Single, Not Alone: Saying Yes to Foster Care Part 1
little personal for me. Over the last several years I've I've had quite a few aches and injuries and medical issues and Robin honestly has has r very, very much helped me through several of those issues. And so something I've I really appreciate about Robin is that she does take the time to listen and figure out what's going on instead of just treating every patient the same. so at Power Within Chiropractic, Robin uses the activator method.
Which is a gentle, precise approach to pro chiropractic care. There's no aggressive twisting or cracking. Her goal is to help you move better, feel better, and get back to doing the things that you want to do. Robin has been caring for families in the Amarillo area for a long time, being a chiropractor for more than twenty years, and then helping people dealing with back pain, neck pain, headaches, sciatica joint pain, mobility issues, and overall wellness. Beyond what she does professionally, I'm incredibly
Incredibly grateful for the way Robin has chosen to support our mission here at POCN and the families that we serve. So if you're hurting, not moving the way you used to, or you've been putting off seeing a chiropractor because the idea of getting twisted and cracks makes you nervous, give Dr. Ure Robin Uri at Power Within Chiropractic a call. you can learn more at powerwithinamarillo.com. And Robin, thanks so much for taking care of me. So
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (02:22.121)We have a couple of ladies that are here with us today. Tell us your name. My name is Ashlyn. Ashlyn and I'm Abby. Abby. thank y'all so much for coming today. And I I I do like when a when a couple of different people come together to kind of do it's it's not it's not it's it's kinda shakes change things up, shake it up a little bit. and and I think it just makes for a really neat conversation. So I'm
I appreciate y'all coming and wanting to do this together and you know, you guys kinda ha come at it differently. and and so it, you know, I think maybe a little bit of a compare contrast type type scenario, that makes sense. and so you know, first we'll start with we'll start with Abby. Where did where did your yes come from? Well, it started when I was eighteen. I had a youth intern that
At the church that I attended, and he worked for Amarillo Children's Home as a social worker, I guess one of the case managers or whatever. And he came to me and my best friend Haley and said, Hey, I need some people who are, you know, 18 that can come and do some child care for me during training for our foster parents. And he's like, All you gotta do like be background checked. And I was like, Okay, that sounds great. And so
We went a couple different Saturdays. You know, it wasn't just a ton, but I we went and I just remember being in the baby room that first time that I volunteered and they handed me a baby and, you know, told me his name and I don't remember his name because that was a long time ago and I've had a lot of kids since then. But I just remember sitting there rocking him, thinking about like how much he needed somebody and just how much foster parents
were giving to be that somebody. And so I really like that's kind of what started to whisper, like this is maybe in your future kind of thing. But helping people wasn't something that was foreign to me. I mean, my my dad really set the bar high for that. you know, for him it was mentoring recovering addicts. And so like we always had somebody at our dinner table who
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (04:44.102)had come from a hard place that needed help and so like whenever I saw these babies that didn't have somebody to take care of them and then I see these foster parents who are saying yes, it's like wow there's so many people that need support. And then thinking too about, you know, the parents, like the biological parents in that situation, thinking about them being very similar to the people that would sit at our dinner table, you know, because so many kiddos that are in care
are there because of drug use in the home, that leads to neglect and other things. But, you know, that kinda just started to whisper my I guess like whisper in my soul. Yeah. Of like, hey, like this is probably gonna be in your future. which of course like I had no idea what that meant when I was eighteen, I thought I was gonna like be a psychologist and
Then I thought I was gonna be a teacher and then I thought I was gonna be a children's minister. And guess what? I'm not doing any of those things right now. Yeah. plans change. Plans change. For sure. Yes. Well, Ashley, what what about yours? Where did yours come from? Yeah. So I think from an early age, deep down, I always knew that I would eventually be a foster parent. Yeah. never in my life did I think it would be at twenty one. and so I joined a church
about a two years ago here in Amarillo and met some single foster moms. and then I had the opportunity to speak with Gwen Hicks, who was the founder of Amarillo Angels here. and then from that moment it was like everything that I saw was about foster care or f needing foster parents in Amarillo, how many foster kids were being sent out of Amarillo because we didn't have homes. And so it just really kind of hit home that like now is that moment. and so about two weeks later I started classes to become a foster parent. Mm-hmm
