I Could Never Foster...Until I did with Heather Cook
- 6 days ago
- 32 min read
Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. We are here with a good friend of ours named Heather. We're gonna get to Heather in just a minute, but before we do, we've got an episode sponsor today. And so they say looking for a fun, creative way to bring people together. Two Sisters' Studio brings the party, the paint party to you. We offered guided
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for sponsoring us and and and do if you're l like me and you have no artistic ability and you just wanna have some fun, definitely contact Disney. So so Heather, thanks for coming. Sure. I'm super excited to have you on to kind of just talk about your experiences in the foster care world. So I remember just go back a little bit, I remember
This would have probably been like twenty seventeenish when I was borrowing a desk at the Boys Ranch Community Engagement Center and you were there doing an internship and we had just lots of conversations about foster care and about all the things. Yeah, it actually was the spring or the fall of twenty sixteen. Okay. Because that was my last semester before I graduated with my social work degree.
matt (02:28.525)
Okay. And I do remember lots of conversations we had. most pertaining to the foster care. and and Panhandle Orphan Care Network. Yeah. Some about music. Yeah. So Yeah, yeah. So it was it was it's been it's been really cool to see like from there to now. So we're talking right at ten years ago. Yeah. That's that's I d I didn't realize it.
put the numbers to it, but that yeah. So ten years we've been having this conversation. So so you you then eventually got licensed and served on the board and stuff like that. But we're gonna so we'll talk we'll kind of talk through and get to there. but you so you kinda listened to things and then ended up deciding like that's that's what I wanna do. Like I wanna start I wanna start doing that. What did that
What that conversation like go with with y with you and kinda in your mind and then, you know, making this decision? What was that like? Making the decision to foster? Yeah, just well starting to starting to see things that you probably hadn't really seen before and then deciding to p kind of put that in into into play. Yeah. So whenever I was younger, I grew up in a really hard household.
And I didn't want my kids to be like that. Yeah. to be grown up, like the to to grow up the way I grew up. And so at that point I was just focused on making sure that my kids didn't have to live the life that I did. Right. but then getting to know you really put into perspective that, you know, I don't know, I might have slipped through the cla the cracks. I honestly feel like I might have should have been in foster care. Right. but
when we f when I first met you, I remember going home and telling stories to Todd, my husband. And he always he told me this once or twice. He said, Man, I just have a feeling I'm gonna come home and there's gonna be a a kid sitting on the couch. And well and it's not that easy. Yeah, right. Now we know. Now you know, yeah. But that originally planted the seed. so it it all really just kind of came from that little
matt (04:55.699)
w working with you. Yeah. next door to you in that internship. Yeah, yeah. At the time, we had some like shelves back there that we were storing some stuff on to do placement packages out of and things like that. And so, so so you start having this conversation. What does your family look like at that time?
Young, busy, chaotic. Todd and I actually got married in the spring of twenty seventeen and so I was, you know, getting my wedding planning on. the kids were young in sports. Todd is basketball coaching and so it really sort of didn't stop from there. And we didn't decide to foster there, but that was when the seed The seed was planted Yeah. Yeah. So so how did
These conversations turn into like, let's get licensed. It took many years. Yeah. Many, many years. we what I wanna say maybe like twenty twenty two, maybe maybe twenty twenty one. I don't know. Todd had a dream that we fostered. And so like really throughout the last ten years, we had
he would say something or I would say something and it we would just kind of bounce it back back and forth. and we never jumped on it. I I didn't ever feel like we were ready. And that's that's kind of what I want other people to know is like we we absolutely had no idea this was gonna happen. Right. Yeah. but also our house was pretty chaotic. I was coaching cheer, which I f I resigned, if you will, even though it was a volunteer position.
I quit coaching in February of twenty twenty-four and Todd was still coaching basketball, but at that point our daughter was graduating high school and we just had she she still lives in the house, but Oliver's kinda younger and and probably two weeks after I s stopped coaching, I said, Why why don't we foster? And of course Todd's always up for my shenanigans and
matt (07:18.571)
And he's like, Okay, 'cause that had been something that that h had been sitting on him as well. So that's when we actually started going through the we looked into it, we got licensed and it took a good chunk of time. Yeah, for sure. Do you remember, think back to as we're having these conversations ten years ago, d was there a s a story or something that just like stuck with you that stuck with you all this time about all these conversations we were having?
