A Call Answered Raising My Granddaughter at 80 A Story of Faith and Fatherhood

Matt Darrah (00:00.782)

Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. This week's episode is sponsored by FTD Homes, where your dream home becomes a reality. Whether you're building your first home, your forever home, or anything in between, FTD Homes is committed to quality craftsmanship, honest communication, and a process that puts your family first. With customizable floor plans,

and a reputation for excellence across the Texas Panhandle, FTD Homes builds more than houses. They build places where families grow. Learn more at ftdhomes.com and let them help you find your way home. And I'll tell you, they had a house in the, did you go to the Parade of Homes? No. No, man. They had a house that they put together in that and it was just gorgeous. I mean, it was a beautiful, beautiful home. So they're great folks.

Stacey's in my BNI chapter and they're just great, great folks. So thank you for your sponsorship and welcome to John Abbott, my friend for a long time. A long time. A long time over, because you were, weren't you at, I mean, you were at Family Life when Nikki and I met and got married. So we celebrated 21 years in January and we dated for a couple years before then, so more than 20 years. I knew you before you got married. Yeah.

I was trying to do the math the other day and I was like, man, how long have I known John? And so yeah, it's been a long time. It's been a long time. has. You've grown up a lot. Well, I mean, I hope so. hope I'm a little better than I was in my early 20s because I was a mess. One of the things I remember about you is you came up to Janet and I and I was an elder, you know, and you came up and said,

Mr. Abbott, I want to cook you and your wife lunch or supper or something like that. And I thought, well, I have arrived. Finally, an elder is going to get a free meal. And I remember that. And that's been a long time ago. So today's episode, we're calling it A Call Answered, Raising My Granddaughter at 80, a story of faith and fatherhood. So, John.

Matt Darrah (02:24.265)

First of all, just kind of give us a little bit of who you are. Not necessarily specifics of Harper and all the things, but just... You grew up... Did you grow up here? I was born here back just after the Dead Sea got sick. Raised here. I was adopted. That's a strange thing. I was adopted at birth. I didn't know that. Yeah, most people don't. And my mother...

told me, would write me and she'd say, you're my little adopted son. adoption is not new to me. My mother also worked for the county as a houseparent. So I was involved in young kids up until I was 18 years old. I had seen parts of that, seen what

some of these kids came from. And I went on, got married, and got divorced, got married again, and got divorced. Got married now, it'll be 25 years in September.

Matt Darrah (03:40.526)

do a little preaching here and there. I've done a little bit of everything. I had my own business. my biggest thing for right now is not so much the past. The past is good to look back on and laugh at. my world, compared to your world at this stage of life, is new every day.

It's every day. I got married to a lady that I said I'd never marry, the reason being she had two kids. And God literally blinded me to those two kids in her age. And so I married a younger lady. She had a son and a daughter. And they grew up, got married. We've got two grandkids there. And Janet had two kids.

And the girl got married as the grandkids, and her son went about his way. That's the only way I know to put that. And life was OK. We just diddly bopped around. I've been to four or five different churches. Well, as you know, I've preached with Brother Anthony. I worked with him for years. So I would say I have a light.

Christian background. I'm not going to say heavy because God's work's not heavy. It's not a burden. But that's about it. That's about my life altogether, except October 21st, 19…or 2021. So, yeah, tell us a story. Tell us a story. What happens? My wife's son…

and a young lady had a child.

Matt Darrah (05:47.244)

The mother called, or the son called my wife and said, you're gonna be a grandma. And so her and her son got together and they talked a little bit. They've never had a good relationship. But the mother would bring the infant over to the house. Just, I think part of it was for her to get a break. And the other part was for us to develop a relationship.

and fell in love with this little blue-eyed blonde. And you've got to watch out for them blue eyes. She stayed one evening with us. And I really did that, did it, know. Rocking and all this. it's easy to do that. Yeah, the grandparent part's the fun part. yeah. And I thought, boy, I got this made. I've got Janet and I together.

All combined, we've got seven grandkids, we've got six great grandkids, and two great, great grandkids. Holy smokes. think that's right now. So, little Harper came over and we got to know her. One evening, my wife and I were sitting around the coffee table and I told her, said, you know what's gonna happen? She said, what? And I said,

they're gonna lose that little girl. Something's gonna happen and she's gonna wind up in CPS. And you and I need to get on the same page as to what are we gonna do because they're gonna ask us. And I talked to Janet and said, well, what do you think? And I said, no, I can't do it. I'm too old. I was 78.