Wow. So yes. And and this is something else that's kinda unique for our listeners is both of you guys are single. Yes. Single moms fostering. And so that's that's it's it's not as uncommon as people think, but it's not it's certainly not nearly as common as it is a couple doing something doing it together. So so so Abby, you said it it started kind of it
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (07:02.177)At eighteen, but then it became a yes. How how long did it take to become a yes? Well, there were some other stops along the way. You know, when I was in college, I interned at a church in Plainview and it had a foster care community. The children's minister I interned under her and her husband were foster parents, and there was other foster parents in in the community and in the church. And so, you know, I spent a lot of time with
with kiddos that were like in our kids ministry, but also with parents. And then when I was doing kind of like my capstone like supervised ministry, I went to my very first like introductory meeting. because they were having an info meeting just in Plainview and my advisor was like, Hey, I think you should come with me to this meeting. And so I did. I went and it's this was when everything was still CPS. Like it wasn't privatized yet. And so
I went to the meeting and they were like gung ho ready to license me. I was twenty one. Like I mean, I was in my senior year, like I was twenty one and I looked at I said, Listen, you can't license me because I have two roommates and they're not gonna come and do this. And also if you call me for a baby, I'm not gonna be able to say no and I'm about to student teach. Like this is a horrible idea. And so it just wasn't kind of the right time. And then, you know, I took
my first job in Muleshoe and I worked at the church in Muleshoe there and the youth pastor or one of the youth pastors I worked with, he and his wife fostered and I did respite care for them. but I was in the thick of seminary. I was living paycheck to paycheck because, you know, single income is hard. Like even if you're making a salary like it is and even whenever it's in a small town like Muleshoe and then you know Covid happened and life was hard. I
donated a kidney to my dad in there in that process. Like all of that. And really it was ultimately like the culmination of getting to a point of donating my kidney to my dad and like realizing I could do impossibly hard things that I didn't know what the end looked like and like couldn't fathom. And it was like when I did that, like I stopped being afraid of saying yes to foster care because it was like it was always something I really wanted to do, like
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (09:24.129)I wanna love these kids. I want I wanna help. I have a lot of love to give. and then like in that time I also moved into a parsonage, so all of my bills were gone and so it really just opened up and I was graduating from seminary and it like, Okay, so I've got time, I've got resources, and then it's like I can do these hard things and I have a friend that was a foster parent and has adopted out of care and she told me, She's like, Abby, like you're never gonna find the exact right time to become a parent. Like you just
Like, why don't you just have like a phone call with the home developer at Children's Home of Lubbock? And I like, Yeah, you can give him my phone number. And he called me and I was licensed six weeks later. Like it was so fast. Whoa. Yeah. It was so fast. But it was just kind of like this this moment of it really was like that whole thing of like my dad saying, Hey, like, they are putting me on the transplant list. Like, I need I need a kidney 'cause he he's always he was always a
chronic kidney disease patient like my whole life. But he had been stable. And so we always joked like, hey, like I'm keeping your kidney safe. And then it was like the middle of COVID. He's like, hey, they said I need to go on the list. And I was like, well, I'm gonna get tested. And then he was like, no, you're not. And I was like, I'm sorry that you think you have an opinion in this. Like it's actually what's gonna happen. And that was like a whole process because like he was going on Medicare. And so we ended up waiting a year. But that whole process of just like
Saying, yeah, I'm gonna have surgery, like major abdominal surgery, where they remove an organ from my body when I'm completely healthy. Like that did a lot to my psyche. So, like, you know, just had to like walk through that. Like this, I don't know what this looks like in the end. And it's scary saying yes to surgery. Like, what happens if I don't wake up? What if I die? Like, you know, just sure all of those things, but
It was that whole journey that taught me I could do impossibly hard things and I could do those things even when people didn't think that was what was best for me. Right. I kinda that was when I started like the very beginnings of I don't really care what people think about what I do. Which I think is something you have to have to be a foster parent. Yeah. Yeah. But that's how I got to like, here we are, I'm fostering. Yeah. And it was just really fast.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (11:40.89)At that point, like once I decided like I wanna do this, like now is the time. It was literally six weeks. That's insanely fast. I've never heard it go that fast before. I know. Well, especially like hers took forever. How how long was hers? I started the process into February and was finally licensed the first of November. Okay. So it took a a little bit longer. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Wow. So we're at the same spot. So you guys have both gotten licensed.
