From Overwhelmed to Grounded: A tool for caregivers
- Jun 17
- 14 min read
Hello and welcome to All Things Foster, a place for coffee, connection, and community. Today we've got Vivianne Israel on and she has got some unique stuff to talk to us about. So Vivianne, tell us just a little bit about you.
Vivianne (00:17.774)
Okay. Well, I'm a retired registered care nurse did critical care of 27 years and then emergency response. I've also had businesses. I'm published author of nonfiction in the past and the award winning things and now writing a very long series of children's novels. cool. And in lurking for what teachers would like to have in a resource guide.
because each of these stories will have a resource guide to make most information the content. I learned what a horrible stress situation, overwhelm and lack of support teachers were in. It's pandemic. But truth is a lot of us are in that situation. Absolutely. And then make post pandemic or even with life situations like with, you know, grief or taking caregiving for very ill or near dying family.
or otherwise emotionally stressful situations like which can be with foster families. It is something that we all need. So I'm about raising awareness of true self care beyond the me time, mani-pedi, day at the spa, feel good thing for the day. Things that practices that actually elevate your everyday life so that you show up better for yourself and to.
get out there that true self-care, these are things I refer to as true self-care instead of the me time True self-care is the genesis, the foundation of being able to take the best possible care of our loved ones, our children, students, charges, ill family members, people we love that are ebbing out of their life.
These different things, it makes such a difference going through a crisis or a continued stressful situation with a powerful self care tool than without. I've had several crises, physical, financial, emotional, medical across my seven decades. And the difference between having a powerful self care tool in place, you don't want to have to go through any crisis without it anymore. I hate to see anybody go through without one.
Vivianne (02:35.936)
And it doesn't have to be long time commitment and sitting like a pretzel or breathing an extra particular way or emptying your mind, which actually humans are not capable of emptying their minds and focusing on your breathing trips everybody up. That doesn't help. We need to get out of our thinking mind and into our feeling body. And the two minute thing that I've finally put together after bunches of years and research is the fastest way to get people.
out of the thinking mind and into the feeling body, which is that meditative shift that people have usually have such a hard time achieving. Never knowing, I doing this right? Am I, I think I'm focusing on my breath. Am I meditating? I don't know. All that conversations going on. No, you're not.
Matt (03:10.69)
Yeah, no doubt.
Matt (03:20.136)
Yeah, right, right. So what do you, so what do people do in this, you know, because like say foster families, know, it's crazy. I mean, there's constantly somebody coming to check the home or check the kids or check this or check that or there's paperwork, like unbelievable amounts of paperwork and things like that. what do you, what do you
How do you help families and folks that are going through these nonstop stressful times?
Vivianne (03:55.598)
With to get them to give themselves permission to do something that is truly a self care practice for them to understand that it's not selfish. busy needing to do all this stuff out here for a loved one or a family or a family process that you're in. it's the instance of the foster families, like all these, these components that you mentioned, which are ongoing and oh, hi, here we are. We want this like right now, you know,
You feel like your life is chef salad. Having something in there when it is a practice. It becomes second nature to you, so it helps you switch quickly. It helps you handle. gosh, not this thing now. You can reset your your mental focus faster and but a long practice that's 20-30 minutes or something like that. It is hard for many, many people to put that into practice.
into their lives and if they try it, they're not sure if they're doing it. So this little stress eraser thing you put together that works different neurochemical triggers that helps set you up to be able to do that shift. It happens so fast. So it happens in a couple of minutes and when you've been practicing it, it can actually happen in a shorter amount of time or you can still stay there for two or three minutes if you want and have a deeper, longer lasting
release, you come back, you've actually you've given your mind to reset both your mental mind and your emotional mind by taking it getting out of the thinking mind and into the feeling body. It gives it an opportunity to just reset and go, yeah, that was nice. And if you only do it once every three weeks, it'll help you in a moment. Remember to do it. But if you create
Matt (05:46.178)
Sure.
