Finding Identity Through Adversity With Jeffrey Badders
- 2 days ago
- 25 min read
Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Guys, we've got a great guest ⁓ that I'm excited to talk to today, and we'll get to Jeffrey here in just a second. But before we do, this episode is brought to you by Goosehead Insurance. Allison Link is your trusted partner in protecting what matters most. Whether you're buying a home, insuring a car, or safeguarding your family's future, Allison and her team make insurance simple and personal.
They work with dozens of A-rated companies to find coverage tailored to your needs, quickly and competitively. Because peace of mind should never be complicated. Visit Allison and her team in Amarillo or go to goosehead.com to get a quote today and see how easy good coverage can be. And guys, I say this most every week, ⁓ but Allison is a friend and a great agent. She actually handles our insurance and so,
If you need insurance, check her out. She's very responsive, very fast to get quotes back and things like that. So if you need her, check out Goosehead Insurance ⁓ or Goosehead.com. our guest today is a gentleman named Jeffrey Batters. And Jeffrey ⁓ has a powerful, powerful story to share. so, Jeffrey, I want to say thank you for ⁓ being willing to come on here and share. ⁓
Inspiringhearts4ever (01:09)
you
Matt Darrah (01:28)
you share your story that's, you know, it's, there's challenging pieces to it, but there's also hope in it, Yeah. So, ⁓ we wanna have, you ⁓ know, some dignity and things in talking about your story. And so, ⁓ you know, it's an experience that a lot of folks have. And so,
Inspiringhearts4ever (01:36)
Yes, definitely. Thank you.
Matt Darrah (01:55)
⁓ So I'm grateful that you're willing to step out and kind of share your story with us. ⁓ So before we kind of get into the tougher parts of things, just who are you today? What are you doing now? And what does your life look like now?
Inspiringhearts4ever (02:13)
Well, right now I've been working in hospice and nursing for 36 years. It's not a job to me. It's my passion for people. And I just got married last year. I was married at 18. It didn't last very long. And then I just got married. So I'm very happy with that. And I'm just being me.
Matt Darrah (02:27)
Awesome.
the
Yeah, very good. So what is it that kind of drew you to work in the hospice arena?
Inspiringhearts4ever (02:49)
Well, I like working with people and my whole philosophy in life was to give back to the generations that brought me here and to plant a positive seed in a person's heart, mind and soul so that seed of love will continue to grow within themselves.
Matt Darrah (03:08)
Yeah, I love that. That's good. You said it's not a job but a passion. What is caring for these folks at the latter stage of their life? What does that teach you just about life and about living?
Inspiringhearts4ever (03:25)
Life isn't about being perfect.
well-educated.
or popular. Life is about experiences, lessons and memories, being real and kind-hearted.
Matt Darrah (03:42)
I like that. Being real and kind-hearted. So do you think that your ⁓ early life kind of shaped your ability to sit with these folks as they're, know, because if you're in hospice, your chances are you're in pain.
Inspiringhearts4ever (04:01)
Definitely. The thing about it is not everybody. Everybody has special gifts. I believe everybody has a special unique gift to offer to this world in their own unique way and I accept them for who they are.
Working in hospice is a little bit different. You you're taking care of someone, you don't even know them, and I always treat them as a family, because I never had a family.
Matt Darrah (04:27)
So let's talk about that. You were ⁓ placed in foster care at birth, right?
Inspiringhearts4ever (04:29)
Choo choo! Choo choo!
That is correct.
Matt Darrah (04:37)
Well, so and what was, and then you, I think you said you went to 10 different foster homes throughout that time, wow.
Inspiringhearts4ever (04:44)
That is correct.
different
religions and different cultures.
Matt Darrah (04:50)
⁓ Wow, 10 different. So then, say that again.
Inspiringhearts4ever (04:53)
Different beliefs. Yeah, pardon
me. Ten foster homes, different beliefs and different cultures and religions. Yeah.