matt (07:53.268)
Not really. I think just the most the most impactful thing was whenever I would deliver some placement packages and see the foster parents and the foster some of the foster kids and like just kind of get my eyes on them. Right. And that that kind of makes you want to like I see them and I think, well they're they're just like me. Yeah. What's the difference? Yeah, exactly. And so
That kinda also helped me decide that that I wanted a foster. Yeah, there's this, you know, there's this idea f that floats around that like foster parents are these heroes, these, you know, super special individuals when they're we're just people. Right. We're just people that said yes. I mean, it's not there's nothing, you know, y completely d uniquely different between you and
Some other mom or me and some other dad we just said yes. That's exactly right. You know. And that's the you know, that's that's and I I love that you're you're kinda wanting to share that. Like, hey, you you'd you know, you don't have to have some angel wings in order to be able to to to do this, right? If you look at me, there's nothing about me that glows. I'm just No halo. I'm just a ho hum average person. Yeah.
You know, just a regular Jenny on the block or whatever. Yeah. Well, so
Did do you think seeing them so I think I think you kinda answered this question already, but seeing these these foster parents and these kiddos coming, that really just helped you to realize these are these are just normal people. There's right. There's nothing super special. That's so that's kind of that's kind of what helped you to say, okay, maybe maybe we could do that if if if there's just they're just regular people. Yeah. Well it
matt (09:56.108)
definitely contributed to the decision eventually. Yeah. Yeah. But seeing it, you know, whenever you when I thought that I couldn't foster, it really helped me to just be able to like to want to help in any way I could besides foster. Sure. Yeah, 'cause that's something I tell people all the time is is you can be involved,
in in a way that doesn't necessarily involve, you know, taking kids. I mean you can be a CASA or you can volunteer for us and deliver placement packages or Amarillo Area or or Amarillo Angels. There's there's all these different ways to get involved that don't necessarily require you to go get licensed and and start bringing kiddos in, right? Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah. So
When when did the the conversation shift from, you know, that that may be something we could do one day to like let's do this? Was it just because your daughter had graduated and you like looked up and felt like you had a little more time or yes, and I quit cheer too. So I took something off my plate to put something back on it, I guess. And we love to stay busy.
And so we I mean, I don't know. Somebody once told me if you ask somebody busy to do something for you, you know what's gonna get done. Right. Yeah. and so I don't know, I not that f I mean, f there's a lot that goes into f being a foster parent. Right. But I don't know, I just felt it really just
Wha hold on, here's how I wanna say this. Those little like those little voices you get in your head that sometimes I wasn't planning on quitting cheer, but then I heard you don't have to you don't have to do this anymore. Mm-hmm. And then I thought right. It's like permission. it was exactly permission. And then whenever I Todd and I were just sitting we were just sitting on the couch watching TV and I thought
matt (12:11.649)
Why don't we foster? And it it wasn't even a thought, it just came out of my mouth. Wow. And I hadn't even looked at anything. Yeah. But I looked at him and I was like, wait. And he was like, Yeah, sure. Let's do it. So I know that that God has I I think that was him telling me that it was our time to finally put that part of fostering into action. Mm. Yeah. So did you is it that's about the time you joined the board too, right? Or was that before?
It was gonna remember. it was that very next year year, I think. Okay. In in January, December, January. Okay. All right. So you were you were well into the process of getting licensed by the time you said yes to the board. Okay. So why what was it about POCN that made you wanna serve on the board? I like to know everything that goes into something and
Being on the board it it made me realize there's so much that goes so much more that goes into POCN than just delivering placement packages. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, so talk to us about getting licensed. So I know so y did you look at lots of different agencies and compare kind of what how they what the process is and stuff like that or
Honestly, I wish I had known that there were more than one agency out there. I am really I love the agency that we decided to go through. And the reason I chose that is because I went to school with somebody who is k I guess a caseworker for Buckner. And I was it was fresh on my mind and I so I looked it up and you know, that's just the route we decided to go. Yeah. But
If anybody out there wants to start fostering, definitely look like consider all of the agencies in your town and what there is to to choose from and what do you think would be a good fit. For sure, for sure. I tell people to like interview. Interview their agencies because e every agency is different in how they manage things and and how they support families and things like that. Yeah, exactly.
