody versus having folks in your corner. Tell us about that. So when I was on my own, I was stressed, overwhelmed.

a break like I couldn't breathe I couldn't I couldn't get it for years like I was underwater and I was trying and I was fighting to get up but I couldn't like no matter what I did every time I got one step forward I was pushed two steps back so when I have the support people like I have now like when I have a problem any inconvenience I call Amber that's the first person I call so now like when I got into her program and I had and I learned that I had people and I gained a relationship with all of them

to ask for help that what I was doing necessarily wasn't wrong that I just needed a little bit of help and it was okay to accept that help that it wasn't bad help it was good. Right and it's not your fault. Yeah. It's not your fault and a lot of folks tell me that they think that the community just doesn't really care.

And my experience has been they don't really know what to do. And then once they're confronted with it, like you said, your post got 900 shares. I mean, I remember seeing the post and figuring, heck is that? What is this? Because I'm very...

curious what this is and And so my experience has been it's not that the community doesn't care is that they don't know that's a big part of the reason for this podcast is to educate to tell people you know to help foster connect foster families to available resources, but also to build community around foster and adoptive families and also Point the community to say hey here are places and things where you're needed

But where...

These kiddos need somebody and this is a place where you can serve and help. So money is always big. the mentorship programs they can bring. Where do they bring the clothes? You can actually just message us and we will pick it up. So you can leave it right on your porch and we'll pick it up from you. And then another thing that we're really excited about launching this year is our program

for young mothers. when we first started this, didn't realize how big the statistics were for young ladies who've aged out of foster care. 70 % of them will be parenting by the age of 21. So that just adds to your struggles. so, you know, with so many of our girls, like, you know, we see it. And so we wanted to create a program. There's nowhere for them right now. So we wanted to create a program where we can help them with those baby supplies. And,

know things that they need diapers and formula and whatever just to support them while they're working on stability and supporting themselves. So we're actually going to be launching that in May and so the entire month of May we're going to be collecting baby items and we'll have like our Amazon wish list and stuff like that that we'll be sharing on our website and on our social media and then the last day of May, May 31st we're going to have like a community baby shower.

the central church of Christ and that will be like where you know people can if they want they prefer to bring their donation or if they just want to come live on us and you know live on our babies.

be a way for you know people to come and just celebrate the launch of this program with us. we kind of blew past that 70 percent. Seven out of ten girls by the age of 21 the age out will become...

Actually when I when I was pregnant I was looking for like a program that will take my baby and the closest one is in Dallas from here that is I think that is the only program in the state of Texas that you can take your baby to there with your baby like the other so program I was up before Ambers when I had

stay there. So like there's not places you can go with babies and you see how much people have babies. Like I'm pretty sure everybody that I've...

CPS with they're all moms everybody there's not one that I don't know that it hasn't had kids and most of them have like two or three and they're not even 21 so yeah so that's why I was so thankful for this program like I said and I was able to bring Kehlani that was the biggest thing for me was is my baby gonna be okay and yeah she's like I said she's more than okay she's a spoiled brat by Amber.

without fostering independence wherever you may be.

That's probably really scary to think about. Now that I'm thinking about that. I don't know where I am.

I'd probably be homeless and probably on the verge of losing her two CPS too. Yeah, because I don't know what the statistics are, a huge percentage of the girls who age out that get pregnant, their kids end up in foster care as well. And that's part of like, want to really help...

cycles you know yeah we're also like first time moms we didn't we just we're not even growing ourselves we don't know how to raise a kid so and this is my first baby and so I there's some times where when I came with them Kehlani was newborn still she was little I think about two three months maybe just turned three months old she was very very little when Amber had first when I first moved in and so I I didn't know what I was doing

Sometimes they didn't have any kind of example anyways. I know I didn't have that you know and so there was times where I called Amber like when she started to teeth or when she was constipated like what did you do for your kids like I was calling all the moms I hear like around me like people that I've met through Amber that are now like my support system that are moms to like one of our one of her workers from AmeriCorps I called her one day nothing

what helps you with teething because I don't know what I'm doing. She just won't stop screaming at me. And so she was able to help me with little hacks to help with teething. like I was very thankful because if it wasn't for Amber and the support that I have, I don't know where I would

that I have this place that I can take my baby and have her in. She is like, loves them to death. Like as soon as Amber walks in their door, if she doesn't pick her up and go straight to Kehlani, Kehlani will scream for her until she comes. yeah. So why would I not go straight Yeah, right? Yeah.

So did she get a placement pack? She did. did. She was telling me on the way here. said, wait a minute, what? Who is this? And so I was kind of explaining what you And I said, yeah, they give you this and this. I was like, wait a minute, you probably got it. came in the suitcase. She's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

still have that suitcase actually. Good. Good. Okay, so thank you guys so much for coming on. Guys, if you want more information, website one more time? Fosteringindependence.org. Okay, and social media? It is Fostering Independence. Yeah, so we're going Facebook we're Facebook and Instagram. Okay, alright. So, Jazlyn?

speak to...

Girl who's getting out? are you gonna? What are you gonna tell her? What's she? know exactly I'm gonna tell her Do not follow my mistakes and just leave CPS. Straight out. I want to tell her that there are people that can support her There's people that will love her and there's people that are here to help her so that she doesn't take after me and fail I want to set her up for success and not failure. I want to tell her that there's programs like Ambers I

I want to tell all of the CPS kids that have the girls that have babies and they are in a toxic relationship or if they don't know where to go after you know they're pregnant right now and they don't have anywhere to go reach out to us reach out find fostering independence and see what we can do for you because we can help you and your baby there is resources here in Amarillo for you

just set you up for success and not failure. Well, thank you guys again. Thank you so much Amber and Jazlyn for coming on and I really hope a lot of folks will listen to this episode. It'll drop, first episode drops April 15th, so it'll drop the Tuesday after that. I should have had this before.

So this episode will drop April 22nd at 10 in the morning.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming on. Thank you to our episode sponsor, I-40 First Medical. If you need urgent care, if you need PCP, check them out. are great. Next week we're gonna have Infinity Pharmacy on. They have a program that caters to foster families who have monthly meds like ADHD meds or depression meds or all the things. And they have a great, great resource. And so tune back in.

next week and we appreciate it. Thank you for tuning in to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Thank you guys. Thank you.