Matt Darrah (05:02)
Mm, sure. Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. What do you remember most about kind of bouncing all over the place? I mean, what is that like for you?
Inspiringhearts4ever (05:15)
It was like a lost identity and I didn't, I didn't know myself and my foster parents were very abusive and they said that they loved me, but they would abuse me. so then throughout my life, I told myself, you know, love is an illusion of the mind. So that's why my relationships were really bad at the time because I thought, you can love them for one minute and then that's it. Then you move on.
Matt Darrah (05:35)
Mmm.
Right.
Inspiringhearts4ever (05:45)
And that was, that was a big struggle during my teen years. Cause I was trying to find an identity, but I can never find myself and people don't realize it's you versus you. Someone has to die here. You know, the good person wants to stay, but then there's that, that, that old person.
Matt Darrah (05:52)
Right?
Mmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (06:14)
that wants to stay too. Someone has to die. So that's what it felt like.
Matt Darrah (06:20)
Yeah. And so were there moments that were safe and good or was it just constant chaos?
Inspiringhearts4ever (06:36)
There's a saying that, you know, when you, when you go through life that yesterday was history, today's a mystery.
Matt Darrah (06:42)
Mm.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (06:46)
And today is a gift.
and I just always prayed at night.
kneeled down in front of God and always prayed and just wanted to get through this. ⁓ At the age of eight, I... ⁓
It was to the point where I wanted to take my life. was in a two story, excuse me. I was in a two story farmhouse, 20 miles from town. And my foster mother was a stripper because back in those days, they didn't really look at the resume. They just, if they would take the kid, that was, that was it. You know, they made money. And I'll never forget they had
Matt Darrah (07:19)
Right.
Inspiringhearts4ever (07:30)
There was a barn and there's a light and every night they they locked me up in a dark room at that age and I always liked to write and I had a lead pencil and I wrote on a Sears Robux magazine. That's all I had paper up there and it was and I was upstairs. So in the middle of the night they would come and beat me with the belt and crazy stuff. It was crazy. But the thing is.
Matt Darrah (07:36)
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (07:57)
I kept praying to God and one day I walked over to the window and I saw the light from the barn. I opened up the window, was going to jump out and something told me to come back and kneel one more time and pray. I did that and some angels wrapped their wings around me and my whole life changed. I see spirits, I feel patient's pain, I feel spirits, I speak in tongues, ⁓ I do astral projecting.
Matt Darrah (08:16)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (08:26)
⁓ But I didn't like that gift at eight years old. So I rebelled until my teen. And then when I was in my accident, being in a car accident, going through the windshield and landed under a bridge, that's where I told God, I'll take the gift. from there, I just went on and started helping people.
Matt Darrah (08:47)
What was the, you know, in all these different homes and in abusive situations, what do you think was the toughest part?
Inspiringhearts4ever (08:59)
toughest part is to know what's going to happen next. You you don't know what's going to happen next. It was like, you didn't think about family. You had to think about yourself. If no one's going to believe in you, you got to believe in yourself and no one's going to invest in you. You got to believe in yourself and you always got to show up. And that's what I did.
Matt Darrah (09:23)
And yeah, you know, we all need connection. I say this on the podcast so often, and we need connection and community. ⁓ And so, you know, when you don't have that ⁓ just day in and day out, that is just, man, it's brutal.
Inspiringhearts4ever (09:44)
This is what the world needs. First of all, you have to have courage to speak to someone. You have to have compassion. And from compassion, you get the connection.
Matt Darrah (09:51)
Mm.
Mmm. Yeah.
Wow. What do you think this instability, growing up, what do you think that does to your sense of worth and belonging?
Inspiringhearts4ever (10:12)
First of all, when you're alone, you know your weaknesses and your strengths.
Matt Darrah (10:17)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (10:18)
I don't make decisions on emotions. I make decisions on my mind and the resources I have in life.