Maybe 79, I can't keep those straight. But, and my wife was 60, I guess. And she said, I'm the same way, she's still working full time and I'm retired. And so that nipped that in the bud, we were in peace, know, okay, go on. We'd enjoy the kid and this, that and the other. And then the world changed.

Matt Darrah (08:06.925)

And on October 21st, 2021, I think, I may have those wrong. Yeah, I do have. was October the 21st, 2022. Got a phone call from CPS. And the mother had called her mother to call us to see if we could come get the baby.

And we had already said, no way, Jose, this ain't happening. I'm too old. I'm not messing with them diapers. so Janet was on the phone. She looked at me and she said, well, what do you think? And I thought, we've already discussed this. She put me on the spot. I'm going be the bad guy. And about that time, things got real quiet. And I'm sitting on my knees.

and God does his thing, he reached and touched me on the back. And forgive me, I get real emotional. He said, do whatever she wants. I've got your back. And I told her, said, whatever you want, I'm in. And what did I ever do?

The rest of the story is basically, think, what we're going to talk about. What we went through, our prayer was for Baby Harper's mother to get clean, get right, and take her child. And then we could visit his grandparents. We could do all of the things that grandparents do. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a difference in grandparents and teeth.

parents.

Matt Darrah (10:09.611)

We messed around, messed around. We went and got her. We didn't have any diapers. We didn't have any place for her sleep. We didn't have a bottle. We had nothing. Yeah, yeah. And you got a phone call. I did. I get this phone call saying, John Abbott's got a little one. And I'm like, that can't be the same John Abbott. John is, John's too old for that. There's no frigging way that's John Abbott. And so I'm calling and he's like, hey, Matt. I'm like.

my god!

Well, that was the kind of fun part of it. So before we could pick this little baby girl up, we had to have a car seat. We hadn't had a car seat in our house in 20 years. No doubt. so Janet knew one of the ladies at church, and she called her, do you have an extra car? And anyway, went and got a car seat. And then Janet ran, come got me, and we went down.

and they bring this little girl out that we had seen before.

Matt Darrah (11:20.361)

And she was just crying. She had a red rash that was blood red.

And they said, you got to do this, you got to do that. And we said, OK. So they handed us a diaper. And that's all. We had one diaper, and she had a bottle. And that's it. And this is at 8 o'clock at night. And we're going crazy. We don't know what we're doing to start with. Well, we never have. So that started it. Then we got names, and we got this, and we got that.

we got home and they said, well, you're going to have a inspection. Do what? Yeah. You can't, you can't have this. You can't have that. And you can't this that mother. And I said, would you at least give us 24 hours? Right. You know, and so we jump cause I have guns and I'm jumping up. got to have them over here and over there and this over there and that up there and, just the different things.

protection on the cabinets, know? So all this pressure at one time, all we wanna do is just take care of this little girl.

It all started to work. It was a hard trip because too many hoops to jump through, too many things to be truthful with you that I never knew anything about. The process of adoption, the rules, the regulations, you can't do this, you can't do that. Some of that was the staples that I was raised on, the paddle and...

Matt Darrah (13:09.901)

And some of that. And you can't do that. I'm like, I don't know. But we made it through that first night. And things started to come together. And then we got a care package. And this person called, and that one called.

And was really hard because I was old school. You don't tell me how to raise a kid. That ain't gonna happen. God started working on me.

he started chiseling away at my heart. And the question came back every time that it got rough. What do you want her or not? I can give her to a total stranger. I'm sorry that crap ain't happening. So for me and Janet both, we're not doing this so much for us as we are

glorify God because I couldn't do this without God. Every time I'd get in a tight spot, which is every 30 minutes, change a diaper or whatever.

things get tough. And I'm like, I can't do this Lord. I can't handle it. But his presence and his anointing on me to seek him first has been the biggest key. And it is to this day. And we got her and we decided that we'd do whatever it took to take care of her until her mother...

Matt Darrah (15:01.847)

could get clean and come back and get her. Well, that part didn't happen.