Vivianne (05:49.07)
just a little sliver of time in your day doesn't have to be the same sliver. In the car before you get out of the car to go to work, in the car before you get out of the car coming back home from work, or on the way to this meeting or getting home for, we're reviewing your home today at 3.30, be there. Two minutes you can reset yourself and go into the meeting, the situation, or greeting your family in calm composure and.
ready to deal with what needs to happen. Not like this.
Matt (06:23.094)
And so is this something that folks can pick up pretty quick? Is this something that takes many, many, times of effort?
Vivianne (06:34.894)
You can pick it up pretty quick. I've done master classes on this live, like just 30 minutes to talk about the whys and some of the what's of it and take them through process. Oh God, that was really nice. And then check in with them three months later. Well, yeah, I did that four or five times and I liked it when it hit, but they don't always think to do it. you can, if you just do it a few times,
You can get it. It doesn't require a lot. But what I found it's people feel, okay, I know how to do that. So I own it. Right. I know to do that, but they don't do it. Right. You know, if you don't get in the car, it cars not going to take you anywhere. Just said there, I know the car is there. Yep. Yet still there. Not doing anything. It's still there, but it's not getting you anywhere. And if you do use it regularly,
It becomes more powerful. It becomes second nature to you. You don't even have to really think about doing it. just say, yeah, I just, you just kind of take yourself there, bang, you're good. If something comes at you out of left field, because you've been practicing this, you're not as reactive to it. not, you accept it as in a different state than you would if you weren't doing this. But it is important that it be short and not difficult. I do create the course.
just so people can understand the little bits of it because I know having to practice, if they're not gonna do the practice on their own, it's a container with which in over nine weeks, they develop a practice. They develop the habit of making a little piece of time for themselves each day, four minutes, 4-8 minutes on a weekday, eight to 12 minutes on a weekend. They get in the habit of doing something for themselves to kind of get it in there. And it's gamified, it's fun.
So it's like, okay, I want to do that. It's meant to work with your brain and continue engagement. Not everybody needs to do that, but some people do.
Matt (08:34.51)
Sure. Yeah, so they talk a lot about self care, then actually doing it. So this is like a, you said it's a nine week course that you.
Vivianne (08:45.662)
There is a week course and I structured it in the time wise for teachers because their schedules are not horrific. But it works for caregivers. It actually works just for humans. But I'm not a teacher, so the best way for me to reach teachers is to market it at the teachers. you don't have to do the nine week course. You'll have masterclass or you can do it that way. And if you're just going to be
Committed to practicing it and practicing it but some people they need a container They've got so much going on is a it sounds like oh, this is other thing that I need to do right But this thing if I keep it in the two minute and it only need really just a couple of minutes But just to practice it takes a you know the few minutes But then they can see oh my gosh not only am I getting out of here and actually resetting my
mental and emotional self. I'm refreshing energy. And as they've been doing it for a few weeks, they are finding time. Because a lot of when we've got so much going on, what is happening is there's so much mental spin going on in here because they, you know, just stress, you know, are you going to get this and I've got this and I've got this and got this and you spend too much time thinking around all this stuff. Yeah, just need opportunities to reset. And if you
I mean, could do it more than once a day. something's coming up is, gosh, the principal wants a meeting or like somebody's coming in to review your house or review this or review that suddenly. Just give yourself a couple of minutes and you've got your reset. ready to go instead of coming in there, know, eyes as big as a piece of the morning. What bad thing they're going to say. Sure.
Matt (10:33.112)
Sure, so where do people find you?