Matt Darrah (10:26)
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (10:28)
And that's how I made it. Life has always been common sense from the beginning. It will be common sense in the end. And I just use reverse psychology. Everything that has happened to me bad, I said, I'm going to change my attitude, my direction, my motivation, and have more self-confidence in myself. Because no one's going to save you. God has saved you, but no one else is going to save you. You have to save yourself.
Matt Darrah (10:43)
Mm.
Yeah.
So, you know, there's a quiet grief that a lot of kiddos in foster care face where they end up at 18, they've not been adopted, so they age out of foster care, and they don't have anybody. What was it like to...
man, wish that somebody would adopt you and then not be chosen.
Inspiringhearts4ever (11:28)
I told myself that...
I'm just going to just go forward and don't look back. And you know what? I forgave my parents. And I forgave the people who hurt me. I forgave myself. And I apologize for the people I hurt. And I just moved forward. It was like...
I had to do it. No one was going to save me. No one really loved me. So I invest more time of the presence instead of the past. So I had to keep moving forward with that presence.
Matt Darrah (12:08)
Mm.
Yeah.
Just keep moving forward.
Inspiringhearts4ever (12:15)
Yes.
Matt Darrah (12:16)
What do you want foster parents in the community to understand about that longing to be chosen, to be adopted, to become someone's son or daughter?
Inspiringhearts4ever (12:28)
You need to understand that.
Everybody's different.
God made a fingerprint and it's a different imprint of everyone else.
Matt Darrah (12:38)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (12:38)
And.
You know, as a foster child, you're lost. And we're trying to find our identity. They need to make sure that they find their identity too, because...
The only reason why I was brought on this earth was to inspire, encourage, empower, enlighten people's souls and break that curse of my generations.
Matt Darrah (13:04)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (13:05)
And that's basically the reason why I'm here. I know why it was. Because when you're a bandit like that.
Matt Darrah (13:08)
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (13:13)
Those are the goats. People like that are the goats. When the family doesn't want you or anything, they don't come look for you, you're the goat. You're the one that can handle. I took adversity, applied it with action, responsibility, and then I took accountability of the actions and decisions I made in my life. That's how I made it.
Matt Darrah (13:42)
Yeah, taking responsibility and moving forward. Choosing to...
put the past behind you and look forward and take responsibility for your life and not being the victim and saying, can't do this, nobody wanted me, I don't care, it's all everybody else's fault. And not that there isn't, because there is, there is blame, right? mean, there are,
consequences and things like that. But in and of ourselves, we do, we have to say, okay, I'm going to find healing and I'm going to move forward and I'm going to get better and I'm going to overcome, you know?
Inspiringhearts4ever (14:44)
I learned this, that if you're going to play victim, you're enslaving bad habits.
Matt Darrah (14:52)
Mmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (14:53)
You need to have King's habits. I took myself as a, we'll say as a follower with no identity or direction in my life. I wanted to be accepted back when I was a teen. And I told myself, use reverse psychology and do the opposite. Become a leader.
Matt Darrah (14:55)
You're like.
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (15:18)
of your habits instead of being enslaved as a victim. And, and, and that's how I, I've done it because I looked back and what that everybody has a blueprint. When you first start out, your legacy begins when you're first born. That's when, that's when this whole legacy starts. And I've always learned that, you know, you are the author and you have the ink.
Matt Darrah (15:21)
Mm.
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (15:46)
write the story and no one's going to wait on you. You're living it. But the thing is you have to have courage.
Matt Darrah (15:47)
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (15:54)
to tell a story. You have to have courage to live that story and you have to have courage to be a survivor in that story.
Matt Darrah (15:56)
Yeah.
Right. Yeah.
So you said by 16 you were using drugs and alcohol. Looking back, what do you think you were trying to do? Were you just trying to be numb and just not feel? What was that like?