They asked us if we wanted to adopt. And we said, yeah. Well, the rules changed again. We had to have a license hanging on the wall. We had to do this. We had to do that. We were not a home. We were a pit stop station for everybody to come and check on this little girl and then walk out. But in the process, God taught Janet and I a few things.

First off, he taught us that he can do any of it. He can handle

Here we are now at 80. She's fully adopted. She's fully ours.

January the 24th was a year that we've had her legally ours And a few things changed. Some of the rules changed. But God's present hasn't changed. Janet and I, neither one are perfect. And we have, I had an elder at a church I was going to, and he told me, he said, you're too old, you can't do that job.

Matt Darrah (16:26.477)

And I said, now you tell me. You for you wasn't older than me when you heard about this, but.

I tell all my friends.

Matt Darrah (16:39.575)

You're never too old. You're never too old to take care of kids. I don't care. Yeah, you can have a bad hip. I've got both knees replaced. I've had a pacemaker. I've had a watchman. I've got COPD. I've got everything you can think of and then some. And praise God, I'm just blowing and going. There you go.

But it's because of His grace, His plan for her, not for me. This whole adoption thing's not about John Abbott, which is a change. You know me well enough, it's always been about John Abbott. But this little girl is mine. I mean, she's mine. You can say blood and water and paper and pen, but...

God gave her to Janet and I. She is my goal in life. She's my, just about everything next to my wife. And I couldn't do this without my wife. And she lets me know right quick when I'm not doing Yeah, they do real good at that, don't they? Yeah. But I guess one of the things I'd really like to say is, if you're elderly, if you're...

getting up there in years, you know, you're 61, 62, 65, and you're fixing to retire and you're not going to do anything. That's great. That's great. It's a lot of fun. But if you want to learn something about life and about yourself, check in on kids. There's thousands of them out there. They come in every size, every shape.

Is it easy? No. Is it a blessing? I'm sitting here talking to you. Sometimes. Yeah. Well, there's sometimes I'm going, what did I do? Okay, Lord, the joke's over now. But yeah, that's basically it. Yeah. You said a little while ago before we started recording that she saved your life. Yeah. I'd had health issues. And...

Matt Darrah (19:02.625)

I've had a couple of stints and I told you about some of it. And I thought I was doing pretty good, but I wasn't. I got caught in a trap and it's out there for every man and every woman. I wouldn't do anything. I was mowing the yard and I wasn't taking care of that, but I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't eating right, I wasn't exercising. Still don't do that, but it's better.

I got up to 220 pounds and I was having issues picking up the baby. It's okay if they're just there for an hour or two. when God brought her and put her in our lives, it changed my life to where now I'm not in the shape I'd like to be, but now I can pick her up, I can run about...

three steps, but my whole attitude of life is different. I'm not sitting around now going, well, well, well, I wonder when I'm going to die. Is it next year? God, what do you got planned? We get in that trap the older we get. that hurts too bad, so I can't do that. No, I can't make that long trip. I can't change a diaper. Yes, you can.

Yes, you can. If you open your heart up to God and let God change that diaper. So she saved my life because we're three years in this, so I would have been 77 and I'm knocking 81. And is it easy? No. Do I have problems? Yeah.

I'm using a wore-out vehicle, and they don't make replacement parts. But in that, God can use anything. if you, well, you know me, you've seen me. I've always been out going blah, blah, blah on this. Well, I became a recluse. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to do nothing. Now let's go. Come on, little one, let's go. Now, you want to go in here and see this? Let's go see things that I

Matt Darrah (21:26.613)

never ever thought I would do with a kid. So that's how she saved my life through God. You know, we want to think, you know, like you said, I'm too old for this or I can't do that. That's too hard. This is whatever. But when God calls you to do something... He'll see you through it, that's for sure. Yeah. mean, you know, when...

When the kids came the second time, were, you know, Alexis was getting married in three months. And so we were kind of looking forward to some... Quiet time. Quiet time. empty-nesters type stuff. And all of a sudden we got these three babies. You know, and that's been over 11 years ago. And like I say, it's not easy. You're dealing with a broken system with kids that have been through hell.

And so, there's none of it that's easy. And yet, God weaves His way through and works things out. And, you know, we abide in the promise that He works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And so, while none of it's easy, it's doable if you have the right support.