So talk to me about your first placement. Abby, you go first. So I was the weirdo, the crazy person who said yes to a sibling set of three. Out of the gate. Out of the gate. Which that was I was licensed for three to start with. And I told them that I was willing to take a sibling group, because it's so hard to keep siblings together in foster care, especially if there's more than two. yeah.
And so, you know, they called and they were like, What do you think? Do you wanna wait in with one person? Do you what do you wanna do? And I was like, I feel like if this is what I got licensed for, then why am I waiting in? Like, you know what I mean? And so I was like, Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah, bring It'll be fine. And I had had a little girl that was with me. She wasn't officially placed, but I was doing respite. They were gonna place, but she ended up reunifying
And so I had had her with me and she was gonna be with me through the weekend. They called me on a Saturday and they're like, It's three and so we're gonna send the older two to the shelter for a couple nights just to kind of evaluate them there on campus. And then we'll send the youngest to you. She's three. And I was like, Okay, yeah, that sounds okay, because I was only licensed for three and so I couldn't have all four kids. And I was like, Yeah, that sounds that sounds fine, whatever. And so they
Brought me this really precious three year old at like ten thirty at night. Yeah. And I had already put the other little girl to bed and signed all the paperwork and this poor girl showed up with the clothes she had on. Shoes that were too small for her feet. Her hair was looked like kitchen scissors had been taken to it. Like and I could
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (13:55.855)barely understand anything she was saying, like because the speech was just so garbled. she was potty trained, so that was I was thankful for that. Sure. And I gave her a bath and put her lovey in the wash because it smelled awful and put her to bed. And I was like, what have I done? Yeah. Yeah. And then big brother and sister came on Monday. Yeah. And when they came, like I didn't even get placement work with paperwork.
them like literally transportation brought them to my house and handed me their green binders and said okay bye and I was like do you have like placement paperwork for me? No like I don't need to sign anything. Well just sit sign here saying that you took the kids. And I was like Wow This seems really not okay. What if I have to take them to the ER? Literally and so like I call my agency and I'm like hey they just dropped the kids off but I don't have any paperwork. Like I didn't sign anything for them. And they were like that's a problem and I was like hmm
Yeah. Yeah. You think so? That was my let's go. We got this all figured out 'cause they were three, seven, and just turned nine. Wow. No, just turned yeah, just turned nine. Yeah. How long so how long between you got you got licensed and then got that for that first call? How long? It was like
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (15:24.387)Maybe like three weeks. Because I had that other little girl that was with me. and, you know, I was doing respite and then they had court and they were gonna reunify her. And so I was helping out the family that had had her. Yeah. because they lived not too far from where I lived. They were just in the town over from Muleshoe and she was able to stay in like her daycare and stuff like that. Yeah. But
Yeah, it was like it was so fast, it was three weeks and then you know, like they show up and then they leave, and then it's like, okay, now you have to figure out what's next. And I was like, they did not talk about like this part in training. Like we have to find clothes to wear to go get the clothes. Yeah. Exactly. This is when I texted your wife and she had a volunteer bring me. I was gonna say we got you a placement package. Yeah, and that was so, so helpful because like I
had nothing, you know? At that point, like I mean, I had lots of things, but not specific clothes and like the things that we actually needed. Right, yeah, yeah. Well what about what about you? You got you get licensed, takes up takes forever. Yes. So mine was a little different. I actually got a call for my first placement before I was ever licensed.
so she was in a foster home that was closing. and so they needed to find somewhere to send her after their home closed. And so I think my license was officially active on a Friday afternoon and they dropped her off Monday morning. Wow. so mine was way different, not the three week waiting, but yeah. Gee. So what was that first Yes call you get this call and all and yours yours you're single and haven't parented before?
So you're like and I and she was hold on, she was how old eleven months. Eleven months. Okay. So you So I got her exactly two weeks before her first birthday. Mm-hmm. so they just like Abby said, dropped her off, I signed paperwork and then they left. And so at that point you're thinking, What did I get myself into? Like I don't know how to be a parent. What am I supposed to do with this baby that they just dropped off? and so definitely that first week was just figuring it out. Like, what do you need? What do I need to do?