Inspiringhearts4ever (16:24)
At 16, I was a follower. No direction, no motivation. Didn't care about anybody. It was like a movie. I was in a movie. didn't, I didn't have to worry about my reputation. I just started when I, when I would do drugs and alcohol, it's like, I'm invisible. I'm in this movie and no one's bothering me. And I'm just, I'm enjoying it. The higher I got.
Matt Darrah (16:46)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (16:52)
The more excited this movie was. And then after that car accident, it was reality. It was, it was, it was a different, that was not God's plan for the movie. It was God's plan for the journey of driving through life. And, it was a movie. I didn't care about anybody. didn't care if the person was, it was.
Matt Darrah (16:55)
Hmm.
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (17:23)
Dying I didn't care. I only cared about myself because that's all I that's all I had. That's it See the thing is we worry about other people When you have a GPS inside you that you need to worry about yourself and keep yourself in check And I didn't worry about anybody else. I just worried about myself. When am I gonna get high again? What am I gonna keep drinking? I Didn't have anybody I was playing victim and when you play victim
Matt Darrah (17:28)
Mm.
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (17:52)
You know, people might feel sorry for you or, you know, and it's like, ⁓ they care a little bit. I'm just going to keep playing this. And pretty soon after the accident, reality hit me. And that's it. That's where I had to use reverse psychology and, and do the ops because my friends were OD and they were, they were dying. It was crazy.
Matt Darrah (18:11)
Yeah.
So talk about that accident. Were you driving?
Inspiringhearts4ever (18:16)
No, my friend was driving and we were on a dirt road. We flew over the railroad tracks. was a pig turn bridge and we just, we hit a telephone pole, busted off and I went through the windshield and landed under some marijuana ditch weed and messed up my shoulder a little bit. My body's like this a little bit.
But, you know, yeah. But and then I have my leg is burned on one side But. You know that. God did not do that. He did not do that. I did it to myself. I did it to myself. People know from right and wrong and you know. I pushed the limit and you know, and then I told myself I never did. I never and I never did after that in the accident.
I never drank or smoked drugs ever again. I just went off to my life.
Matt Darrah (19:19)
Wow. So that was a major turning point for sure. It kind of a wake-up call.
Inspiringhearts4ever (19:26)
Yes. And you know what's sad? Some people never wake up. They're still doing the same stuff and they're asking. It's kind of like you're planning something that is not going to sprout out. It's all negative energy when you're in that state of mind because you're not thinking correctly. And I just, I wanted to be
Matt Darrah (19:43)
Mm. Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (19:52)
part of society instead of taking away from society. So that's why I changed my direction.
Matt Darrah (19:56)
man.
Wow, love that.
You said at one point, take the cards that were dealt to me, be a man and don't look back. What does that mean to you? What is that in your...
Inspiringhearts4ever (20:10)
Everybody has a story and everybody's story could be someone else's survival guide. I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. I needed to get with the program and keep moving forward. You can live, you have a choice. There was a choice I thought to myself. You can live in courage or you can live in fear. If you live in fear, you might as well walk away, go back to the past.
Matt Darrah (20:32)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (20:37)
The past is the ashes, the shadows and ashes of your past. And the blessings are the presence of your success. So I told myself, you know, I need to build a new blueprint. I need to have self-confidence, self-control, self-motivation, and self-respect for myself.
Matt Darrah (21:02)
Mm-hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (21:03)
And it just, made me who I am today. just, had to, everybody, when you start out, you have a blueprint, but then you want to build something. keep there. have so many blueprints and until we die, because you know, we're building this, you're building your podcast. Yeah. So I decided to have a different identity of who I, who I was because it wasn't working anymore.
Matt Darrah (21:19)
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (21:32)
It didn't do me any good. I just said to move on. did. You have to forgive. If you don't forgive, you can't release the pain. So I write a lot. I'm going to be writing a book, anyway, I'm called Shadows of the Past, A New Journey, and Triumph of Life. When I write, it takes the pain out and brings the love in. So that's what I do. I write.
Matt Darrah (21:32)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (21:59)
It's just better to get it out to bring good things in.