Vivianne (10:35.598)
Well on my name is long have website of I will put that send that to you for put it so so there is a a Free downloadable resource that has my six top favorite most powerful Meditative practices the top two can be done in less than two minutes once learned mine is a little different I don't have that on the that resource yet, but it
It isn't as complicated. It doesn't have as many pieces. But like say I made the course to help people develop a practice, do it for a while. Then they realize this is something that fits in my life and this is making a difference. Yeah, I do want to stick with this. I'll be putting the master class instead of doing it live. I'll be putting it online soon. It should be out by the end of May. And that's a free thing. They can just go in and do that. And it talks a little bit about
what the different neurochemical triggers, because it tells your brain you're safe. next one tells you you're relaxed. And the other one just tells you you're content or happy. So that sets you up to be able to listen to how to shift out of your mind and into your body. And it's like.
this is nice. OK, I'll go back, but I want to come here again. So yes, the master class would be they get a little more information, and it would be actually this process. And it's not going to cost them anything. And I think, OK, but I know I'm not going to do it by myself, or they discover they're not doing it regularly for those. Then they could take the course.
Matt (12:13.614)
Okay. And that's so there's a masterclass that they can that self paced or they you host like a weekly call or is it a one on one coaching or?
Vivianne (12:24.234)
It'll be an online video driven. The masterclass isn't ongoing all the time, it's every couple of three months. Then right after that, then I would have a little bit of call space, people have questions. In the course, they can comment on anything and ask questions. Then there are coaching calls on the weekend, office hours. Office hours, people come and ask a question.
or I'm not getting this this way or they just have a question about something to feel connected to what's going on. Because I'm authoring 24 books, can't keep doing different speaking engagements and doing live things. So I do podcasting, being podcasted, I guess, to focus on this. But so do it intermittently.
Matt (13:15.182)
Awesome, awesome. so yeah, know that, so I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to understanding neurobiology and things like that. so, like I read, I did a, I participated in a book study with some folks that went over the book, What Happened to You by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey and...
what they said in there, we're reflecting back so often, because there's so much information coming at us that we can't possibly process all that. So then we're looking backwards, not in our thinking brain, we're reflecting back to past situations that's telling us this is a safe environment or not. Exactly.
And but we're many, many times per second trying to figure out like, am I safe? Right? Yes. And so, so, you you're talking about, you know, like checking in with yourself to say, OK, I'm safe. Like, we're good. You know.
Vivianne (14:28.502)
Yeah, it's the dropping the dropping the shoulders. That's when the first neurochemical trigger that utilized in the end and dropping the shoulders and people a lot of people carry the tension here. Yeah, drop your shoulders or relax your shoulders and they relax it like an eighth of an inch. You know, like, say drop them and then check in a little later. Where are they? Can you drop them farther? Because that if you actually do drop them.
that sends a message to your brain that says, I'm safe. Because yeah, your lizard, monkey brain, whichever one you want to call it, it's constantly, is it safe? It's safe? It's not, okay, I'm not going there. I'm not going there. Is this safe? I'm not going there. I'm not going there. So you need to do something that sends the message, I'm safe, instead of having to inquire constantly.
Matt (15:16.142)
Yeah, well, I know personally, like for the last six months or so, I've been having a real hard time sleeping. And so my counselor was talking about this, what they call progressive muscle relaxation. So it's a practice at night where, and so you can find videos of it on YouTube and stuff like that. so, but it's a process of going top to bottom, like flexing a muscle, tightening it.
Vivianne (15:43.276)
Yes.
Matt (15:44.91)
and then just releasing it and doing that all the way down. And then you just go to sleep. It's like, oh my God, why I'm 45. Why have I never known this before? And so when I started doing that, it was like, oh my gosh, I could never get to sleep. mean, I just couldn't just, this has just been a long, long time struggle, but
Vivianne (15:48.91)
and
Matt (16:14.338)
but especially in the last six months, because there's some things that have been going on. so just tightening and then releasing helps quiet your mind, calm it down, and then, man, you just roll over and go to sleep. It's like, my gosh, this is incredible.