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (17:32.768)How are we going to plan a first birthday party for a kid you've never met? who do you invite? Like who's gonna show up to a party for a kid they've never met? and so I think that's when it's so important to have your community in foster care because people showed up from two hours away that had never met this little girl just to celebrate her for her first birthday. Like they met her f at her birthday party for the first time. And so I think that community in foster care is so important. No, it is. Absolutely. Did you get a placement package for her? I did, yes. So talk to us about that.
Yeah, so she came to me with quite a few things because she was in that previous foster home. but she came to me with a lot of things that she had grown out of. she's a chunky little girl. And so y'all's package definitely supplied her with some clothes for those couple of hard winter months. a new jacket. she has a stuffed animal that she got in that place of package that she still to this day carries around everywhere. it has to be in her crib or she's not sleeping.
It is so dirty and she will not let me wash it because it has to be within sight of her at all times. Yeah. So she's your f first. She was my first. Is she your has is she the only one that you've gotten so far? No. So I since then have had three. Three other babies. Yeah and then I just recently had a teenager placed with me. Okay. so I've had all babies under eighteen months until two weeks ago and then I got a call for a seventeen year old that needed to be moved from an emergency shelter.
And so now she's living with me and we're going through the journey of the So you're probably twenty two parenting a seventeen year old. Yes. Never in my life did I think that I would be saying yes to a seventeen year old. from the day I got licensed, I said only bring me girls under two. Yeah. Zoe was my first girl.
Sorry, you can take her name out. Yeah, please take her name out. So my first baby was my only girl. My last three little kids have been all boys. and then now I have a teenage girl. So nothing like what I thought I would be licensed for or what I would be taking. But when you get those calls, you just reevaluate your entire life. Like I know I've said only girls, but I can't say no to this baby that's coming into care.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (19:49.181)So so Abby, talk to us about the thought process of okay, I'm licensed for three. Mm-hmm. right out of the gate, they're gonna give me three. Like what is your what is your thought process at this point? Are you like let's do this? Are you like, my gosh, what what am I gonna do? I mean, I feel
Like when you get licensed, you're really anxious to get and eager to get started. Like, you know, 'cause you've done all of the the trainings and you're ready to go. And like for me at that point, like I had been like foster care had been at my heart for ten years. And so it's like, Yeah, let's do it. It'll be fine. We'll figure it out. Like it it'll be good. And then it's just kind of like, here's these three kids and then like immediately, like when they were placed, it was
This is three children and like I missed all of the stages and I've got three kids that are at different stages. Yeah. And I've got one girl that talks a lot, but I have no idea what she's saying. And I'm having to rely on older brother and sister to translate for me. And then I've got these two older kids that this is their third time in care. And the youngest had spent more by the time she left my care.
Twenty-two months later. Like she had spent more time in foster care than she had spent with her family. Yeah. Like is all of that. And so, like, you know, I think at the beginning, like I was really naive. Like I had no idea what I was saying yes to. and then it was like, okay, now I have to figure this out because I've got to go enroll these kids in school. And then I lived in a small town and there was only one daycare that took
like CCS in town, or maybe there was two, but like only one that you should take your kids to. And I called and they didn't have an opening. This was in March. They didn't have an opening till summer. And so like thankfully the little girl that I had had for respite had a spot over in Sudan. And since she was reunifying, I was able to put the youngest in that spot. But then that made for how far away is that? It was twenty miles.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (22:07.136)One way. One way. Yeah. And I would have to do a whole lot two elementary school drop offs, get the the baby young the youngest one to Sudan and then I would go to work. And then, you know, I would pick up kids. Mm-hmm. They're all in reverse. And it would all be in reverse. And then at the end of the day, I have to go back to Sudan to go get little sister. Mm-hmm. So we did that for gosh, two and a half months. And then it was like, you know
June first, sh she had a spot in Muleshoe and that made it a lot better. And I was sad though because like I loved the daycare in Sudan. Like it was just such a sweet it was a sweet daycare and like great workers and they fed the kids. So like all I had to do was like take her. I didn't have to do anything. I just had to take her. and you know, I had to pack lunches at the other one. But it was just like it was just a lot. Like I was thrust into this, like
You've got a kid that's in daycare but also needs to be evaluated for speech. And then you've got kids that are at two different elementary schools because they were in second and third grade. And the way it was in Muleshoe was PK through second at one school and third through fifth at the other. And so I've got kids at all these different schools and then like the younger one, like, Hey, we need to do summer school. Okay, that's that's fine. We can do summer school because like she had missed so much school before she came into care.