Matt Darrah (22:03)
Sure. Yeah. You everybody's process is different as far as finding forgiveness, but finding forgiveness is, I mean, it's crucial.
Inspiringhearts4ever (22:15)
Mm.
Matt Darrah (22:16)
I mean, know in my life I'm trying to work through, you know, my experience is similar but different. I was in foster care and then I was adopted and it was an abusive home and trying to find forgiveness in myself for the things that happened to me. so, you know, for you it's writing and for someone else it might be writing music or, you know, whatever it is, but the...
The reality is we have to find the way to forgiveness. You can't move on. You can't live. Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (22:52)
That's, did it. had to, because
it's stress is cancer. And if you're not forgiving, there's still going to be stress in your heart. So I just, I just moved on. mean, I told myself there's a reason for all this and we'll figure it out down the road. That's, that was my attitude. like,
Matt Darrah (22:59)
Yeah.
Mm.
Yeah.
⁓ Love that.
What did forgiveness not mean for you? What was that not?
Inspiringhearts4ever (23:22)
If I didn't forgive, I couldn't heal myself. I couldn't move forward.
Matt Darrah (23:25)
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (23:27)
I had to have courage. And if you don't have courage, you're not going to move anywhere. The hardest prison to escape from is your own mind. And if you can't escape that, you ain't going nowhere. So I just wanted to.
Matt Darrah (23:27)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (23:43)
I mean, if I didn't forgive, I wouldn't be talking with you right now. I guarantee you, because I would still be the victim playing that same game of my own problems.
Matt Darrah (23:48)
Yeah.
Yeah.
So was it a process? Was it just one time, like, okay, I forgive them, move on? What did that look, I know you said you wrote. Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (24:09)
It took a while. Yeah,
it took a while because I kept thinking, my, this is crazy. I can't believe that I have to, I'm doing all this. Why? And I'm thinking, well, what did they do? And I had to look back.
Matt Darrah (24:24)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (24:26)
I had to look back and I thought about this. I thought, okay, they did this to me. But what did their parents do to them and what their grandparents did to them and their grandparents did to their parents gave it, you know, it was just the one thing I kept looking at that. And I was thinking, there's a reason for this, but I don't have time to waste because, know,
Matt Darrah (24:36)
to.
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (24:55)
I'm a type of person that just don't waste time. just, I get right down to business and that's what I did. I just said, but it took me a while. I kept thinking, I can't blame them because I don't know. Maybe there's something that happened to them. So.
Matt Darrah (25:02)
Mm.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, there is a there's a generational cycle and and breaking that cycle is so, so hard. ⁓ But, you know, you can't you can't break the cycle until you've forgiven and move on.
Inspiringhearts4ever (25:35)
And that's what I did. But it took me a while. I kept struggling and I just came to the point where, you know what? What's it gonna hurt? I'm gonna try it and then my whole life changed.
Matt Darrah (25:36)
Yeah. Right.
Yeah.
Yeah. Because forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for yourself. I mean, they're moving on, they're doing their own thing, they're living their own life. And so, you not forgiving them, most of time doesn't affect them.
Inspiringhearts4ever (26:10)
Yeah, well, didn't even know anything about him, so I shouldn't judge him. I know it's like, well, you know, it happened and I just moved on. I'm not going to play victim of something that, you know, I didn't create. I just, I'm just going to move on.
Matt Darrah (26:14)
Mm.
Mmm. ⁓
So, did religion and spirituality play a role in your healing journey?
Inspiringhearts4ever (26:38)
Definitely.
I remember being Catholic and went to catechism. And that was different. I had to get up in the box and then confess my sins in front of a as a kid. I didn't even understand anything what was going on there. But. And then I was a Lutheran and then I was a Methodist. And I was a.
Matt Darrah (26:48)
Hmm.
Right.
Inspiringhearts4ever (27:09)
Pistopatical and that was after how I became that is I was going to be getting locked up when I was 16. I was going to get locked up in the deformatory or jail. And I because I got in a lot of trouble. And I have a bullet in my arm. I just and I got.