matt (14:36.127)
Interview them because they're gonna be interviewing you immensely. Every single aspect of your life. Right. Yeah. Yes. So you talk to us about licensing. What was that what was that process like for you guys? Mm, it was it was pretty intense. I was really nervous about my house because it's kinda old and it's kind of small. And so we we decided to start out with just babies because they could
share room with us and I still have my it's kind of weird w having the older kids. well Oliver just turned 17 and then Paddy's 20 now, but they were eighteen and fifteen when we went through this. And so I don't know. I didn't really want to push them out of their rooms or put put somebody in their rooms with them. Yeah. And so that's where we started. but I just I was really self conscious of like every nook and cranny
and crack and like like kernel of dust or you know, little speck of dust in my house. they don't they're that's not what they're looking at. Actually, I decided. And it's okay I mean once you are in it, they come over sometimes weekly. Yeah. And if if they come over on a day where I didn't sweep my floor, I'm just I mean, I have to be okay with that. Yeah, sure.
For sure. So that that was what kind of was like at first I was really nervous about it. Like everything has to be super perfect for everybody, but really it that's not what they're looking at. No. No, they're they want to know if it's safe. Yes. Right? That's what that's their biggest cause they're entrusting these kids to you and they wanna make darn sure that there's not gonna be more harm coming to them when they come into your home, right?
If the if if if the house is lived in, well they expect that. They you know, what they wanna make sure is their food, is their air conditioning and heating running water all the all the things that, you know.
matt (16:50.195)
most mod you know, modern Americans are not they're not gonna have like an issue with. Yeah. You know what mean? whereas, you know, some of the s situations they're coming out of that could be a really, you know, really big struggle is is is is having all those things. So this so the state and the agencies and everybody wants to make darn sure that the kids are gonna be safe and loved when they come. That's that's what they care about. If there's some clothes on the floor they don't
they don't really care. Yeah. So so you went through a the bun bunch of classes, right? Yes. they had whole list of things for us to check off and it we were I think I thought thought we were pretty fast at it, but then there's still hoops to kind of still jump through that take time. And so it's not just an immediate thing. If whenever we went through the license licensing process, it took months and months. Yeah.
And then there was, I think, a staff change too at the agency. And that took just I feel like that might have taken just a little bit longer or two. But eventually we were we were licensed and it was good. So roughly do how long did it take? Is it six months, nine, twelve? Yeah, we started in March and we were licensed by December. Okay. All right. So about nine months. Yeah. Nine months, yeah. Okay. What was something that
Going through the process to get licensed that like surprised you or it was like, do we really have to do this? Is there any of that kind of stuff? the trampoline thing. we did have a trampoline. We contemplated getting another one. We had so much fun on it, but but they really are kinda a big risk for for littles. And so just the the rules regarding that and that kind of surprised me. also for babies.
They couldn't use a a walker. Mm-hmm. So it was just like a little bouncer kinda a jumper thing. Yeah. but just the s the specific rules that they have have to place in order for and I I see where they're coming t from too to keep keep the child safe. And that that was pretty much what surprised me. Yeah. Did you learn a lot in through the classes about trauma and stuff like that? Was it trauma informed or was it was it more
matt (19:15.903)
Along the lines of, you know, this is how you keep a kid fed and clothed and this and that and that kind of stuff. Well, because of my social work background, I I already knew kind of some trauma informed. But it's just really good to cut to keep up with that stuff and continuing education. Yeah. Yeah, because there's we're we're learning like so much so fast about brain development and the effects of trauma and and all and the and the fact that you can
heal. Like that's you know, th years ago they I mean, they they thought by the time you hit eighteen, your personality was locked and you were stuck and there was no changing it, getting better, getting worse or whatever and stuff. And so yeah, staying on top of all this new information is super important. Yeah. Hm. So so you guys get licensed, you're only gonna
The plan is just just littles because of space and everything like that. So talk to us about that first placement. Like what was that like? You'd been on the delivering end. Now you're on the receiving end. You you're getting this little this little baby. What's what's this like? Yeah.
It was kind of emotional. We were I had COVID. no. And I think I was on my seventh day, but I still didn't feel that good. Sure, no doubt. There was a revival at church that we went to and that we were that was going on that week and we were, you know, heading out to we were getting ready to go and we got a phone call that said, Hey, we've got a five week old baby and Todd and I we have this thing where
We we take the call and we ask to, you know, can I call you? Can I let me talk to the my husband? Can I call you right back? Or if they call him, let me talk to my wife, I'll call you right back. Yeah. And we tell each other the situation, we split up for five minutes or whatever, and then we we just pray about it. And if we if we feel led to say no, then we'll if one of us says no, then the other one ha that's that's a no. Yeah. so
matt (21:33.068)
oh I even got off the phone with with Memory Todd was like, Whatever it is, yes. And I said, Hold on just a second. Yeah. so we took our five minutes and we called her back and said yes. we chatted about it and so that was in the in the afternoon. And so then it was kind of a my gosh, our first placement. We're so excited. But a five week old baby, like what what do we need?