And then the older one, it's like, well, we're having some behavior issues, a lot of behavior issues. And I'm like, Okay, cool. That's kind of expected. Like, let's talk about it. And so it's just like not just like how do I meet their basic needs, but like how do I meet their academic needs? Like how do I meet their physical needs? And like trying to do all of those first appointments, right? Like you've got to do your seventy two hour check, you've got to do your thirty day, then you've got to get into the dentist and
Then like immediately the oldest boy like or the old the oldest, he was a boy, he is like, I want my ADHD medicine back. And I was like, Well that's not just like I talk to the doctor and they give you ADHD medicine. That's like I have to go get you evaluated and then your parent has to say yes to me giving you that medicine. And it was just like I had no idea. Like I didn't know what I didn't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? And like having kids
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (24:26.25)I will say that that's what's different. Like having babies, like you're not doing the school piece yet. but that school piece, like really So is this. Was the school like super supportive? Was it was it a challenge? Is it they were and I will say like I had lived in Muleshoe at that point for like
six years and Muleshoe is not big, right? It's pretty small. And so all of the administrators, like I was really good friends with a lot of them went to church sure with me. And so like it was really nice because like I had that conversation with the admin team that I could go sit down and really explain things. Yeah. but it was it was difficult, you know, and I think a lot of it has to do with just laws. when it comes to like evaluating kids and like
They like to do things a certain way, like they wanna have a time of evaluation before you rush into testing and all of these things. And so that part was hard just because it's like, well, we're having all of these behavior outbursts and you keep giving him checks, but like it's not doing anything. Like obviously we're missing the mark here. Yeah. And thankfully, like with that case, we had the very best CASAs It was a husband wife team, they were both doctors of education.
she was superintendent at a small town and he was in as a professor at tech. And so, you know, I called them and I said, Look, the school's pushing back and she was like, Absolutely not. And so they would drive, they came to all of the meetings that we had. I was like, This is their casa, this is their guardian ad litem They get to make help make decisions when it comes to education. And I was like, And they're doctors of education. And so I want them here and
Thankfully they were able to get a lot of things done. You know, like it's like a hey, like we want to have as much as we can on paper because in foster care you never know how long kids are gonna be here. Yeah. And you just wanna make sure that you have everything possible in writing. That way it follows them. Yeah, if they to whatever school district they go to. Exactly. And so, you know, we
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (26:44.701)We did a lot of testing for both of the older kids. Like just hey, I wanna make sure we're not dealing with other learning disabilities and things like that. And the oldest had some emotional disturbance. And so like he was able to qualify for special education services through that. And because of that we did an IEP for behavior and a behavior intervention plan, which is really hard to get because schools don't like to give those. Right. But at the end of the day, like
director of the SPED department, she understood. And she was like, you know, while if he was gonna stay here, I would say like we don't need this right now. But since we don't know if he's staying, like I understand you wanting it to be in writing. For sure. Because like you have to withdraw them from special education services. Like you would have to go in and say, we're withdrawing from this. It's not just a like it falls off. And so, you know, like
I was really grateful for the administration and for like living in a small town at that point where like I did have the cell phone numbers for the administrators. And I tried really hard to like keep those professional boundaries and I would say like, Hey, I'm having a conversation with my friend so and so, or hey, can I ask the admin this question? to really just distinguish that, you know, and recognize like, Hey, like our friendship is outside of that. Yeah. But also recognizing like, hey
Like there are some things that need to be done differently. And every school district does have like a foster care liaison. In our district, it was the assistant superintendent, which happened to be the chairperson of the committee that hired me at the church. And so like she and I are still good friends today and I still call her. Like if I'm like, Hey, I've got a SPED question or I've got a school and foster care question. And so like they that was really the best place I think for me to kind of get a feel for how things
should go. Sure. Education wise. Yeah. Well, so Ashlyn, your your first you you've got these ki this this little girl. What is what does that first couple of days look like? I mean, is it how do I feed a child? How do I put her to nap and all the things? I mean what is that what does that look like? So growing up around kids, I think that I had the like basics down. Yeah. which is good. Yeah. But she is a little developmentally delayed. Yeah. at that point she was
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (29:05.326)wasn't walking, wasn't pulling up on things. so it was just learning to navigate like what help do I need to get you in order for you to succeed. and so I feel like a lot of that first week was of course the first doctor's appointment, the first dentist appointment, meeting with all of your new caseworkers, your agency caseworker, your St. Francis worker, and then just trying to figure out like what plan we need to put in place for this kid and what support she needs to thrive. and so that was really my first week with her is figuring out what she needed to succeed in my home.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Did she s did she like kind of coast in and have an easy time getting to sleep and things like that? Or was that we laugh and say that I got the easiest first baby ever so that they would trap me in foster care. Because that's she slept ten to eleven hours through the night, would nap during the day, ate whatever you fed her, was the easiest
easiest baby ever. Yeah. and so I feel like it really was like that just first easy introduction to foster care so they can hook you and then you're stuck. wow. Yeah. You you did look you did get lucky for that for sure. Well, so let's talk about
You guys again, you're single, you're you're doing this thing. but what I've heard from both of you is you had you weren't going at it alone. Right? I mean you had resources, people to call, casas, things like that that are there to to to help, right? So you're even though you're single does not mean you're you're just in it.