Matt Darrah (27:26)
Mm.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (27:37)
a gash in my leg about like that where I got stabbed and then got burned. But ⁓ I just was in a lot of trouble. And they said, well, you're going to a reformatory or we're going to send you to a military academy.
I went there, like it was my freshman year. I went there until I graduated, but it was a military academy, a boarding school for boys. And these were rich kids. These were like 20,000 a year to go there. That was the best gift that the state could ever give them. Because I just, I learned discipline real quick.
Matt Darrah (28:04)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
wow.
Right, yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (28:21)
And the thing is, when you learn discipline, then you have the determination. You want to better yourself and then you stay dedicated to it. And that's what I did. That's what I did. And it made me a better person because I thought I was the toughest. No, it didn't work that way. Someone's tougher, smarter and stronger than you.
Matt Darrah (28:32)
Hmm, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (28:47)
I learned that real quick after getting knocked out. And I'll never forget that this Peruvian ⁓ officer, he said, drop and give me pushups. said, you ain't going to tell me to do anything.
Matt Darrah (28:51)
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (29:02)
And after that, he said, you know, I didn't mean to do what I did at kicking in the stomach, but you know what? You need to learn discipline and I'm willing to be your mentor. He was older than I was. He was a senior and he was a commander. He said, I'm willing to be your, your mentor. And then that's, that's, he taught me a lot and then graduated and moved on.
Matt Darrah (29:27)
So, ⁓ you said that your different experiences in all these different religions, know, these different denominations and stuff, ⁓ how did that kind of shape your idea of faith?
Inspiringhearts4ever (29:42)
Well, you don't go by sight, you go by faith.
and as a child eight years old.
I kind of already knew who God was and I stayed with him. And even though there's times that, you know, I would detour and all that, but I still stayed with, cause he was walking with me and I just.
I never lost faith in God. I never did. There was, you know, like I said, at eight years old, I was always kneeling down at night praying.
And I just.
What I want to say is all these different religions built me a foundation.
And I realized now after I'm older now that all of these religions I went through in different cultures is that that's what hospice is. That's the foundation. Because I deal with not deal, but I take care of all different generations, cultures and religions. And I can't judge people, their religion, their culture. You know, not in the not in hospice, don't.
Matt Darrah (30:47)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (30:54)
You
just, you respect it, give them dignity and respect. So that, that really kept me going of me being the person who I am today. And I realized that God built that foundation for me.
Matt Darrah (31:09)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mmm.
So how did you, what was the shift when you went from kind of surviving to choosing to serve?
Inspiringhearts4ever (31:21)
Well, like I said, I thought love was an illusion of the mind.
So I started to be more open. And I said, know, use reverse psychology. It's not working the other way. Try it a different way. So I was more open to people because I was on my own most of my life. 40 some years. That's a long time. Ran my own show, did my own thing. And when I was more open, I was more accepted.
And when I was more accepted, I was more loved and cared for.
and respect it. That's very important.
Matt Darrah (31:58)
Yeah.
Sure. So, know, hospice work has got to be very, very relational, You're helping the family, you're helping the individual, and you've got to have that relationship. Do you see it kind of as a way of giving back? Is that kind of the mindset?
Inspiringhearts4ever (32:23)
Yes.
I want to say that was my family. Those are my family members. The people that I went through life with. They respected me. And I gave him the dignity and respect they deserve.
Matt Darrah (32:27)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (32:42)
That's why I'm in hospice. Because every person that comes into my life, I treat them like a family member because I never had a family. Yeah.
Matt Darrah (32:59)
You said your kind of philosophy is to inspire, encourage, empower, and enlighten souls. How do you live that out day to day?
Inspiringhearts4ever (33:09)
Doesn't cost anything to be kind.
Matt Darrah (33:12)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (33:12)
I always try to show some kind of gratitude to this world.