What do we need? Yeah. It's been a while since you've had a l little baby in the house, right? Your youngest was was fifteen, sixteen at the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we I called all all my friends and I let them know, hey, we're getting a baby. And they brought over some stuff. we we did go to the revival at church, just waiting for the call because he was coming in. I was a two hour two hours away. Yeah. So
When they they gave us an estimated time. So we le we left home, my friends showed up with a couple of things. Man. and then POCN, we let them know or well, I guess the Buckner let you guys know. Yep. And we had a placement package that night too, and thank goodness. Thank goodness, because I mean, when they come it's not with hardly nothing. Yeah, sure. And that's the toughest part. Yeah.
Well and that's and that's you know, that's the r the whole thing about a placement package because I mean when you got when you got licensed, you said babies, but that I mean, it's not like you said, I'll take, you know, a five week old and I'm gonna have time to prepare to have a five week old. It's like I'll take I'll I'll take babies that can sleep in the room with us and and so bring who you bring, right? And there's no I mean, I kinda say this jokingly, but it's not like mail ordered babies, right? I mean they
Whoever comes is who's coming, you know. So there's there's not really not any any way. I mean, you'd have to have you'd have to own Walmart to be ready for any any kiddo that that comes. Yeah. And as little belongings they come with, that's about as much information we get on them too. For sure. For sure. So we don't really know too much about their background. it's very scant. Yeah. So
matt (23:57.738)
So
W the you kinda ha you kinda had a unique experience 'cause I don't know how many volunteers that we've had that have like delivered placement packages that then turn around and received We've had some, like, there's a couple that was on the board for a while that they their story was not not too dissimilar from yours. I preached at their church. and then so she's like elbowing him, like, Hey, one day, you know, and so then they they started
the kiddos got a little bit older and they started really thinking, okay, and then they they came and got on the board and, you know, kind of felt things out for a little while and then went through the process to get licensed, started taking kiddos. But but that's that's rare. It's rare rare where you've got, you know, volunteers that have delivered placement packages that are also like receiving a placement package. So I mean, talk talk to us about that. What is what was that like? I just knew I could
like rely on you guys. Like I I have a community with you guys. and if I I know that that whatever I need it'll be there. Yeah. So so yeah, I mean I think just being being knowledgeable of the resources available to foster parents. Absolutely. And I I try to educate
people to the resources that I know too. Yeah, exactly. That's you know, that's that's a there's like three parts to the reason we started this podcast. But the number one was to create community around foster and adoptive families, right? Because you may n you know, they're not sitting across from the couch from you, but but they're listening, right? Yeah. so creating that community. But then the second piece was like these are re resources that are are available for foster and adoptive families, right? So that's the
matt (25:51.288)
That's one of the three reasons that we started this because you know, so many foster parents that I talked to are like, there's just no there's just no help up there. There's no resources out there. And it's like, well, there there really are, but people just don't know about Yeah. So Yeah, or sometimes they're just not utilized. Right. You may know about it, but just I I don't know. sometimes it might feel you might feel like
afraid to ask for help or you know, or maybe like you don't need it. But it's not even about that. It's about community and support in our in our area. Absolutely. Yeah. I tell people all the time, we're not bringing stuff. We are bringing stuff. But that's really not what we're bringing. We're bringing hope and s encouragement and helping the kiddos and the parents seem feel seen, right? Yeah. And valuable and what they're doing matters.