alone. Absolutely not. Right. Yeah, no. but then more than that, so you had you had your own communities and things like that. And then but you're you moved to L Lubbock, is that right? Yes. And then you were here and then moved to Lubbock. But you were part of a a a w a foster was it a women's group? Got real connected into that. Yes. And that was super beneficial. But then you moved to Lubbock.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (31:23.04)And then you're like, I need that. Yeah, absolutely. And so you guys hooked up somehow. So we actually met a year a little over a year ago. Yeah. Before I was ever licensed, in a foster parent support Facebook group. Okay. so she had commented on a post that I had made about looking for foster families in the Amarillo area to ask some questions too. and so we had briefly talked through Facebook Messenger for a while, then we exchanged phone numbers.
And we never actually met in person until May of this year. so right before I found out that I was right after I found out I was moving to Lubbock. and so we met up one weekend and let the kids play Yeah. And then it's just been every day since then, basically. Well, and and I mean, h how important is that to have other folks that get it to y'all? Yes. I will say like
My support system has evolved and changed a little bit. like over the time that I fostered. Whenever I started in foster care, I was still working at the church in Muleshoe and I lived in Muleshoe and my agency was in Lubbock. And so I didn't like have the support like as readily available like from my agency, because like, you know, I was an hour and ten minutes away. but my my parents and my sister
were my biggest support system. because I when I worked at the church, I was working fifty ish hours a week and I was on call twenty four seven. basically I never had a day off. But I was gone a lot, you know, I was on different boards for our our convention. So I had a lot of meetings in Dallas. I was helping put on big events like con
conferences and conventions and stuff like that. I went to kids camp and youth camp. We had summer events. We had you know just the regular church calendar events. Like we had VBS and like in VBS we had 250 kids come in Muleshoe Like basically every kid that wasn't in summer school came to VBS. And so it's like, you know, my sister would come and keep my kids for a week at a time or my
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (33:45.928)mom would come and keep the kids for a week at a time. Or if it wasn't school, they would come to Amarillo. And, you know, they they helped me a lot. Like I would not have made it through those first few years without them. And this was before my sister had four kids. She only had two kids when I started fostering. you know, obviously she didn't keep my multiple children after she had four kids 'cause where do you put them all at that point? Like you know, can't even have a car big enough. But you know, they were kind of my support system. And I had
a few people at the church that were supportive. there was my friend in Muleshoe that was foster had fostered and she would help me with some things and like just be somebody I could talk to. And then, you know, I had another couple that they really supported and believed in what I did. And they did all of the stuff to do respite for me. And like they would help keep kids for me like
when we had court days because like I would have to be in Lubbock by eight thirty and school drop off didn't start until seven thirty. And like that's not gonna work if court starts at eight thirty 'cause like it takes an hour and ten minutes to get there and I have to park and I have to walk in and all all of the other things. And so, you know, I had people that would that would help but it it looked different than
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (35:11.811)what they thought it would, if that makes sense. And so I'm gonna like do a little detour here because I think that it's something that we need to talk about. But church doesn't do single well. It's true. In general. Like as a general rule. Like not even like single parents, not even like single foster parents. Like that's really niche. But single we don't do well. Yeah. Right. Like you're always like growing up. I grew up in church and so like you get you graduate, you go to school, you
get married, you have kids. Like that's what you do. And then I at that point, like I'm 25 and I'm not married. I don't have kids. I don't really know that I want to be married. Like I did a lot of work in therapy, like telling my counselor I was like, I don't know that I actually want to get married. I don't know that I don't want to get married, but you know, I don't want to have to wait for my life to begin when that happened. And so you know, whenever I came in and said, hey, I'm gonna foster as a single parent
Wait, I was met with a lot of resistance. Yeah. And it was kind of like backhanded, like, yeah, of course, that's great. We believe in you. But then whenever like it really came down to it, like, well, we never thought you'd take three kids. Well, what was I supposed to do? Say no. Yeah. Like, you're not saying yes. If you think you're more qualified to do this than me, then I like please sign up. Yeah. So I don't have to.