One time I slept on a park bench and I thought, my God, is this all gonna, am I gonna be like this all the time? That's when I was 16.
Matt Darrah (33:21)
Yeah. ⁓
Inspiringhearts4ever (33:24)
People have problems all the time. There's so many problems that people have right now that not everybody's going to wake up the next morning. And I said, if I could just plant a posse seed in that person's heart, and soul and let that seed of love to continue to grow within themselves, then my mission is complete. And that's what I've always done.
Matt Darrah (33:44)
Yeah.
So awesome. So do you have a family now? I know you said you got married last year. Yeah? Awesome. Awesome. Kids?
Inspiringhearts4ever (33:53)
Yes, I do.
her children, very nice, very nice. And they accepting for who I am and I accept them for who they are. I'm not the type of person that's going to tell someone what to do. I have enough to keep myself in check, you know, and they're just, but yes, finally after 47 years, that's crazy.
Matt Darrah (34:10)
Yeah. Yeah.
That's amazing. So what does family mean to you today? I mean, I know you said that your patients and their families are family, and then you've got your own family, but what does family for you? How do you define family?
Inspiringhearts4ever (34:37)
where I know that I can be myself.
Matt Darrah (34:40)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (34:40)
I feel loved, feel respected.
And I can be more open to people. Because being on your own, just. You really don't open up, you just run your own show. You do your own thing. And with family today, my family. They give me all those traits. They understand me, they don't. They don't ⁓ judge me because of my past. They accept me for who I am at the presence. And that means a lot.
Matt Darrah (35:12)
Sure.
Inspiringhearts4ever (35:13)
Because I don't want validation or glorification, I told them. I just want to be accepted. And they accept me for who I am.
Matt Darrah (35:19)
Yeah.
Yeah, acceptance is just so, so important. What do you, so talk to a young person that's in foster care right now. What do you tell them if they feel, you know, they're feeling unwanted, they're feeling forgotten?
Inspiringhearts4ever (35:42)
First of all.
And I've said this before.
There's a GPS inside of you.
Get to know that person first. Don't worry about anybody else. Worry about that person first. But apply it with discipline, determination, and dedication.
Always invest in yourself, but no one wants to invest in you. Always love yourself, if no one wants to love you. And always show up. Even when someone knocks you down, show up and keep moving forward. Don't stand there at the storm and wait for someone to hold your hand to walk through it. Go through it and you're going to get there a lot faster. Because the thing is,
Matt Darrah (36:14)
Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (36:26)
People don't realize there's boulders or there's obstacles in life. You can go around it, it's easy, but if you go through it, you're going to learn that information to go through the next obstacle.
Just remember, believe in yourself and people will start believing in you.
Matt Darrah (36:46)
Yeah, believe in yourself.
So, you know, there are foster families out there, foster parents out there, and you know, my experience has been, you know, it's different today than when it was back when you and I were in care. ⁓ They're much more discerning about who they license and things like that. Not that, you know, every foster parent out there that's licensed is, you know,
Inspiringhearts4ever (37:04)
yeah.
Matt Darrah (37:17)
is perfect and great and everything else, there's always, in whatever you're doing, there's always gonna be some bad apples, but by and large, I feel like the foster parents that we interact with on a consistent basis are solid folks that really care about the kiddos that are in their care. a lot of them probably haven't been in care themselves. So what do you...
Talk to that foster parent that's out there that didn't live it, they don't have that lived experience, but they want to do the best and serve these kiddos the best that they can. Talk to them. What do you tell them?
Inspiringhearts4ever (38:00)
I'm going to tell you something.
Believe what the child says.
Matt Darrah (38:05)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (38:05)
The reason why.
when I was in foster care.
I had a social worker in the state of Kansas.
And she was actually abusing me and I was in a ring of children. And when I was 18, I called the state of Kansas, my statutory limitations was over. I called them and they said, yeah, you were in a ring. And yes, she did that to you, but we just moved her onto a different post.