Yes, yes, especially because the foster parents, they're with the the the child twenty-four seven and sometimes we need just a little bit of a a friend to just say, Hey, you're doing a good job or do you reach out, do you need anything or how's everything going? And yeah, it just feels good to have a little bit of community and know that you know, if we need something
There are people out there like POCN to help us. For sure, for sure. In that first placement package, was there something that just really surprised you or that just was really like impactful? nothing really surprised me since I already knew what went into them. Sure. But I mean, the Bible, the blanket, and the bear are just those are we used to them. But the bear was his little cuddly,
The blanket, you know, we always that was his little we put it over his little boppy thing for him to lay him on and and then we would read him stories from the Bible. So I mean, just that's what we utilized. I mean, we needed everything, of course, but I'm just really glad that those are in there too. and that way it especially the Bible, so we can start start him out on a good foundation. Right. Absolutely.
matt (28:16.043)
Absolutely. And see where, you know, where that leads. So talk to us the the they the baby comes. what is what's what all's going through your mind as they're like, yeah, they're they're walking in the door, here's this kiddo, like is it what what are you thinking? Are you like scared? Are you excited? Are you both? for sure both. I was very excited. Yeah.
but also so nervous. Yeah. and I just I remember looking at him and he like made this little this little smile and I said, no, don't you start with me already making me fall in love with you. And yeah, and we just loved him so much. Now that night was a whole situation. sure. Because there was a huge snowstorm
that was coming in that night. It started snowing as soon as he got dropped off. So the transporter, he dropped him off, high tailed it back to two hours out of town where he was from. Yeah. and then luckily my friends had come to help set up. And then I think Jennifer maybe came to drop off a placement package. And yeah, it was she came a little bit early be maybe before we had him. Okay. Because of the storm.
okay. It was coming. Okay. And so f you know, as a foster you have to do a three day health checkup. Yeah. And it was the third day that we were able to finally get out of the house because the f it was so snowy and the roads were real bad. And but that gave us a lot of time to like get to know the baby and cuddle with them and yeah. Not everybody gets that like, you know.
Things were shut down, closing because of the storm and we were just walking into you know. Yeah, you were just really able to just kinda focus and not have the distractions and go gotta go here, do that and that kind of stuff. That's awesome. So was there a mountain of paperwork to sign that that that night or did that come later? Yes, and they kinda throw it at you real quickly, it seems like and
matt (30:35.487)
And I have to stop and ask, okay, what is this that I'm signing? Or they'll tell me, Okay, here you're signing this for this, you're signing this for this, and you know, and I didn't even know all of that that was coming. Right. It's the whole process, it it takes a little while to get through once you get a placement. Mm-hmm. before you can be left on your own to to start connecting with the child. But that that's where I can ask questions too and
sort of thing. Awesome. Do you think anybody can like really be fully prepared, like going into it? Not not with stuff. I'm talking about mentally, emotionally. Can you can you be for that first placement, like really ready? No. For what you're walking into? Or any placement. Because every child is so different. You don't know what what their background is, what they're used to.
After our first one left, we got a second one and he was two years old. And whoo he was we called him our tiny tornado. Yeah. He just zoomed around and everything in his pathway was a mess. But he had a completely different story from the first one. Right. And it you know, it was just you mentally you can you can f sh think that you're prepared.
But once they get there, you just really you have to tune in with that that child and you know s kind of almost set your boundaries. Yeah. in a way that it meshes where you can like, I don't know, just kinda give that child the best opportunity, but also make sure that they leave with the knowledge of, you know, well, for example, I guess our two year old he
He would just get into the fridge and I remember having to stick a broom in the handles of the fridge so where he couldn't just get in it. So yeah. So we would set him at the table. And if he was at the table, he knew he was gonna get food. Yeah. And so that's that's kind of what I mean by setting boundaries. And then once he knew he was gonna get food, then he stopped getting into the refrigerator. Absolutely. And so Yeah, because I mean, food insecurity, I mean
matt (32:57.621)
When when when my kettles came, I mean, they w it took us a couple of days to realize 'cause it was like, man, they are still hungry. They are still eating. And it took us a couple of days to realize that the reason they were doing that is because they were s literally stuffing themselves as much as they humanly could because
In the past they w they weren't sure when the next meal was gonna come. Right. And for us it took many many times of open the fridge, see this, look in the pantry, see that? There's plenty of food here. We're gonna eat again in a few hours and we're gonna eat tomorrow and the day after and stuff like that. Yeah, and I think routine is something routine and structure is so important too because then they know that okay, this is a
about the time I'm gonna get some food. Yeah, for sure. Or this is about the time it's I'm gonna get a bath and then after bath we're gonna lay down. Yeah, for sure the routine just consistency. Yep. Yeah. Because and you know this is something we've we're we're learning so much through the developmental stuff is that the consistency allows us to be aware of, you know, what's happening, what's gonna happen next.