I mean, obviously I still feel called and I want to, but it's like one of those things, like if you believe that every child deserves a mom and a dad, then why are you not taking in all these kids? And so like just like that whole sense of like it didn't look the way that they thought it was going to be. And so it was it was hard because you when you get kiddos foster care, you don't get kids that don't have behaviors. Like you get kids that have food insecurity or trauma or whatever. And so it's like
It's just not comparing apples to apples ever. Like no, I was at a I was at a a men's breakfast at this restaurant. It's this Bible study. And so we were going around the room at the end, it was like who who pray for what whatever, you know. And so we get around to this one guy and he's like, Hey, we need to be praying for so and so. They just you know, they just got this foster kiddo, sh she's three months.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (37:37.764)three months old, whatever. and she's just she's not sleeping well and da da da da. And this other guy is like, well, of course she's not sleeping well. She's three months old. Like, come on. I mean that's and I'm like, no no like you don't understand. You get it. No. There's a difference. There's a difference between your child at three months not sleeping and and this child not sleeping well at three months. Like they I there is this thought process
that they're so little that they that they come through unscathed. Absolutely not true. And no, if they're they're they're not a blank slate when they come down the chute. Right? I mean, they are not. There's there's all kinds of we are learning so much physiologically, developmentally, brainwave, d all the things so that when the when the doctor catches the baby, they're not blank then. And then and and then
You know, so so mom's voice isn't there, smells, tastes, touch, everything is foreign. Nothing feels safe. Yeah. Right. And if they're withdrawing, which is like ninety percent of babies that are removed, that's what it comes down to. And so it's like not only are we trying to like withdraw from these drugs that have been in their system or or detoxing or whatever, it's just like they're not a blank slate. Even when they are babies, like
No no kid is a blank slate. No. No. And so yeah, it's one of those Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, so it's just like, you know, really, really different. And so eventually I moved to Lubbock. I needed a change. I needed a position that would be more flexible. I needed more support. I needed to not work 60 hours a week and be on call all the time.
and so I took a job. I work with Medicaid now. But when I moved to Lubbock, like that's when things kind of changed for me. Like as far as like having that support system. Like I can live anywhere with my job. I work from home. Yeah. It's a remote position. And so, you know, lots of people are like, Why are you not moving to back to Amarillo? And it's like, Well, because my life has been in Lubbock for the last fifteen years. I haven't lived in Amarillo since I left.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (40:01.192)Yeah. Like I went to school and then I moved to Muleshoe and now I live in Lubbock. Like that's kind of been, you know, my progression of things. But moving to Lubbock like that's where my agency was. I had made some single foster mom friends like that were with my agency. one of them actually had my youngest for my very first placement when she was a baby. And so like when we were with the same agency, and then one of the girls that I did training with
They worked together. And so the three of us started, you know, when I moved to Lubbock, we would get together once a week and let the kids play. 'Cause like a when I moved to Lubbock, I had a different placement. I had a six year old boy and so like he would go and play with th whatever kids they had and you know, mom would try to get a little bit of conversation and then
I reconnected with a girl I went to school with who had adopted her son out of foster care like seven years previously. I guess like she's adopted him like he's been with her for nine years now. so she adopted him when he was almost two, but or was one and a half or something like that. But I reconnected with her and she's single and never been married. Like she did foster care and adoption all on her own. And so I told my friends
Tiffany and Desiree like, I'm gonna invite my friend Allison to come hang out with us. She has adopted her little boy out of foster care. And I think that, you know, she could really use some support. And she was they were like, Yeah. And then Ashlyn was like, Hey, I'm moving to Lubbock. And I was like, my gosh, I'm so excited. Yeah. And like I just remember like how hard it was.