If you let God break your heart for what breaks his, and I can only imagine what he thinks about all these kids and the people that turn it down and the people that take it for the wrong reason. I came here for one purpose today, one thought in my mind, and it was not...

Look at me, I'm 80, I can do this.

Matt Darrah (23:30.156)

It's about the glory of God. What He can equip you to do in the darkest moments of your life. And sometimes, and you know, you've raised the kids, it gets dark and it's like, just want to run away. I can't take them back. I mean, that's always there because that's the nature that Satan wants to project.

But everything we do with that little girl is done by grace. And I hope and pray that it's to glorify God, not John Abbott. Yeah. Yeah, mean, you know, speak to that mindset that a lot of folks will say, you know, I could never do that because I could never, you know, either, you know, how can you do that because you

you couldn't love them fully if they were going to go home or if they were this or that, you know.

Some of it I do understand.

human nature is, they're our kids, they're mine. And we forget, even if they're birthed by us, we forget they're not ours. God gave us those kids for a reason and a purpose. So you have to look at those people that say they can't do it. It's not they can't do it, it's they don't want to do it.

Matt Darrah (25:11.777)

because it interferes in their life. And they see that. Janet and I don't get to go to places we like to go as much as we want to now. But for those people that say, can't do it, I couldn't give it up, well, did your mom pass away? Did your daddy die? Have you had other deaths? You're still living, you're still trucking.

You still loved them, but they're gone. But we don't look at that. We look at today. Today, I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. It's all about me. When you turn it loose to God and give him the credit for everything that goes on, it gets a little bit easier.

But where's the challenge of sitting on your backside, twiddling your thumbs and saying, I can't do that. Well, you're right. Because you won't.

It's hard to explain sometimes. I've got all these grandkids and all these great grandkids and great great I think. My wife will tell me I'm different when we get through. But I've got all of those.

Matt Darrah (26:36.877)

And I'm not as close to all of those as I am to this stranger that's in our house. She's not a stranger now. And the family sees it. All of a sudden, Daddy or Papa John is not Papa John anymore. He's Dada. And it's hard for them to grasp partially, but the whole family, in-laws and out-laws.

has picked up. Now, Harper is my oldest daughter's sister. And just things like that are that you can have fun with in that situation. it's great. mean, what else would an 80-year-old dude be doing? His wife works. I'm too old to ride the motorcycle anymore.

And I'm not going out and get a job. now have a full-time job. You're dang right. Yeah, taking care of kiddos is a full-time gig for sure.

Yeah, so I mean, you know, they talk a lot about folks that when they retire, if they don't go out and do something, they're just going to wither away. Right. Right. And so, I mean, I delivered a placement package to a lady, I don't know, a couple of weeks ago, and she's 70, and she took in her nine month old grandson, and she's like, I just don't know. mean, I'm a...

I mean, I'm 70 and now I got this little nine month old. I don't know how I'm gonna make this work. As a matter of fact, I was like, well, a buddy of mine's 80 and he's adopted his granddaughter and she's four. And so, I mean, it is hard, but I do think that there are folks that are out there that really could, but...

Matt Darrah (28:47.713)

You know, but maybe they think they're too old. I could never do that. I mean, I'm just too old or whatever. And maybe they'll see your story and be like, you know, we got those extra couple rooms from when the kids lived here and let's fill them up. live life a little bit. One of the things that I've got

that helps me more than just about anything is I have a friend of mine. He's 77 and he's my prayer partner. I mean, I can pick the phone up. He's Little Harper's Unc. You know, so he's been through everything we've went through. But the point I'm getting at is...

Matt Darrah (29:39.886)

I have to lean on him a lot. Now, I don't lean on him to come over and change diapers. I don't lean on him to come mow the yard or any of those things. I lean on him praying with me. And I can call him and I can say blankety, blank, blank, and blank, blank, blank, and this and that. And I don't believe these things. want to know.

He's a man of God, and He'll just sit there and let me ramble, and then He'll cut me to pieces. He'll say, God gave it to you, and all you gotta do is go through it. consider that. If you've already are trying to get placed or trying to adopt, and you don't know what you're doing, find a prayer partner and just dump. Vomit it out.