And that helps with felt safety of I know what to expect. You know what I'm saying? That's that's why it's so stinking important to have that consistency. Yeah. Mm.
matt (34:40.397)
I'm reading.
matt (34:45.645)
How do you think how do you think fostering has changed you as a person?
Hm.
matt (34:57.889)
Well
matt (35:02.06)
I guess that
That it's opened up another well of love that I wasn't sure I was able to give. Sure. yeah. So I mean, I cried when all three of I've only had three foster babies so far and I've I cried when all three of them left. Yep. And you really just want what's best for them. Mm-hmm. What do you what do you say to somebody who says the thing that everybody says, which is I could never do that 'cause I would love them too much.
To let them go. I say that's what I said too. That's what I said until I did it. Yeah. So and it just depends on where they at where they're at in their journey because it wasn't immediate for me. It was eight years. from the time I even like you kind of told me really what foster fostering was. and I mean aside from that, I had heard it but I didn't really
See it or you know, and you were able to give me a picture of it. but wherever they're at in their foster journey, if it's non existent, which is where I thought I was, and I doted on everybody's everybody else's foster baby, but then when we actually decided, I don't know, it was just I don't know, I I don't w it's not like a a big thing, but it is. Mm-hmm. that we're just
You know, we're opening our home and yeah. And I just want other people to know that they may say no right now. They may say exactly what I said. I could never do that. Yeah. And it and and then they can do it. Yeah. Just keep your mind open and and just listen to God and where He takes you. Like follow that path if He's calling you down it. And again, it's you know, foster parents are not different, unique.
matt (37:00.445)
And so they do. They love deeply. and it hurts a lot. when when they go home, you know, a lot of we hope that they're going back into a a a better environment than what they came out of. But you d you don't know, right? You have no idea what's gonna happen next for that for that kiddo. And so it is hard. It's very hard.
To l to let them go. You've you've rocked them to bed to sleep for the last, you know, year or whatever and now they're they're you gotta let go. and so it's not like our hearts are made of stone where we don't you know, you if you're doing it right, it's gonna hurt. Yes. I mean
And so with with my last foster baby, my most recent, I'm in nursing school and I w I failed two of my exams and exams are really important. That's most of my grade right there. For sure. And so unfortunately we had to put in our thirty day discharge notice for our foster for our most recent foster baby so that I can practice. And and Todd and I we tried to make it work. He's he's basketball coach and so he had practice two nights a week. so he would take
the baby for one night and I would keep him for one night, but it just still wasn't my mind wasn't on nursing, it was on the baby. So and so when the baby left, of course we balled like we do. but he went to a really nice foster foster home who still kind of allowed me to keep in touch, which you don't always get. But
Whenever I saw him the next time, I could tell he loved his new foster mom too. And it was harder on me, I think, to let him go than it was for him. Sure. To to move. Kids are so resilient. And I just I felt bad for having to put my my discharge notice in and but then seeing him so happy and like the way he looks at her and the love that they share. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it
matt (39:22.685)
It gave me more peace on on having to do that. Yeah. Yeah, and that's that's like said, it is rare to to be able to kinda keep tabs and things like that. And I don't think there's anything wrong with I've I've I know as a matter of fact I was having a meeting last week with someone who put a pause
Because the husband is finishing up some schooling and so they they had a they had some and then they they went they went back and so they said we're gonna pause until the end of the year, let him finish and then we'll take more placements after the first year. And I there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, it you you have to excuse me. You have to do what's best, you know, for you to maintain and everything like that.
matt (40:22.149)
'cause if you you can't pour from an empty cup and you've you've got to you gotta be well. and and and be able to do the things that you need to do as well. And so I mean, I don't I don't think you should like feel bad that you had to do that. I mean, that's just that's just life. Yeah. So And and that's we're just taking a pause. Yeah. And hopefully I I keep telling Todd I'd like an older one so that I can go to the movies and go to the park and go to the zoo. Yeah.