like moving to a new town like right out of college, like and not knowing anybody and then like And then adding the fact that you have a baby with you. A baby with you that's and you're moving to a town where you don't know what daycares are there. You don't know the support system you're gonna have transferring agencies. Absolutely. Like everything. Yeah. And so I was like, hey guys, like I'm gonna invite my friend Ashlyn to come hang out with us. Like she just moved from Amarillo and she's got a placement right now and, you know, she needs
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (42:16.798)people and they're like, Yeah, invite her. And so she started coming to hang out with us. And then there's another another girl who's a single foster mom. And it's just kinda like we just all help each other. And it's like Tiffany, she and I we went to training together. That's where we met. She's a pharmacist, so she's like way smarter than I am. but great. Like so fabulous. And like we she helped me a lot with the little boy I had when my dad was sick. And
So like when he was dying, like literally one day I texted her, was like, Hey, I think I need to run home and check on things. Like my dad had a hard weekend and I don't know, I just feel like I need to go. And she's like, Okay, if you wanna set a bag of clothes out, like on your front porch, I'll pick him up from school and pick up the bag. And you just text me when you're coming back and let me know what you need to do. And so I set that out and like I sent a note to the White Care staff and was like, Hey, Tiffany's gonna be picking him up from school today and I ended up staying in Amarillo you know, for
a couple nights and that was when he ended up passing away. But it was just like, you know, she jumped through every hoop. And then when I had an investigation into me and Jensen, my son that I adopted had to go into respite. she kept him for seventeen days. Yeah. So seventeen days we were separated and he had to go to a licensed home. Like when you're being investigated and they put your kids in respite, it can't just be like a respite provider. It has to be another licensed foster parent.
And so she took him and was like, yeah, whatever you need. And she sent me pictures and all of that. And so I was just like so grateful, like, for the community that I had built because it was like I couldn't have even imagined if he went to like some family I'd never met. Right. Because at that point, like we were two months away from adoption and he had been with me since he was seven and a half weeks old. And so it was just like this moment of like I have had to very intentionally like build the community that I have. But it's like
Now it's like we're a well oiled machine, you know, like we get together every week, every other week and you know, somebody sometimes it's at somebody's house and it's absolute chaos 'cause there's like what nine jillion kids between everybody 'cause Stephanie's got two babies. Desiree has her one. Ten. Yeah, ten. no. Yeah, ten. Yeah. So there's ten kids from five of us. And then when the other lady Amanda comes, there's four she has four kids. And so, you know And you're all single.
Panhandle Orphan Care Network (44:46.08)We're all single. Yeah. All single. And so it's fourteen kids in six six five single five single moms. If that money comes. Wow. Yeah. And like
You would not believe the amount of like infant carriers that we have and we have to build a five under one. Yeah. Five under one. Or five or one and under. One and under. Yeah. And so it's just like you know McDonald's hates to see us coming. Like I hate to see us coming. Absolute chaos. Yeah. And we have a little bit of adult conversation, but more than anything. Fix in with a hundred moms, I need something. Yes, yes. Or like,
Jensen's jumping from, they're they're biting each other. Like 'cause our kids at this point like siblings. And so like they literally do beat each other up all the time. But it's just like I couldn't do it without them. And so that's the normal now. That is the normal. And like we she invited us over for supper one night, one week. And she's like, Why don't you all just eat with us every night this week? And
We never left. And yeah, then it turned into every night this month and now it's every night someone picks up the kids from daycare and we have dinner and do all of the things because it's easier to do it together. It's so much easier. It's like I'm sure we get lots of really weird looks and where we go 'cause we have all of these children, not a single one well, Jensen looks like me, which is like a a total god thing, but like not a single child looks like any one of us. And we got some different ethnicities going on and I'm sure they're like
What's going on there? It's okay, me too, I wonder. Yeah. Jeez.
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