They're not going to thank any less of you. And if they do, they ain't your friend to start with. But our whole community, the church we were going to at that time, we couldn't have asked for anything any better. The church loved this little girl from day one, and that's the way we should be. So find a prayer partner. Talk to people about it.

but be open to listen to that voice that says, I've got your back. And if he's got your back, it still ain't easy. But it's manageable. The first time we got the boys, when they were one and three, both Jaz and Lex were both in their teenage years, we had this little 1,200 square foot house.

And was working two jobs and then leading worship and doing a youth program on Sundays, and we were broke. Oh my gosh, we were so broke. And I didn't know how was going to feed these kids, let alone anything else, because we were just trying to make it where we were at financially. And I prayed Saturday morning, so we got them on a Thursday night, and I'm praying Saturday morning, and I'm like, Lord, if You're really calling me to do this, I need You to make it.

Matt Darrah (32:06.025)

abundantly clear. And so, I was doing a reading plan. Next book on my list was James. So I get down to verse 27, he's like, to care for widows and orphans is his true religion. I was like, okay. Okay, that's not all you can say. I was like, okay, you're calling us to do this. Yeah. James is my favorite book. Mine too. It touches all our life.

But you know, we're called as parents of a family to take care of our kids, just like you're.

But so many of us are too busy. I don't want to do that. I'm going to take a cruise to Alaska. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But what about that kid that Aunt so-and-so's got down the road that you know is having trouble, and the main trouble is Aunt so-and-so? Would you take that kid and lead it? Nurture it to become maybe?

the next Billy Graham, or whatever, whatever God's got laid down. But we're too busy, we're too greedy, and society tells us, no, that's it. Do what feels good for you. But as you know, you can't have any better feeling in love than to have a three-year-old girl, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, run up to you and go,

Daddy, give me a hug. I'll tell you what, the whole world goes away. Yeah, right. And these people that don't want to do it and can't do it, they miss so much love. It's just crazy. You and you don't do it for yourself, right? But there is a blessing. mean, when we serve in the way that we're called to serve,

Matt Darrah (34:12.045)

You know, I got kind of cross ways. I was in a Bible study one time and James 127, the guy that's leading the sermon opens up and he says, all right, today we're going to be in James 126-27. I was like, this my verse. Right? This is after I've started this organization. That's our guiding verse. And the first thing that he says, well, the text says, widows and orphans.

But we could really just make that women and children. I was like, no, you can't. That's not what it says. That is not what it says. And so he says, you know, why do y'all think we should just help women and children? And this lady in the back goes, well, it just makes you feel so good. And I was like, OK. So we just...

serve God because it makes us feel good. Like, I think there's a problem there, you know? Yeah. Nikki's hitting me under the table like, shut up, be quiet, you're going get us thrown down. But there is a blessing involved in it, right? We don't do it because of the blessing, but we do be, we are blessed.

God says in His Word that He'll take care of us. He'll see us through. It says His burden's light. And it is light. We make it heavy because we want to add everything to it. I got to be this. I got to be that. I struggle with being out with my daughter and not being able to move as fast as others and some of the other things that go along with it.

But we didn't do it to be patted on the back and saying, you two, y'all are so blah, blah, blah. No, we're not. We're human beings that love God and want this little girl to have the legacy, not of who we were, but of who she is in God. Her legacy is going to be God.

Matt Darrah (36:28.651)

because we fall short, way short, and that's okay. That's okay because then we go back to the source and we can start over. So, yeah, I get on the preaching side there. I mean, that's why we're here. We're here to talk. You know, sometimes we have conversations that are really heavy and difficult on here, and then sometimes we just...

What we're talking about is tough stuff. you know, when we rely on the Lord to guide us, lead, guide, and direct us, is what I say all the time, lead, guide, and direct us, because

if we do rest in Him and follow after Him, that doesn't mean that the journey is easy. But there is comfort in knowing that God's in control, ultimately. I've been known the last six, eight, ten years as the Elder of Joy because

99 % of the time I'm joyful and they want to know why. Well, that joy of the knowledge of Christ is in me. Doesn't mean I'm perfect. Doesn't mean that the storms aren't bad. Doesn't mean I don't get hurt. It just means my joy is in the knowledge of Jesus. Not what he's doing for me, but what he's done for me.