Yeah. Those kind of things. Mm-hmm. So th so then talk to us about the paperwork, the ongoing paperwork of like while the kiddos in your home. Tell tell us tell us about all the different kinds of forms you have to fill out. Not my favorite part. Yeah. Not at all. But yeah, so we have to so once we get our placement, we have to do thirty thirty days of a daily notes. Mm-hmm. And just
how is the child adjusting, what growing, that sort of thing, anything significant that needs to be written down and so I would just do like a little summary of every day. Yeah. and then then it finally goes to monthly, which is it's way easier. and then you just I would one paper documents the overall over this month, how did the child
Grow educationally, health, I guess maybe mentally, how is he doing in the household? How is he doing with with the family in the household? Yeah. foster parents and bioparents and that sort of stuff, and then I have to fill out a a visitor, kind of a visitor form. Like if the Buckner caseworker comes, I I feel
chart that and then if if he has a visit with bioparents chart that and that's one form and then let's see then there's the med forms there's one for over the counter and then one for prescriptions so if he doesn't have if the foster child doesn't have any prescriptions or any over the med, you know, if you give him one dose of Tylenol you have to write that down. Right. and how much too. Yeah. And then let's see.
matt (42:49.057)
I don't I don't know what else. Yeah, but there's a lot. Been a minute, yeah. Yeah. I just remember I think I send in like five different things every month. Right. So how often does somebody come in the house? monthly monthly visits with the the bu the Buckner case worker. and then weekly visits. my most recent foster baby had visits twice a week with his mom.
And so yeah, I have to chart all of that. And then CASA workers if they have a CASA Yeah. I mean it's I always tell people it's it's at least one a a week is coming for something. Yeah. You know what I mean? So yeah, it's I'm trying to give pa help pim paint a picture of like what it's what it's really like. And I did have one that that had to go to therapy. I know that
They also do in home therapy. So if that therapist comes to work with the child, you'd have to write that down to So everything is just kind of documented for the child's safety. Yeah. And I see where they're coming from. It's tedious, but I mean, that's it's it's our child, but it's not our child. Yep. And so we have to cross the T's and dot the I's. Sure. So talk to somebody that's
thinking they're on the fence and they're thinking, maybe maybe we should do that. What would you say to them or do you some 'cause you're sure you have those conversations. Yeah. What's holding you back? What are the obstacles that are in your way right now that are not allowing you to do it? Right. Do you have any questions? Do I can share experiences? Yeah. and then also if they just want to be a little more in the community then I share.
Some resources. P O C N Of course. That's always my first one. Right. and then yeah, that those are those are probably the things I would ask first. Like what what is holding you back right now? Like what is in the way of it? Because it's not that you're gonna get a foster baby tomorrow. Right. It is a whole tedious process. and I liked to stay on top of it. Mm. and it still took nine months. So sure.
matt (45:12.073)
take that first kiddo?
no. No. I mean, yes. Well, actually I remember thinking we were so ready until we got the call. And then we panicked a little bit. Yeah. Like, but it was we were excited and nervous. Mm-hmm. So that first that first one, my goodness. Yeah, it's it's definitely one you'll never forget. For sure. but we have a we have a little
a picture hanging up on our wall, it's a tree. And all of my my family, me, my husband and my three kids and my son's fiancee, we all have put our fingerprints on the tree and then all of our foster babies have put their fingerprint on the tree too. so even though, you know, they just came into our life for a short time, yeah, they will stay with us forever. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Mm.
What's one misconception about fostering that you that you want people to know about that's wrong? a misconception.
that you have to be rich maybe is is one. That was a a financial you know, that's kind of what stopped me from doing it in the first place was I didn't know that I could do it on my my own income and not you know, I thought that only rich people fostered kids. And so there's that misconception.
matt (47:12.695)
that you have to be perfect. I am not perfect by any means. For sure. but they do a background check on you and that sort of stuff. And you know, I mean, who is perfect anyway? Right, not anybody. Well well, there was one. only one. Only one for sure. so not everyone is called to foster. We've talked about
Ways that they can, you know, get involved, they can deliver placement packages, they can they can donate, they can host a Moses Closet Drive. what are some other ways that may not even be associated with an organization, but that somebody could do that would really like like bless a foster family, do you think? What's way in the way that somebody either did or some way you wish they would have that was like, you know, impactful for you?
matt (48:15.629)
Mm.
matt (48:21.321)
I do have a friend who when when I started fostering, she was so helpful because she fostered and then she adopted hers. And she was just kind of my my go to. Yeah. If I had any questions, ac there's a lot of people in the community that I could have gone to, but she was just I felt safe with her, I felt comfortable with her. the questions that I asked her, you know, I don't know, I just trusted her.