Vivianne (16:31.086)
Yeah, you do need to do the tightening first because in that respect, because if you just try to relax, then your body can't quite make that thing happen. But if you tense it first, then you relax it. Oh yeah, I noticed that difference. You're taking your whole body through it bit by bit. Yes. And it's like, how about that?
Matt (16:49.806)
Life-changing for me. Literally. I mean, yeah, it was it was just such something so simple it takes ten minutes and You know and it just that just that process really helped me Just be able to get to sleep and it just blows my mind some of the simple things that we can do Yes that that that that helps like you said get out of your mind and
down into your body, you know, and that's my problem when I, as soon as I hit the pillow, I'm, you know, like thinking through like all these things, you know? And so just going through that process just helps my body and my mind to relax and helps me go to sleep.
Vivianne (17:36.908)
Yes, and you need the sleep to recharge your batteries to do it.
Matt (17:39.906)
Gosh, no idea how important sleep is until you can't go to sleep.
Vivianne (17:46.584)
Yes, it's one thing to cheat yourself of amount of time of it, but when you can't get it, that's a whole different animal.
Matt (17:53.454)
Right, I'm just telling you like, man, it was just, like I said, this has been a long, long time battle for me, but I've gone through periods where I've been, I've been okay going to sleep, but then this last six months has just been brutal. And so, like I said, just going through that process, it's boggling, mind boggling that something that simple can have such a
profound effect on my sleep.
Vivianne (18:26.464)
Exactly. have a tendency, particularly in this day and age, which is only going to get to a bigger thing of overthinking. Because we are bombarded like it was really lady. We are so bombarded with stuff constantly to a degree that humanity hasn't dealt with before. And the reality is that within X number of months and what X is depends on who you're listening to. It is going to be
infinitely magnified. Now is the time you figure these things out now before you actually need them or before you are more desperate for them in the future so that they become part of what you do and that way they work faster for you deeper for you and so that is better for you and everyone in your life.
Matt (18:58.35)
You're
Matt (19:19.118)
Awesome. Very cool. Well, so you'll send me the link to your website. We'll put that down in the show notes. And I just, think that that can be really, really valuable. Cause I'm just telling you like, I mean, there are lots and lots of different ways that are stressful. I get that, but personal experience and it's just fostering and adoption and things like that. It's just very, very difficult. And so, you know,
you're dealing with big behaviors and you can't figure out why and you're just constantly, you know, and so developing some practices I think can be really beneficial for some foster families to...
Vivianne (20:02.026)
I too. I really do. They do such amazing work. have a friend who was, she and her sister were foster critters and, but they worked only for a short period of time in the same home. And that's a whole nother thing for them and the families that they're with. And my dad was adopted. My best friend's wife was adopted. And what she went through her whole life to just try to find family. Yeah. That wasn't, you she had wonderful family, but she needed.
Matt (20:31.502)
Yeah.
Vivianne (20:34.966)
So yeah, it is, is very important and the difference it can make in how you feel every day, what to have some joy in everything. There is stuff there, but it can be buried in this cosmoshum of input and not handle everything and then, you're blaming yourself for not being able to handle everything. We need to give ourselves permission to take true proper care of ourselves.
It is the shift in the Genesis for everything else being better.
Matt (21:05.902)
Awesome. Well, very cool. Vivianne I'm so thankful for just your being connecting with me and sharing. Like I say, we'll put your links in the show notes and just make sure to send those to us. I look forward to hopefully some folks getting out there and giving it a try. Giving it a try. Yeah.
Vivianne (21:29.846)
Now, may I ask the email that is in the letter email I got, that's the email. We'll get those to you then. Cool. Thank you so much. Absolutely.
Matt (21:35.874)
Yeah, that'd be great. Yep.
Matt (21:40.878)
Thank you so much. Guys, thanks for tuning in. Make sure to like, subscribe, comment, all the things. We got great information on here. We want to get more and more people to see it and hear it. So thank you guys and have a great day.
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