People get that joy mixed up with emotions. Janet and I have had a couple of battles, can imagine, a couple of generations apart. Now we've got a kid, and I don't agree with the way she raises kids. You know she's behind me 100%. But those fights, those arguments are part of life.

Matt Darrah (38:48.331)

When you can go into an argument and fuss and not get violent, or maybe you get loud, and you can still smile at that person across and say, you know, I truly love you. And when you're saying it, you got a grin on your face because the joy of Christ is in you. It changes the whole ballgame. Janet and I, we have separate duties.

I'm the 730 to 5 and she's the 6 o'clock to 9. And that's okay. But we have corrected each other. I don't believe that's way you should do that. Don't you think you're getting a little bit upset? And I hate it when that happens. Not because she's right.

But because I still haven't got it yet. But that joy has seen us through all of this. Yeah, no doubt. So what's the hardest, you think, part of the last few years?

Matt Darrah (40:09.705)

She doesn't have an answer for That's our friendly spirit.

The hardest part.

is not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to react to a three-year-old that may have a HPDQ or whatever. I don't understand all of those.

But that's the hard part when you don't know what to do or you can't.

control the situation. And you know you're right, and you know you're doing things right, but it's not working. That is the hardest part because you want this little girl to prosper, to grow, and she loves Jesus, she prays and all, but she can be a pain in the backside. I mean, she won't listen, you know, and it's like, I want to clean your ears out.

Matt Darrah (41:17.985)

That and it naturally, with the generational gap between me and my wife, it naturally causes a little flux because she was raised up a little different than I am. And I have a hard time accepting, you know what? Well, what do you do? That's really the hardest part because

There's no book out there that tells you if a kid looks up at you and says, no daddy and stomps her feet, my generation, your backside's gonna get warmed up. My wife's generation is partially there, but hers is sit down and talk. And then when the talking doesn't do any good, where do you go? Those type things are what's tough.

The rest of it is not bad, not bad. My biggest fear of the whole picture is that.

I will fail God in doing what He called me to do and told me to do. That's my biggest fear. And it's tough. Because they look at you like, go into a grocery store and you got a little girl and you're pushing her in your is that your? First off, they think it's a boy because she's got short hair.

that's a good looking boy. It ain't a boy, it's a girl. And that sets you up, you know, and you're, is that your great grandkid? No. And they really look at you funny, man, when I go, that's my daughter. That's right. And she is. The law says so. Yeah, see. So there's good times. Yeah, for sure. But definitely some tough ones too.

Matt Darrah (43:26.253)

And like you say, the scenario that she was in was initially not conducive to normal, if that's the thing. And so as she grows and develops, she's going to have challenges and things like that. that's part of the reason for the podcast is to point families to resources that are out there to help them navigate all the complexities where...

the series that's on right now is a five-part series on trauma, to better understand trauma itself and then Bust some myths the episode that came out today, was, you know, they used to say, well, you it's all how you were raised, right? And then they said, well, no, it's really just your genes. If you've got this gene, you're just gonna be like that. And the reality is it's a mixture.

We have predispositions to some things based on our genetic history, but there's also nature and the environment that we grow up in plays a big part too. so, you know, the whole point, one of the main reasons for this podcast is to connect foster and adoptive families with resources that are out there because there's a ton of them.

Yeah. And folks just don't know about them. I have learned personally since I've started this podcast about resources that we've utilized that we didn't know existed. so, you know, so that's, you know, you're going to run into things like that. you're going to, you know, because of her history, there's challenges that you're going to face. And then, but you're,

you're going to be faithful and you're going to follow what God calls you to do. The biggest piece of advice.

Matt Darrah (45:35.191)

that I think I could ever give somebody that was considering.

Adoption's a lot different than fostering. And either one of them, the biggest advice is look at everything. Find out everything you can about orphan care, all of those programs. Go to them, get involved in them, visit with the people. Because you can build a mountain out there and you can be on top of it.

and fall flat on your face because you don't have any help. That's right. And when we don't have help or people we can at least call and say, you you got a baby bed. And I mean, that sounds pretty simple, but it's truth. That's traumatic. So call. Check it out. Call up here. He'll give you the information that he's got.

Take that information and wad it up and throw it in the trash and trust yourself. No, you better not because you're going to wind up with a black eye. Get help at the beginning. Don't wait until it's dark 30 to try to get help. Get help. Stay involved if you're in church. Stay involved in your local church.