Yeah. So f just finding a person that you trust, but also sharing the posts on social media too for foster care agencies, resources. People don't know about because the the word of mouth isn't getting to them. Yeah. Or and maybe that's not their interest level. which that probably happens a lot too. Mm-hmm. but something, you know, you
have a meal. Or I mean that would be so helpful. For sure. That first night just get or a meal train for like a few days or a week or something. One less thing you have to worry about. Yeah. Is dinner. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm. Good ideas.
Well, I think this is kind of self explanatory, but you're paused, so you're you're not actively taking placements now, but I mean, like I said, I think it's probably a foolish question, but looking back, would you do it again? A hundred percent, yes. Yeah. I can't wait to do it again. I can't wait to be done with nursing school. Hurry up. Right. Yeah, for sure. I I do not want to go back to school.
Well, okay, so anything you think we haven't covered that we that we should just mention?
matt (50:15.801)
Not that I know of. Yeah.
matt (50:24.565)
If you can't, that's okay. We and we'll chop this in. I just can't really think of anything right now. Sure. Okay. All right. so w is there is there something about the way things are right now as far as just in foster care that that gives you hope?
matt (50:46.617)
every new foster parent that joins gives me hope. Yeah. And I advocate all the time. since I'm I'm not doing it especially at work, I always talk about my foster family. and when I say foster family I mean my community of foster friends. Sure. and the events that they have and and all of that. So
We do and I say this a lot. I mean you know, it's all things foster a place for coffee connection and community. 'Cause we do better when we're in a community. Right. And so, you know, having having that community support, yeah, it is. It's super, super critical. So Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have to only be in a community with your your own fosterer.
organization. You you can branch out. There are other other places that hold like foster care gatherings. Yeah. I know I remember last year you guys were at there was like a what was it called? those little like a little fair, a foster fair. yeah. like last October it was was the the Amarillo Area foster adopt coalition that we did like a
What was it called? Foster the fun or something like that. Yeah, and that was really cool because it had a lot of different foster care agencies. Yeah. And then you guys were there and a lot of resources in one place. Mm-hmm. that's really cool. Yeah, those are definitely good. Yeah. Well, very good. Well, I I thank you so much for being willing to come and share your share your story. maybe it'll impact some somebody out there that's on the fence or
Or just needs the encouragement or reminder of why they got into this, you know, that kind of something like that. And I would be happy if anybody had any questions or just wanted to talk to reach out to me and and let's go have coffee. Yeah. And talk about it. Yeah. I would be happy to to help with anything that I can too. Mm. Okay, so we'll put in the show notes we'll put away for them to to touch base with you. Yeah. Does that work? Sure. Okay. All right. Well, thank you.
matt (53:10.327)
Heather, so much for coming. guys, thank you for for tuning in. We this this continues to grow and and and I I'm running into people and I'm like, you you're listening? Like there are people out there listening. It's it's amazing. I mean, it's just it's so cool. So thank you for for tuning in. Hopefully, if you're a foster adopted home, it's it's beneficial to you as a community to be more aware of what what kinds of things are going on.
so thanks for tuning in. Guys, like we talked about, like Heather and I talked about, we we do placement packages and we deliver those to the twenty-six counties of the panhandle. So that is every kiddo gets a suitcase, a bible, a teddy bear, a book, a toy, and a blanket. And then over and above that it's whatever they need. So clothes and diapers and formula, bottles, all the things. And so
We ask folks to consider being a placement package partner. What that entails is setting up a monthly monthly gift of of the amount that they they can they can choose. We kind of have some suggestions. Five hundred dollars a month would pay for a placement package to be delivered every every month. You know, two fifty would cover half. Maybe somebody else could cover the other half. $100 buys us all the clothes for a placement package.
$50 is a case of diapers or $10 buys us an outfit. And guys, every every donor that sets up that monthly gift just helps us continue to to reach more and more families. And so, you know, we cover the 26 counties of the panhandle. So that's that's the size of West Virginia. I don't know if you guys knew that. We're here in Texas, everything's bigger. we just kind of know that. When somebody told me that, I was like, whoa. so, anyways.
so yeah, please consider that. go to our website, https://www.panhandleorphan.org/donation We'll put the links down in the show notes for that as well. and and if you're interested in hosting a party to paint, I I like I said, I am terrible at art. I love to see art. I'm just terrible at it. so definitely touch base with with Disney with Two Sisters' Studio And again, we'll put the links for the show notes.
matt (55:33.259)
down below as well. Guys, thanks so much for tuning in. We'll see you guys next week here on All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community.
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