Matt Darrah (38:35)
wow.
Inspiringhearts4ever (38:36)
So they admitted it, but they just moved her onto a different post. I'll never forget that. so when the child speaks...
Matt Darrah (38:41)
Mm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (38:46)
Listen to them. At least listen to them. And that's what the children want. They want to be listened to, loved and cared for.
Matt Darrah (38:48)
Yeah.
Yeah. Wow, Jeffrey. You know, it's been an honor to talk to you and I really appreciate you being open and sharing the struggles. But also the victory, right? The growth and becoming the
the person that you are, know, 30, first of all, 36 years doing anything. I mean, you just don't see that very often ⁓ these days where people get into something and stick with it. You know, I think the average adult like right now changes careers, not.
jobs but careers every seven years. So sticking with something for 36 years, that's pretty awesome in and of itself. But ⁓ just being here and sharing your story and helping folks that don't have this lived experience to kind of understand a little bit what it's like growing up in foster care.
Inspiringhearts4ever (40:02)
Yeah, I just want to say that for the people out there, it's not an easy road, but you have the GPS to go where you want to go in life. And you just have to have a different blueprint and, you know, and have that courage to move forward.
Because when you have the courage, then you have an opportunity to discover the unknown. I've always told people this. Understanding, knowledge and wisdom.
Matt Darrah (40:37)
Hmm.
Inspiringhearts4ever (40:42)
is powerful.
Transformation of character, integrity, will get you the respect you deserve from society outside.
So just think about that because respect is more important than be well educated. also I just want to say thank you for giving me an opportunity to be on this show.
Matt Darrah (40:59)
Mm.
Yeah. Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (41:08)
And
not everybody's going to be a moment in your book of life.
Matt Darrah (41:12)
Yeah, that's true.
Inspiringhearts4ever (41:14)
So thank you for your love, kindness, and respect. Thank you for being you and your generous time too. I told myself, someday, when I get out of this dark room with these abusive foster parents, I'm going to show the world in humble and silence of who I am instead of the world.
telling me who I am because I know who I was meant to be. And I've always kept this to my heart. The best gift.
that you could ever give yourself. It's just be yourself. Because everyone else is unique and different. And everyone else is taken. Thank you.
Matt Darrah (41:51)
Mm.
Yeah.
Well, Jeffrey, I do. appreciate just the honesty and honoring us with your story. it's a tough one. But there's also hope. We talk about that a lot here on the podcast that, yes, there are hard things, but there's hope. There's hope for healing. Yeah.
Inspiringhearts4ever (42:20)
You have to believe in yourself, believe
in yourself, invest in yourself, and no one's going to save you. You're just going to have to do it yourself.
Matt Darrah (42:28)
Yeah.
All right. Wow. Well, thank you again so much. Guys, thank you for tuning in this week. We've got some great podcasts that are coming. So be sure to like, subscribe, follow, share, the things help us out to grow this channel. If you don't mind, down in the comments below, just drop a line of where you're listening.
what city you're from, that kind of thing, something like that. And then guys, we do placement packages for kiddos coming into foster care. so we deliver to the 26 counties the pain handle, that's the size of West Virginia. It takes a lot to provide these placement packages. It costs us about $430 a piece. so...
We'll have a link down in the show notes, but go to our website, panhandleorphan.org slash donation. Set up that monthly gift. That really helps us be able to provide more and more placement packages. Last year we did 161. Our goal for this year is 250. There's about 600 kids that come into care in the 26 counties. And so we got a long ways to go to get to where every kiddo gets a placement package.
$100 a month buys us all the clothes we need for one placement. $50 a month is a case of diapers, and then $10 a month buys us one outfit. And so please think about that. Consider that. Again, we'll have the links down in the show notes. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thanks, Jeffrey, for coming on and sharing your story. You guys have a great week. Bye.
Inspiringhearts4ever (44:11)
Thank you.
Thank you.
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