If you're not in church, I highly recommend it. Get involved. Churches have an awful lot of programs and a lot of material and a lot of places they can send you that the average person doesn't know, doesn't have a clue. I didn't know anything about these podcasts. What's a podcast? Everybody looks at me like, well,

Matt Darrah (47:32.194)

You're out of touch." I said, well, I have been for 40 years. But yeah, that information is key. Well, yeah, in the community, Between half and two thirds of foster families quit within the first year because they don't feel supported by their community. And what I've found a lot of times is that the community just doesn't know what to do, so they really don't do anything. But once they find out that

These are the things that you can do. You can volunteer with us. You can be a CASA. You can do this. You can do that. so getting connected to supporting families is huge, and that will help families continue to do the things that you're doing, because it is hard. mean, it's a hard and lonely journey. And if you don't surround yourself with folks that

that understand you're not gonna make it. And that person that's watching and listening saying, well, I can't handle the kids. Okay, that's fine. If you can't and you know you can't, then don't. But you can help that family that you know that's down the street that adopted 15 kids. If you don't do anything but knock on the door and say, hey.

We had some extra milk or whatever. said, us that have kids, we're not proud. You want to be a gallon of milk? Come on in. Come on in. But help them. Go down and say hi. Can you come outside and visit for a few minutes? Or take them diapers or anything. Biggest part of it's communicating with them. There's nobody there. I'm at home. Well, I do some running.

when she's in daycare. But before then, mine was 24-7. And now I'm not saying, look at me. My wife doesn't do anything. My wife does plenty. She takes care of that girl as much as I do. But she has her work, which has people. The hardest thing about adoption or foster care is

Matt Darrah (49:59.01)

No people, no conversation. You've got three rugrats running around here and they take all your time. And by the time daddy gets home, I'm ready for bed. You know, I'm all out. So I found that out early.

somebody visiting, even if it's just a phone call and you get five minutes, it's like a breath of fresh air. Because it's a 48 hours a day job. Yeah. It's tough, but it is good. so foster care doesn't look the same with everybody. Sometimes it's a young couple that has tried every way that they can to get pregnant and they

And then there's just folks that say, listen, I don't want to adopt. I just want to provide a safe and stable loving home until they can get to where they need to go. And sometimes it's calling on your grandpa to adopt your daughter at 80 years old. My mother raised kids for the county. we got a little boy. The rules and all are so much different from then. We got a little boy who's probably

Six months, well, he might have been a year and a half old. And he was malnutritioned and just about as big as a pencil and not very healthy. My mother took him in when some of the others wouldn't. And she did something that they never heard of before. She kept him for 13 years. my dad was older than I am now.

and he wouldn't adopt him. But the point in that is, wow, 13 years old, when they put his name and picture on a television station down around Houston and found a couple that the daddy looked just like the son, and they adopted him.

Matt Darrah (52:15.469)

Your work is never done. And I know that's probably off course, you think about that. I don't know how old mother was when she finally quit, but took this kid for 13 years. And in that she loved him. She taught him that one day your mom and dad will come to the door and you get to go too. Because he had seen kid after kid either get adopted

or placed back at home. So I don't even remember where I was going with that, but it's never too hard, but it's never too easy. It's a God thing, man. That's all there is to it. Yeah, 100%. I do. I believe it.

Well, John, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and sharing about Little Harper and sharing about being 80 years old and having a four-year-old, three-year-old granddaughter. so I just appreciate you coming on, John. Thanks so much. Thank you. When you said something about this, thought, podcast, what's that? And I asked my wife, said, what do you think? She said, just don't talk too much. And I don't.

You know, I'm quiet. But the reason I came here, the whole reason was you're a friend of mine and you need information and you need people. And I've got that information and I could give it and I could share it not about me, but it's about Harper and what God does. That's right. I hate to do that, but... No, you're good. I know you got to get...

Well, again, one more time, thanks to FTD Homes. Thank you, Stacey. check them out FTDhomes.com. we've got Trade Wars as our annual fundraiser. It's coming up in October. I'll put a link down in the show notes if you're interested in putting a team together, doing a sponsorship, things like that. And so thanks for tuning in. We'll catch you next week. Thanks, John. Thank you.